Odds and ends at the Maxwells

[usmcmom]

And this could be another factor why the adult children at home are not married, aside from their insular life. Joseph came close but it looks as if even the fundie wannabe Muncks realized the crazy. The Maxwells are outliers within their own kind.

Steve hates the world more than he loves his children, I think. Most of us are a little sad when our kids leave home; we get a little nervous about how they'll do on their own, but we don't rob them of the opportunity to grow and experience life. I know it's been said many times, but people like the Maxwells must have no confidence in their own child rearing skills and the values they've passed on to their kids. If they truly believed in themselves as parents and examples, they could let their kids go.

[nokidsmom]

Steve hates the world more than he loves his children, I think. Most of us are a little sad when our kids leave home; we get a little nervous about how they'll do on their own, but we don't rob them of the opportunity to grow and experience life. I know it's been said many times, but people like the Maxwells must have no confidence in their own child rearing skills and the values they've passed on to their kids. If they truly believed in themselves as parents and examples, they could let their kids go.

Re the bolded: this is really the heart of things. Parents like this are guided by fear: fear of the outside world, fear of their children being corrupted by the world the minute the kid steps out with absolutely no consideration for the fact that the kid may be perfectly capable of holding on to his/her principles, but probably the greatest fear is their kids finding out things for themselves and maybe realizing their parents were wrong.

[usmcmom]

Re the bolded: this is really the heart of things. Parents like this are guided by fear: fear of the outside world, fear of their children being corrupted by the world the minute the kid steps out with absolutely no consideration for the fact that the kid may be perfectly capable of holding on to his/her principles, but probably the greatest fear is their kids finding out things for themselves and maybe realizing their parents were wrong.

And it makes me sad that these young people are basically being told "you will fail out there because you are too weak." Don't most of us like to be our kids' cheerleaders and let them know we have confidence in them? I try not to adopt a sky-is-falling attitude when my kids face a challenge. Even if I'm a little nervous for them I say "You got this!" I don't care what he says, Steve's kids will NOT be able to function when he's gone.

[nokidsmom]

And it makes me sad that these young people are basically being told "you will fail out there because you are too weak." Don't most of us like to be our kids' cheerleaders and let them know we have confidence in them? I try not to adopt a sky-is-falling attitude when my kids face a challenge. Even if I'm a little nervous for them I say "You got this!" I don't care what he says, Steve's kids will NOT be able to function when he's gone.

It's natural to be apprehensive when one's kids face a challenge and particularly so when the time comes for them to go out on their own. I don't have kids myself but could easily see myself feeling this way if I had them. But really, there's no choice. Kids will never know unless they try and they can't be kept under your roof forever. But if Steve has any kind of concern over his adult children, particularly Sarah, still being at home, he really should look in the mirror for the reason why. He's killed any confidence they may have had.

[usmcmom]

Nokidsmom said: "It's natural to be apprehensive when one's kids face a challenge and particularly so when the time comes for them to go out on their own. I don't have kids myself but could easily see myself feeling this way if I had them. But really, there's no choice. Kids will never know unless they try and they can't be kept under your roof forever. But if Steve has any kind of concern over his adult children, particularly Sarah, still being at home, he really should look in the mirror for the reason why. He's killed any confidence they may have had."

I don't think he has any concern at all over his kids being at home. I think he looks at it as a victory, at least with his daughters. I think it's confirmation in his mind that he's in complete control. With the boys, especially the one who's had a failed courtship (Joseph?), he probably chalks it up to other families just not being holy enough. Again, that's a victory in his mind.

Edited to fix that quote thing. And yet.... :?

[nokidsmom]

Nokidsmom said: "It's natural to be apprehensive when one's kids face a challenge and particularly so when the time comes for them to go out on their own. I don't have kids myself but could easily see myself feeling this way if I had them. But really, there's no choice. Kids will never know unless they try and they can't be kept under your roof forever. But if Steve has any kind of concern over his adult children, particularly Sarah, still being at home, he really should look in the mirror for the reason why. He's killed any confidence they may have had."

I don't think he has any concern at all over his kids being at home. I think he looks at it as a victory, at least with his daughters. I think it's confirmation in his mind that he's in complete control. With the boys, especially the one who's had a failed courtship (Joseph?), he probably chalks it up to other families just not being holy enough. Again, that's a victory in his mind.

Edited to fix that quote thing. And yet.... :?

No worries about the quote but I don't think it's likely that he has any concerns either. But if the mighty Steveovah ever had a fleeting moment of doubt, he might want to look in that mirror.

He probably sees the kids still at home as a victory and yes, in the case of Joseph's failed engagement, it's was all about the other family not being good enough. I suspect that engagement ended because Liz and / or her family saw the crazy in time but with Steve, he's just going to think the fault was in them and not his crazy control freakiness.

I had parents who were / are similar to the Maxwells and they saw keeping my adult sisters at home a good thing however once the sisters hit their 30's even they were starting to wonder what the problem was. But it was still about all those "other people" who weren't good enough not the fact that it was their unhealthy need to control. And the fact they scared my sisters with how I was the the "bad daughter" who broke up the family and they didn't want to be like me. I am sure there's a strong message from Steve about the family being together at all costs, and leaving, even to get married and start your own life, is to "breaking up the family" and dilutes his control.

[Toothfairy]

Steve is a mentally ill person who needs meds and a psychiatrist. I don't get why he wants his kids to fear the outside world. Teach them how to deal with the outside world, not sheltered and scared in a box.

[skankbiscuit]

I am completely convinced that his time in Vietnam harmed him psychologically.

[nokidsmom]

It's hard to know what caused Steve to go down the rabbithole. Vietnam service could certainly be part of it, though. My dad's control issues seemed to have come from his military experiences.

Whatever the cause, Steve's extreme control / sheltering of his family is not normal and equating that control as being from God and to do otherwise is going to hell, that is majorly effed up.

[SPHASH]

The Maxwells are so isolated I bet they don't even know about the shooting at the Jewish Community Center in Overland Park KS.

[Justme]

The Maxwells are so isolated I bet they don't even know about the shooting at the Jewish Community Center in Overland Park KS.

How far is that from them?

[SPHASH]

How far is that from them?

According to Google Maps 36 miles.

[Trynn]

Was that recent? Because I'm not sheltered, and this is the first I've heard if it. I don't live in the area though, so if it didn't make the national news...

Still. That's horrible :(

[uber frau]

It made BBC and the (Australian) ABC.

[sparkles]

Was that recent? Because I'm not sheltered, and this is the first I've heard if it. I don't live in the area though, so if it didn't make the national news...

Still. That's horrible :(

Sunday, in Overland Park, KS. a 72 YO with a history of racism and anti-Semitism (he's a white supremacist who's well-known to authorities) opened fire at a Jewish community center killing 2 and at a Jewish retirement community killing one. None of the victims were Jewish but he's being charged with hate crimes, because intent is the determining factor.

The Maxwells, in their arrogance, almost NEVER talk about events of this nature. I don't believe they ever mentioned 9/11, except to say that it almost derailed Sarah's plans to visit a friend (yes, a FRIEND!); Newtown wasn't mentioned at all and so on and so on. Occasionally, they do mention weather-related events but otherwise...zero. Zip. Nada. I have no doubt that they do know about these things since they depend on others for info--the Maxwell version of chatting around the water cooler. But the Maxwells are apparently so above the common riff-raff that a simple expression of sympathy is too much to ask. And considering Judaism is one of those religions they'd characterize as "false" (a phrase they've used many times, including for non-Maxwellian Christians), I'm not surprised these shootings don't warrant a mention.

[SPHASH]

I think they mentioned the Boston bombing last year.

[sparkles]

Yes, they did. It was one of their very rare acknowledgments that there's a world outside their bubble. I remember being very surprised when I read it.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

Maybe the "jolly" postman brings them news from outside?

[WonderingInWA]

Nope, they don't read news on paper so the Jolly Postman could bring it, but it would go straight into the recycle bin.

And I think it's interesting, too, the tragedies they do choose to mention over the ones they don't. I've never seen them talk about a single world event.

[kpmom]

Is it my imagination, or do the Maxwells not request prayer for stupid, silly, mundane stuff so often anymore?

[ljohnson2006]

I hope that Melanie's pregnancy is going well, and baby four is their last.

[uber frau]

Is it my imagination, or do the Maxwells not request prayer for stupid, silly, mundane stuff so often anymore?

They don't. I think they got reamed a few too many times. But their whole style has changed; they used to encourage interaction (even if it was only with the right kind of Christians who were making the right kind of appreciative and adoring noises). No they seem to be trying to be a bit more current, but it's very obvious they want to all communication to be going out, not coming in.

[YPestis]

The Maxwells, in their arrogance, almost NEVER talk about events of this nature. I don't believe they ever mentioned 9/11, except to say that it almost derailed Sarah's plans to visit a friend (yes, a FRIEND!); Newtown wasn't mentioned at all and so on and so on. Occasionally, they do mention weather-related events but otherwise...zero. Zip. Nada. I have no doubt that they do know about these things since they depend on others for info--the Maxwell version of chatting around the water cooler. But the Maxwells are apparently so above the common riff-raff that a simple expression of sympathy is too much to ask. And considering Judaism is one of those religions they'd characterize as "false" (a phrase they've used many times, including for non-Maxwellian Christians), I'm not surprised these shootings don't warrant a mention.

I think you described perfectly how the Maxwells see world events. They are just so "above" all that (being all pure and Biblical) that they don't deal with petty things like terrorism and earthquakes and such. After all, nothing on Earth really matters except believing in Jesus, and we will all DIE.

The few times they've mentioned world events is the Boston marathon bombing. That was probably a reflection of Steve's past participation in marathons....he may have held the Boston marathon in high esteem. I believe Steve otherwise tries to avoid all discussions of the outside world unless it directly affects them. The Maxwells get their news through a two ways: hearing about it in line at the grocery story (yes, they actually mentioned this), and reading about it through a few pro-life newsletters they receive. It's a wonder how they even understand modern colloquialism.

[PennySycamore]

This is sorta off-topic, but I was watching the children's cartoon Peppa Pig this afternoon with my granddaughter. In the first episode, Peppa's family -Peppa, Mummy, Daddy, and brother George- had to go to the supermarket. Mummy had a list of things to buy. When they got to the checkout, Mummy found that there was chocolate cake in the trolley(Daddy put it in) and it wasn't on the list! Mummy Pig decided that it was fine to get the cake and added to the list. It occurred to me that never would have happened at the Maxwells. They just wouldn't get a cake on the spur of the moment. The second episode had the Pig family going to the beach. Mummy wore a bikini and Daddy let himself be buried in the sand by the little kids. That wouldn't happen either. Can't be having fun!

[uber frau]

They certainly wouldn't go jumping in muddy puddles or all laughing so hard they fall over.