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The Rabbit Hole of Rants

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Life sucks a lot


HermioneSparrow

1,371 views

Today I talked to someone who doesn't believe in God about why I do believe. It's funny because I'm feeling hopeless right now, feeling like if there is a God, he might not like me at all. I believe in him, I guess. I find peace in praying and trusting in him but sometimes life hits me really hard that I can't assure his existence anymore. When I get these feelings of loneliness I start to question everything about my life.

I've never had emotional stability or feel less lonely. I'm just here waiting for the moment when everything will go downhill because that's the way my life works. Something good then everything goes horribly. Life was going great, now i'm having the worst day I've had in a long time. It's like I can't even enjoy happiness or joy anymore because I know what's coming next. It sucks so much seeing everyone being loved one way or another, and here I am alone as always, feeling like my mother should have aborted me because maybe the world would be better and I wouldn't be suffering this much. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I can't help it. I have SO MUCH love to give, and heck! I give so much love! I'm such a loyal and sweet person, I don't know why things go this way and I'm not good enough, not even for my family.

Maybe I'm just destined to be abandoned or alone and that's it. Everyone I know can get their happiness but me. And I try to be completely stoked about my career that's moving forward but I guess my career won't hug me at night. Can I just get a break? From life?

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ClaraOswin

Posted

Life is sucking a bit here too. I have no words of wisdom or anything. Just want you to know that you aren't alone in wanting a break from life.

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SilverBeach

Posted

Please know that this too shall pass. Hang in there. For the past two years, I have had the most wonderful, loving, and kind man in my life (a VERY long time coming). The lonely years were brutal. But it came, true love.. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. Don't say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend that is hurting.

Take care, keep on talking to God and being honest with your feelings. Be encouraged.

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HermioneSparrow

Posted

That's very sweet and means a lot. I'm trying very much to hang in there, I guess I'll be okay. It's just hard when you're alone, no family or anything. Depression gets the best of me but I'm strong. Again, thank you! @SilverBeach

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JeanieCat

Posted

I feel I really do know how you feel and it is very hard. One by one over the years my best friend then my family have all died off  Every person I leaned on is gone and now I am left to stand alone. Sometimes I have a real pity party because like you it looks like everything is great for everyone else. Truth is, it really isn't!  When I get talking to others I begin to realize that we all have problems and somehow we just have to make the effort to get out there and try to make the best life we can for ourselves. I know you can make it!

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Quivering Uterus

Posted

When I was much younger I felt the same way. I want to tell you that life is a roller coaster and full of dips , hills, swerves and wlidly swinging curves. 

You are in a dip. Just keep putting one foot forward, invest yourself in your career and yourself, and then the rest will come later. Don't settle for less, because you crave companionship.Someday, if you lookout for you first, the rest will fall into place.

 

Been there, done that. 

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bashfulpixie

Posted

You aren't alone.  I've been in the same crappy, leaky boat for the last week.  It's a rough feeling, but sometimes it helps to know you aren't the only one going through it.

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Grimalkin

Posted

    I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are feeling this way and going through this. 

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  • Posts

    • LillyP

      Posted

      It's funny because as a mom of two young kids (6 & 3) I am very much a "time and place" person when it comes kids in public spaces. I think that 100% yes kids have a right to be in public places, and kids in restaurants and planes and places are just a part of life. BUT, I do think there is such a thing as using common sense and I feel like wayyyy too many parents these days feel entitled to bring their kids to places that while it's within their right to do so, it's probably not appropriate. 

      I do admit though that I am probably slightly biased on the subject because as a wedding & family photographer I see it alllll the time. I'm team no kids at weddings, which is always a hot topic. And for me it really boils down to the fact that weddings are formal events and *most* of the time the kids are a big disruption. And it's not that they're being bad, *they're just being kids*. Unfortunately too many parents just either a) don't pay attention or keep their kids in check, or b) are watching their kids and find nothing wrong with their behavior. 

      We are relatively strict parents when it comes to behavior, dare I say "old school". We take our kids out to restaurants A LOT, we fly with them regularly, etc. No kids are perfect, and no matter how strict you are every kid has their moments, tantrums, etc. IMO the difference is in how you handle it and doing so in a way that it doesn't disrupt other people. That might not be a popular opinion, but I absolutely feel that while it's my right to take my kids out to dinner, it's also the right of the other patrons to not listen to my kids yell and scream and be annoying.

    • treehugger

      Posted

      I really think it depends where you live as to what attitudes people have towards kids. I always felt really insecure about having my kids in public in Southern Ontario (where mega families were common) because people were unbelievably judgy about how they behaved and my parenting in general.
       

      Then we moved to downtown Montreal, where having more than 1 kid was considered a big family, and everyone is just so kind and supportive and encouraging. No one batted an eye at them. I swear that’s why we moved here. 

      • Upvote 1
    • LillyP

      Posted

      I feel like they're just regular old Fall family portraits...it's that time of year! All my clients are getting on the books for their Christmas card photos now too. At first I thought maybe an announcement based on the bear with pink ribbon, but I actually think it's more possible that is just to honor the loss they had. I can't imagine they'd give that much away prior to a big announcement. I could be wrong though.

      • Upvote 2
    • GuineaPigCourtship

      Posted

      My bet is it's all for show so they're not changing anything.  After all, these people side hugged their own kids.

      • Upvote 1
    • Howl

      Posted

      5 hours ago, sleepygirl1 said:

      Catch me up on the Bradrick family? Are they the ones that had a daughter in law wear a yellow wedding dress?

      Bradrick! and wife #1 Kelly were the darlings and the couple-of-the-year and marriage of the year  amonst the Vision Forum elite.

      Kelly and Bradrick! proceeded to quickly have six children before the perfect marriage imploded and Kelly sued for divorce, based on...nobody knows for sure.  I

      n the meantime,  Vision Forum had imploded because Doug Phillips was exposed as a sexual predator;  the Vision Forum gravy train left the station and left Bradrick! high and dry.  The young couple headed to the Pacific Northwest where Bradrick!'s family lives and Bradrick! became a realtor.  There's a classic photo of Kelly pregnant and maybe even barefoot, standing on the deck outside their mobile home on a damp day, surrounded by very young children. She looked so...over it. 

      Bradrick! stayed in the Pacific Northwest and Kelly and six kids flounced home to daddy Scottie Brown and then she married the current husband. 

       



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