Drowning
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. Just completely overwhelmed with life. Tonight I am freaking out about my rheumatoid arthritis. I am worried it's basically going to kill me. Shorten my life by 10+ years. I hate the internet. I've had a cough for 2 weeks. Is it allergies? A cold? Or something worse? I never had to worry about this sort of thing before.
My son was just diagnosed with autism. While it was mostly expected...it's still been hard for me. It just opens up a whole new set of worries. What will his future look like?
Then you combine the worries about my son with the worries about my health and I go in full panic mode.
My husband started a new job. He no longer works from home (like he had been doing the last 10 years) so everything in my day to day life has changed. I am trying to get used to it but it's been harder than I thought.
Some days I am feeling very positive about the future - my health, my son, etc. But then other times I feel terrified. I don't have any friends to talk to. I am still not strong enough to see a therapist (nor do I have any "free" time lately it seems.) I don't like venting to my mom and husband every time I am upset. So here I am. Maybe not the best place to go...especially since I've been so horrible about keeping up with everyone here.
I'm just so lost.
I have my next appointment with my rheumatologist in a couple days. I hope he can set my mind at ease about some things.
I am thinking about finding some sort of support group for parents with kids with autism. If I can work up the courage to do it, at least.
I just feel like the last couple years have been one thing after another for our family. I am so over it.
Yes, things could always be worse. But they could also be better.
- 7
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