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Sorry, I Have Plans


clueliss

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It is my busy season at work.  Said busy season is not over until late January (when the auditors have vacated the premises) or early to Mid-February (when the bosses have gotten back from round 2 of budget load).  It happens to coincide with 'the holidays.'   Also with winter and therefore shorter (darker) days.  All of which feeds my stress level.  And the stress feeds the depression at times.  

I'm an introvert.  And frankly, I feed people draining.  I may like you, I just want to like you from a distance.  I don't want to go to lunch (especially a group lunch) or dinner (especially if it is work related and after work hours).  After a long day at work and fighting my way home on a 35-minute drive (that took 2 hours last Friday thanks to ice) I really just want to watch TV, cuddle with the cat and catch up on the interwebs.  And when I squeeze in half a day of vacation to use it up I really don't want to spend that time with people I work with.  

So this morning I open my email at work and have an email saying lunch on Thursday. (long winded email babbling about a party back on Dec 10 that he couldn't host because work on his house and then wanting to do it in January but the work won't be done )  Great.  Thanks.  I have half a day of vacation then.  We're off on holiday on Friday.  And I don't want to eat lunch with you people.  I need to be away from you people.  And my mind is going through the logistics of lunch in the city (30 minutes away), time for lunch and then what - a 30-minute drive back to work?  Only for half the folks to drive back to the city at the end of the day.  Sure.  No, I see this coming.  He's going to let them off early.  He stopped doing this ages ago.  But my guess is he feels guilty.  Due to centralization they cut heads in our department this year.  

I refuse to be guilted or obligated.  I am not having lunch with these people.  Free food is not worth the stress of not having My Time.   I need My Time.   So my response is that I would be unable to make it because I was taking half a day of vacation that day and had plans.   My plans might involve bra shopping (I've lost weight the one I'm wearing doesn't fit right, I hate the mall and this is one of those shopping tasks that need to be done in person).  It might involve going home and cleaning.  It might involve reading or binge watching something or a nap.    But it is my time and my plans.  

I've also told my supervisor that if he lets people off early then technically my supervisor owes me time.  Granted this time of year that is likely not to happen but I may have enjoyed being demanding for a moment.  

And I've decided that I am worth a lot of things that I've denied myself.  Including my own plans and My Time.  

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Maggie Mae

Posted

Don't feel guilty. You are taking the day off - maybe you already had plans. Just say "sorry, I can't make it" and leave it at that. 

  • Upvote 4
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MarblesMom

Posted

There is nothing worse, in my book, than forced outings with work mates.  That, and group tours/activities.

Sounds like just  about ANYTHING will be better than lunch on Thursday!  Enjoy!

  • Upvote 3
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church_of_dog

Posted

I have used the "I have plans" excuse frequently.

Plans to take a bath and read a book are still plans.

Plans to build a fire and snuggle with the kittens are still plans.

  • Upvote 5
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clueliss

Posted

Just learned that one of my coworkers was 'guilted' into being here on Thursday because his boss (the party/lunch person) needs to discuss something with him on that day.  The man has been down the road working from home, can't be bothered to come to work for even a part day so that his employee can take a vacation day.  And said coworker is wimp enough to give in to this and not say 'I have plans' so he's taking a different day.

My personal theme for 2017 is "I am worth it"  - and in this case I am worth using I have plans as a way of caring for self and putting my needs first.  

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  • Posts

    • LillyP

      Posted

      It's funny because as a mom of two young kids (6 & 3) I am very much a "time and place" person when it comes kids in public spaces. I think that 100% yes kids have a right to be in public places, and kids in restaurants and planes and places are just a part of life. BUT, I do think there is such a thing as using common sense and I feel like wayyyy too many parents these days feel entitled to bring their kids to places that while it's within their right to do so, it's probably not appropriate. 

      I do admit though that I am probably slightly biased on the subject because as a wedding & family photographer I see it alllll the time. I'm team no kids at weddings, which is always a hot topic. And for me it really boils down to the fact that weddings are formal events and *most* of the time the kids are a big disruption. And it's not that they're being bad, *they're just being kids*. Unfortunately too many parents just either a) don't pay attention or keep their kids in check, or b) are watching their kids and find nothing wrong with their behavior. 

      We are relatively strict parents when it comes to behavior, dare I say "old school". We take our kids out to restaurants A LOT, we fly with them regularly, etc. No kids are perfect, and no matter how strict you are every kid has their moments, tantrums, etc. IMO the difference is in how you handle it and doing so in a way that it doesn't disrupt other people. That might not be a popular opinion, but I absolutely feel that while it's my right to take my kids out to dinner, it's also the right of the other patrons to not listen to my kids yell and scream and be annoying.

    • treehugger

      Posted

      I really think it depends where you live as to what attitudes people have towards kids. I always felt really insecure about having my kids in public in Southern Ontario (where mega families were common) because people were unbelievably judgy about how they behaved and my parenting in general.
       

      Then we moved to downtown Montreal, where having more than 1 kid was considered a big family, and everyone is just so kind and supportive and encouraging. No one batted an eye at them. I swear that’s why we moved here. 

      • Upvote 1
    • LillyP

      Posted

      I feel like they're just regular old Fall family portraits...it's that time of year! All my clients are getting on the books for their Christmas card photos now too. At first I thought maybe an announcement based on the bear with pink ribbon, but I actually think it's more possible that is just to honor the loss they had. I can't imagine they'd give that much away prior to a big announcement. I could be wrong though.

      • Upvote 2
    • GuineaPigCourtship

      Posted

      My bet is it's all for show so they're not changing anything.  After all, these people side hugged their own kids.

      • Upvote 1
    • Howl

      Posted

      5 hours ago, sleepygirl1 said:

      Catch me up on the Bradrick family? Are they the ones that had a daughter in law wear a yellow wedding dress?

      Bradrick! and wife #1 Kelly were the darlings and the couple-of-the-year and marriage of the year  amonst the Vision Forum elite.

      Kelly and Bradrick! proceeded to quickly have six children before the perfect marriage imploded and Kelly sued for divorce, based on...nobody knows for sure.  I

      n the meantime,  Vision Forum had imploded because Doug Phillips was exposed as a sexual predator;  the Vision Forum gravy train left the station and left Bradrick! high and dry.  The young couple headed to the Pacific Northwest where Bradrick!'s family lives and Bradrick! became a realtor.  There's a classic photo of Kelly pregnant and maybe even barefoot, standing on the deck outside their mobile home on a damp day, surrounded by very young children. She looked so...over it. 

      Bradrick! stayed in the Pacific Northwest and Kelly and six kids flounced home to daddy Scottie Brown and then she married the current husband. 

       

      • Upvote 1


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