Amen.  As a mother of boys and a girl I started talking about consent, and how it's not just about the major sex acts - but respecting autonomy, from the time they were little.

Not with words or referencing sex when they were toddlers...but in teaching them about their own autonomy and not forcing them to show physical affection if they didn't want to.  Of course dear old Aunt Sally meant them no harm when she wanted a kiss hello...but if I had no idea how to require them to do that to "be nice and not hurt her feelings" but expect them to know when it's not okay if an adult wants physical contact with which they aren't comfortable.

Except hand shaking.  Certain circumstances require handshakes so thought that was a nice compromise for the snuggly old relatives who mean no harm...and you've never silently laughed until you've seen the face of an 80+ year old woman asking for a kiss being told by a preschooler that kissing makes him uncomfortable, but hello...as he stuck out his little hand for a shake.   

Just seemed cleaner to teach them their bodies are their own and while we owe people courtesy we owe no one physical affection nor does anyone owe it to us.  

This needed to get more nuanced when one was about 8 and decided that his bodily autonomy meant whether or not he bathed ever was his decision and I did thwart his plan to go all summer without a bath to "see how dirty I can get."

But consent was huge in our talks at age appropriate levels.  We owe it to our kids and we owe it to society to teach them boundaries and to keep their hands to themselves without an invitation.

Handshaking is a great example.  One has to offer their hand and the other has to accept it before even the most casual level of contact is acceptable.

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Not with words or referencing sex when they were toddlers...but in teaching them about their own autonomy and not forcing them to show physical affection if they didn't want to.  Of course dear old Aunt Sally meant them no harm when she wanted a kiss hello...but if I had no idea how to require them to do that to "be nice and not hurt her feelings" but expect them to know when it's not okay if an adult wants physical contact with which they aren't comfortable.

Except hand shaking.  Certain circumstances require handshakes so thought that was a nice compromise for the snuggly old relatives who mean no harm...and you've never silently laughed until you've seen the face of an 80+ year old woman asking for a kiss being told by a preschooler that kissing makes him uncomfortable, but hello...as he stuck out his little hand for a shake.   

I completely agree with you on the need to explain body ownership and autonomy in an age appropriate way.

I have always tried to respect my daughter's wishes and desires in showing her my affection and also in teaching her how to deal with others. She's not shy at all, it's more likely that I need to restrain her from pestering people excessively than not. But sometimes she just can't stand someone, mainly bearded men and my uncles, and I respect it (and my uncles must suck it up, especially considering how much they pissed me off when I was a child). This said your example made me think because I am also teaching her that a kiss on the cheek is normal and pretty much expected in most cases (excluding the exceptions above) because in our culture it is normal to shake hands and kiss on the cheek a stranger you are being introduced to. The kisses become three when you know the person well or even superficially. Hugs and other forms of physical contact are regarded as no big deal. For example when I was in high school (ETA and at Uni too) it was very common to sit on each other's lap (male or female it didn't matter) when there weren't enough benches/seats on the bus/bar/park/wherever (still remember the faces of the Swedes here for a cultural exchange when they were told that those they thought were couples weren't couples at all, priceless ). Even now I wouldn't mind to sit on my colleagues' (and they wouldn't mind too) lap if need be (but I would never ever sit on one of our wards lap it would be just wrong, also because they are often people who are still learning about healthy boundaries). Most physical contact is quite normal and it's regarded as completely different in nature from unwanted sexual contact. Not all body parts are equal and not every type of contact is the same. However if a person is reluctant and dodging all contact that must be respected too.

With this I mean that social norms and expectations re physical contact can differ between cultures but unwanted sexual contact is recognisably the same and always unacceptable.