Erica *smile* Shupe *laugh* On in-laws

[littlehouse]

personal rant....

To teach, love, and accept the child, that is what a grandparent is to me, not loading them up with sugar, giving them tonnes of toys. To be able to do this, the grandparents have to respect and have a relationship with the parent.

My family thinks I am a bitch. I will not let anyone babysit my children. I will not drive 1 1/2 hours to leave them in their care. I do not trust them. My father drinks and will still drive. There are guns in the house on the wall. He has never respected me as a person.

My children are exposed to many situations, and people. They are not sheltered because grandparents don't have one on one time, overnights etc.

end of rant.

Babywise is just evil.

[OkToBeTakei]

personal rant....

To teach, love, and accept the child, that is what a grandparent is to me, not loading them up with sugar, giving them tonnes of toys. To be able to do this, the grandparents have to respect and have a relationship with the parent.

My family thinks I am a bitch. I will not let anyone babysit my children. I will not drive 1 1/2 hours to leave them in their care. I do not trust them. My father drinks and will still drive. There are guns in the house on the wall. He has never respected me as a person.

My children are exposed to many situations, and people. They are not sheltered because grandparents don't have one on one time, overnights etc.

end of rant.

Babywise is just evil.

I would be the same as you faced with drink and guns. Absolutely.

But here's the thing ..and it's always the same really in these types of discussions on FJ. We are talking about Erica Shupe here and her possible reasons for cutting out her in-laws from her kid's lives. She does not mention hitting, guns, drink or any of these things. Therefore one would or could surmise that it is her fundie choices and what this is and means for her kids.

We all look at life through our own personal experiences and tinted glasses. Fact is some will have shitty parents and grandparents but not all do, so because you (generic you) had or have a bad situation/experience does not excuse Erica or condemn the grandparents. Because in this instance I strongly suspect Erica is a controlling fundie who along with the stunted and narrow upbringing she is giving her kids has managed to cut out and manipulate a situation with her in-laws all in the name of the bible.

*smile*

[ILoveJellybeans]

Yeah, I can understand someone cutting out their kids grandparents if they were alcoholics who might get drunk when the kid is around or drive with them in the car, or if they were abusive, put the child in any danger, and I certainly wouldnt take my child to a house that isnt safe-like if they had guns in the children's reach.

With Erica, its probably nothing like that though. Maybe grandma fed the kid when they were crying with hunger even if their schedule said they werent due to be fed for another 20 minutes.

[idonthaveajname]

personal rant....

To teach, love, and accept the child, that is what a grandparent is to me, not loading them up with sugar, giving them tonnes of toys. To be able to do this, the grandparents have to respect and have a relationship with the parent.

My family thinks I am a bitch. I will not let anyone babysit my children. I will not drive 1 1/2 hours to leave them in their care. I do not trust them. My father drinks and will still drive. There are guns in the house on the wall. He has never respected me as a person.

My children are exposed to many situations, and people. They are not sheltered because grandparents don't have one on one time, overnights etc.

end of rant.

Babywise is just evil.

I totally agree with you on this. If my parents were drinking and driving, had guns around, or disrespected me as a person, fuck that noise. My sister and her disgusting husband are fundies who try to ram their political beliefs into everyone's head all the time and I don't want my kids around them.

I can live with the too much sugar and soda and staying up way too late. :) I give my folks a little leeway there.

[Bookworm]

Because in this instance I strongly suspect Erica is a controlling fundie who along with the stunted and narrow upbringing she is giving her kids has managed to cut out and manipulate a situation with her in-laws all in the name of the bible.

*smile*

I also think there is another factor that we shouldn't forget. Obviously Erica has no problem abusing people in general. *angry sigh* She enjoys the process of brainwashing and trying to create perfect mini-me robots of her children. *rage* What is one of the main signs you're supposed to look out for with abusers? Separating you from your family. To me it looks like she used their kids to separate her husband from his parents and make him distrust much of his former support group. I think her husband is being seriously abused and I hope he realizes it's not necessary and that he does not have to live a life of endless kids and no money and no (to outsiders) real fun. It would be difficult, since I'm sure he spends a great deal of time working to provide for them and worrying about how he is going to raise them all, but I hope he has a chance to get a breather and rethink things. He looks like a decent guy, so please, dude, take some deep breaths and think about what you really want and what your already-born kids want and deserve. Just as women don't have to be broodmares, you don't have to be a workhorse and nothing more. *smile*

[OkToBeTakei]

I also think there is another factor that we shouldn't forget. Obviously Erica has no problem abusing people in general. *angry sigh* She enjoys the process of brainwashing and trying to create perfect mini-me robots of her children. *rage* What is one of the main signs you're supposed to look out for with abusers? Separating you from your family. To me it looks like she used their kids to separate her husband from his parents and make him distrust much of his former support group. I think her husband is being seriously abused and I hope he realizes it's not necessary and that he does not have to live a life of endless kids and no money and no (to outsiders) real fun. It would be difficult, since I'm sure he spends a great deal of time working to provide for them and worrying about how he is going to raise them all, but I hope he has a chance to get a breather and rethink things. He looks like a decent guy, so please, dude, take some deep breaths and think about what you really want and what your already-born kids want and deserve. Just as women don't have to be broodmares, you don't have to be a workhorse and nothing more. *smile*

He even thinks she is a helpmeet :lol:

That is a really interesting observation Bookworm. Kelly 2 chicken breasts is the same in my view. Quite a few fundie bloggers. They 'like' to talk about ze manly men. But in reality they actually rule the roost per se.

So stupid. Each partner brings a different strength to a relationship. Trying to force one in to one role and one to the other is just plain ignorant.(Sorry..I meant biblical :P )

[Chicken bones]

What a horrible, controlling woman.

I'm about to go drop off my little guys at my parents' home, where they will be played with, loved, and fed; and hubby and I get a date, kids get great time with grandparents, and my parents get to spoil their youngest grand kids. I feel very very lucky after reading this whole thread.

[Wolfie]

I guess she hasn't read any of the literature on teenage brains. Staying up late isn't "seductive"; it's biology.Teens are hardwired to stay up late and much as you may try to force the issue, many simply cannot go to sleep until late at night. They still need more sleep than the average adult- thus the sleeping till mid-day on the weekends we see in so many teens. And, actually, they can get quite a lot accomplished late at night. I am no night owl, but even I, as a teenager, could stay up till mid-night productively studying.

Erica *smile* *gag* does not seem to recognize, much less embrace, the wonderful diversity of the human species.

She has no concept that just because she's a morning person, it doesn't mean that everybody else is.

[chaotic life]

Evidentally, the Babywise mother I ran into pt the baby back into daycare before she was needing to go back to work and had flexible scheduling, so that she could come in randomly. Honestly, the best advice they give to parents with kids in daycare IS to show up at unexpected times so you can see what is realling happening with your child. No one had a problem with that, parents used to do it all the time, that's why the center had one way mirrors so you could see into the room from the hallway but the kids just saw mirrors. The problem in *this* case was classic Ezzo control issues over scheduling. This mother was obssessed and freaked out over her imposed rigid schedule. Most of the women in the nursery had lots of experience with babies. We all understood that babies may settle into routines, but rigid schedules and babies are a bad combination.

That's what Ezzo doesn't want you to know. It's obsessively strict adherence to schedules at all ages of childhood. Erica puts it out there so strangers can see it because she thinks she can present it through her own rose-colored glasses. It's not unique to her. That is what Ezzo IS. I think she has her own OCD issues and thrives in Ezzo programming but I think the parenting method she embraces contributes as well.

[snarktastic]

If someone's looking after your kids for free I think any normal parent would give them a little leeway in how they do it. If there's anything unsafe going on then absolutely you need to pull the kids out but seriously - changing their feeding and sleeping routine?! Also, even if you decide a relative isn't right for looking after your kid you don't need to sever all contact with them completely!

Edited to add - have just skimmed the actual post - wow it's a long one - and to be fair it did look like the severing wasn't one sided, but some of the stuff in there -

Despite our requests for them to stop doing the things they chose to do around us their consistent response was that we did not have the right to tell them how to behave or act.

Assuming that her in-laws weren't waving guns around or burning crosses in the front garden that is beyond weird and controlling.

[desertvixen]

I can live with the too much sugar and soda and staying up way too late. :) I give my folks a little leeway there.

This, although I do enjoy teasing my mom about how much that irritated her when SHE was the parent and I was the child.

On the other hand, my daughter has periods where she lives with my parents while I'm on deployment, so they don't get as deep into spoiling her as they could.

[MorbidAwe]

I tried to go to largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2013/03/navigating-difficult-relationships.html, or even just largefamiliesonpurpose.com and I keep getting an error/page not found message. Grrrr!

[MorbidAwe]

Here's another address for her blog:

http://www.blogger.com/profile/00888749387962898925

[OkToBeTakei]

:lol:

Look what I found on a Maxwell post!

Erika S. on August 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm said:

I am SO excited to make your burrito recipe for our family of 11! Sounds yummy, and nice to have a lot made in advance, inexpensively, and I’ve been really desiring to be learning how to cook with dry beans so this will be a great start for me with your nicely detailed directions. Thank you! =)

We’ve been long-time fans of ALL of your books which we own and loan.

People ask us all the time how we do life with 9 children (ages 8mo.-13), and the most prominent thing I mention is scheduling, planning, being proactive with life and homeschooling, etc. The Maxwell materials are actually sprinkled through out many of our posts. =)

Love and blessings to you all!

Erika S., WA

Not sure Stevus will be happy she 'desired' to cook beans :naughty: She obviously meant 'purposed' there. 8-) Also 'excited' :naughty: Erica will never make it in to the holy control fold unless she calms down to a death march.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

:lol:

Look what I found on a Maxwell post!

Not sure Stevus will be happy she 'desired' to cook beans :naughty: She obviously meant 'purposed' there. 8-) Also 'excited' :naughty: Erica will never make it in to the holy control fold unless she calms down to a death march.

We’ve been long-time fans of ALL of your books which we own and loan. :naughty: :naughty: Steve believes loaning books is stealing. It deprives him of money ya know. Ericka-something to think about :snooty:

[OkToBeTakei]

We’ve been long-time fans of ALL of your books which we own and loan. :naughty: :naughty: Steve believes loaning books is stealing. It deprives him of money ya know. Ericka-something to think about :snooty:

OOOooooH. Good point :lol:

[alba]

We’ve been long-time fans of ALL of your books which we own and loan. :naughty: :naughty: Steve believes loaning books is stealing. It deprives him of money ya know. Ericka-something to think about :snooty:

:shock: Better shut down all the libraries, then. Because everyone knows Jesus says that only people with lots of money to burn deserve to read.

[latraviata]

Maybe it is just me but I feel like it's a grandparents job to spoil grandchildren. This includes giving them candy, sweets, letting them stay up late, eat chocolate ice cream and watch tv. I can understand serious rules like telling my parents or ILs that (future) baby Dairy has an allergy to bananas, so don't give s/he them. That's crucial. I would ask them not to spank baby Dairy either, but of course I would work on instilling a respect for their grandparents as well. It's not okay to sass them or anything else rude and mean. I do understand that some grandparents could be very poor ones and undermine the parents just to be spiteful, but I can't see my parents doing that or my bf's.

May sound harsh, and I don't know the other side, but I think she should feel lucky to have grandparents nearby who are willing and able to be in their life. My only living grandparents were already elderly and I do appreciate the time I did spend with them, but it was not much because of their health. The other set was deceased before I was born. My grandfather died almost four years ago and my grandmother is getting worse with her health at almost 80. My father may not be around to see his grandchildren grow up. If I had children with my bf, his father's health is not well either (recently has a kidney removed because of tumors). I guess I feel that I cannot imagine not having my grandparents around and I want my children to actually get the experience of being spoiled by them just because they can. Of course it can't happen with everyone because some grandparents are toxic, not just letting the kid have a sweet though you say they are off limits or something minor. Outside of toxic or even dangerous relationships, if the grandparents want to be involved, I don't think a simple disagreement or two is worth losing that relationship over.

My parents had absolutely 'carte blanche' for spoiling my children, that is a grandparent's privilege. As for the special instructions (choking) in my case my late younger son being a kidney patient, good grandparents, at least my parents were fully aware of that and even more cautious than we, his parents, were. Religiously it was the other way around, we as atheists were perfectly fine by catholic grandmama teaching and telling them about god, jesus and the like and taking them to church every now and then. As far as the spoiling is concerned, children know perfectly well, what is allowed in their grandparents house is very often not allowed at home. It is that difference that made, at least for my children, the memory of their grandparents the sweetest of their childhood. I think it is cruel to deprive your children and your parents for having that unique relationship.

[MorbidAwe]

Is it just me or does Erica *smile* Shupe *laugh* look a bit mannish? If it weren't for the age difference, she looks like a good match for David *deep into the prayer closet* Waller!

[pudding]

I tried to go to largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2013/03/navigating-difficult-relationships.html, or even just largefamiliesonpurpose.com and I keep getting an error/page not found message. Grrrr!

Thought so too, but you have to type in www! Without the www it doesn't work... fundie sites :roll:

[OkToBeTakei]

Is it just me or does Erica *smile* Shupe *laugh* look a bit mannish? If it weren't for the age difference, she looks like a good match for David *deep into the prayer closet* Waller!

I honestly try really hard not to comment on peoples looks etc. I think it is generally irrelevant and does not add anything to opinion.

THAT being said I'm about to break my rule. I think she is trying to eat me when I see her smile :shock:

Now I feel bad for saying it. I feel OK saying she is a controlling shit though.

[YPestis]

Sad that Erica bars the grandparents from seeing the kiddos due to her hardline fundie issues. However, this isn't surprising. We know that other fundie families also support cutting off family for, you know, speaking positively of working mothers and wearing pants. I love how fundies act like these ideas are carnal sins which will taint and corrupt their toddlers. That type of fundie horror would be hilarious if the consequences weren't so serious.

It's really sad that these kids are deprived of their grandparents. What's more, their less fundie grandparents could have offered them a counterweight to their parents' crazy ideas and support if they choose to leave. I guess that's why the errant relatives are cut off from the kids. No new ideas in, no way out.

[Full enough quiver]

I have a friend that cut her mil off because she allowed her toddler son to watch tv. I don't necessarily approve of little kids watching tv, but it's friggin sesame street! He won't die! Her logic was that different rules confuse kids. How stupid do you think your kid is? My kid always understood that different houses have different rules. Not a hard concept for a reasonably bright child to get. (totally different scenario for a non nuerotypical child. I would never imply that a child like that is stupid if changes in routine upset them. But this was a perfectly average 3 year old)