When fundies self diagnose / Narcissism thy name is Lori

[usmcmom]

The interesting thing is that we will never see Vic's reply if it is not glowing and worshipful of the Alexanders.

I had my husband read that response and asked what he'd do if that were written to me. He said first he'd email Ken and tell him to stop telling me, in great detail, how to seduce him; and that Ken should get his jollies far away from a Christian woman's blog. Then he'd send Ken Alexander's name to the contacts we have and see if he's ever been charged with stalking or a sex crime.

[Firiel]

I wonder if Ken reads and answers Lori's emails. He has practically taken over her blog so I can see him taking over that too.

Maybe we should e-mail Lori and find out! :D

[Firiel]

Oh, and I thought y'all should know-- my boyfriend has started making up songs and little mythologies about Lori Alexander.

I'm corrupting him! :?

[jerkit]

Commenter:

That was a lovely post. My husband and I have never danced together ever in thirteen years. I used to ask him, but I've learned to stop asking. We weren't allowed to dance at our wedding (my parents were diehard anti-dancing and they called the shots for the reception). I have to admit that on the occasions when he's gone for a week or so (which is rare) I don't miss him at all. I feel kind of relieved. He doesn't love me anymore, and I've about broken my neck working on all the stuff in all the books. I have compromised my health (sleep mostly) and a lot of the things I need to do with the kids (we homeschool) in order to cater to everything he likes. He finally asked me one day to leave the bedroom because I rolled too much and it disturbed his sleep when the bed moved, so I went out to the living room sofa, which was hard at first, but I would just get a stack of books and read until I fell asleep on the sofa. Now I sleep great there without the aid of reading. First off I was practically clawing at anything I could get hold of to "get it back", but now I'm at peace. I have more time to spend with the children, being out on the sofa gets me more sleep and I started focusing on more things that I could do that brought me joy. The most difficult thing is when I start wanting a marriage relationship again and THAT is what is hard....I always end up trying to connect and later wishing I hadn't. *sigh* He gets very angry when I try. So when I want to connect, I go for a good run or do another type of workout, which makes me feel a LOT better. I'm so happy you all have such happy marriages.....it's taken me a long time to be able to observe happily married people or read about them without struggling against jealousy. I think I'm over that now.

Lori:

I had read every marriage book out there also that I could get my hands on but nothing helped until I read "Created to be His Help Meet." The other book I highly recommend is "A Discourse on Meekness and Quietness of Spirit" by Matthew Henry. {You can get that one on kindle for 99 cents.} I encourage you to read both of these books with an open heart and see if may help you a lot also.

Commenter:

I read "Created" as one of the first I read, and I think that got me in the worst situation, frankly. He ate it up, and I was a drained, exhausted mess "doing" it all. I still have the book and read it from time to time, but my husband took full advantage of it and before a month was up I was exhausted. I can't go down that road again anytime soon. Helen Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood is a lot more realistic, although Debi Pearl is spot on about learning how to do manly type chores -- the part where I disagree with Helen Andelin. I can repair most normal things in the house myself, with a few exceptions.

My husband, I might add, is AMAZINGLY talented....he can fix anything, make anything and grow anything (he could grow a tomato out of garden filled with cement, I am convinced). He repairs every vehicle we have ever owned, and he's not a mechanic by trade; just purchases the Hanes manual and reads it until he's got it down. His Mom was a superb cook; his ideal job would be to own and operate a restaurant. He taught me how to cook -- and I still don't measure up, so on weekends he does it because he doesn't think I can do a good enough job. To which I finally learned to say, oh well. (I homeschool six different grade levels right now with classical education and we school for a long time each day -- our lunch hour is long because I'm usually so out of it! :-) He wanted me to homeschool, by the way; I was a homeschool graduate, but I do not believe it is the one and only way for every child. He was schooled at private and public schools, and believes homeschooling is the only way. So, we homeschool everybody.

I'll consider the other book you mentioned, but I have to honestly say I really don't care anymore. I worked my way through the jealously part, and then worked my way through most of the "I want a marriage relationship" part, and now I'm at the "I'm at peace" part. As a matter of fact, I sort of like it that way....makes life a lot easier.....but I'll think about it.

Lori:

Thank you for sharing. We all must remember that our goal in life isn't to be happy with our situations and circumstances that we find ourselves in but to glorify the Lord, being salt and light to those around us. It sounds like you keep very busy ministering to your children and taking care of your home. When women come to me in difficult marriages and they do have a meek and quiet spirit, submit to and obey their husbands, etc. {all that the Bible commands that women do} and their marriage still is not good, I encourage them to continue walking in the Spirit in obedience to the Lord. We aren't accountable for our husband's behavior, just our own. The Lord will bless you. It may not be the way that you want, but He does promise that we reap what we sow. Your husband does have many great qualities, however! Dwell upon those things and may the Lord continue to give you peace.

Commenter:

Hi Lori, I read the discourse. It's almost word for word what I was admonished to read years ago.....I am really not in love with my husband anymore except for what my obligation is to desire his eternal salvation; I really am not looking for any restoration anymore. It was not a good place to be. But I wanted to tell you that I appreciated your suggestions and wish you all the best. I am very happy for you and for all the ladies here. But I'm ready to move on pretty much, although I'll always be faithful to my vows and never leave, but I'm going to find my happiness in my children and doing what God wants me to do, fill my day with as many creative and church activities always with other women. God has given me so many consolations and has shown me I don't need my husband's love or my parents' love to live a life of great abundance. I'm happy.

[salex]

We all must remember that our goal in life isn't to be happy with our situations and circumstances that we find ourselves in but to glorify the Lord, being salt and light to those around us.

Yes, we must all remember happiness is not all it is cracked up to be. She tells us this on an ongoing basis.

Keep telling yourself that Lori. Eventually either you or Ken will die and either way you'll finally be free of one another.

[PrairieGirl]

Commenter:

Lori:

Commenter:

Lori:

Commenter:

:pink-shock:

If this "commenter" is real (and I will take any commenter with a pile of salt), she sounds like she is as far from happiness as one could ever be and on the brink of a nervous breakdown. If she is truly a real person, I hope she can get some actual help.

And OF COURSE her husband is the most perfect man to ever be created! I mean, what man isn't?

Lori Alexander is a fucking monster.

[quiversR4hunting]

Commenter:

Lori:

Commenter:

Lori:

Commenter:

Wow. If my husband kicked me out of the bedroom, I would not be spending every night on the couch. Nope, not having it. I get it, she can't leave, she homeschools and doesn't have an income but the spare bedroom or a bed purchased for another room would be where I sleep, not on the couch!

As prairiegirl said, if she is a real person, wow. I feel really bad for her. I can see where someone can get to her position of just giving up on the marriage and concentrating on the kids. It's too bad this lady is wasting her life with her husband. I wonder when she will look back and say "why did I stay?" I also wonder if she has thought about what she is teaching her kids with their behavior. The kids have to know (at least on a subconscious level) this is off but .....

[polecat]

:pink-shock:

If this "commenter" is real (and I will take any commenter with a pile of salt), she sounds like she is as far from happiness as one could ever be and on the brink of a nervous breakdown. If she is truly a real person, I hope she can get some actual help.

And OF COURSE her husband is the most perfect man to ever be created! I mean, what man isn't?

Lori Alexander is a fucking monster.

Sounds like her husband maybe needs to talk to a doctor. Unless I'm reading this very wrong, it sounds like they have a sexless marriage, which is causing a huge rift in their relationship (he's angry, and she feels unloved). And it's sad that Lori can't even understand that because to her sex is nothing but 10 minutes and lube.

[Koala]

Sadly, I think she's real. I recall reading something very similar to this on Lori's blog before. I am almost certain it was her, and for some reason I don't get a fake vibe from her. Bless her heart....I can't imagine not having my husband for a best friend. :(

[PrairieGirl]

Wow. If my husband kicked me out of the bedroom, I would not be spending every night on the couch. Nope, not having it. I get it, she can't leave, she homeschools and doesn't have an income but the spare bedroom or a bed purchased for another room would be where I sleep, not on the couch!

As prairiegirl said, if she is a real person, wow. I feel really bad for her. I can see where someone can get to her position of just giving up on the marriage and concentrating on the kids. It's too bad this lady is wasting her life with her husband. I wonder when she will look back and say "why did I stay?" I also wonder if she has thought about what she is teaching her kids with their behavior. The kids have to know (at least on a subconscious level) this is off but .....

10 minutes? You are giving Ken way too much credit.

[formergothardite]

Remember Ken's outrage over his two friends who married sisters who didn't want to have sex because it was painful or because of their mother or because they were ungodly(the reason changed several times)?

If sex is not a regular part of that marriage one often sees the spouse finding other godless outlets for their natural desires. Yes, they are responsible for their porn, or affairs, or whatever, but a spouse depriving another is not being helpful to maintain the marriage bed as pure.

Where is Ken's outrage now?

[salex]

Personally, when I scanned the story, I got the vibe that the only person going without sex in the woman's marriage was the woman on the couch.

[Firiel]

Personally, when I scanned the story, I got the vibe that the only person going without sex in the woman's marriage was the woman on the couch.

This was too sad to use the "like" feature as a way of agreeing, but yeah, that's the vibe the story gives off.

[2xx1xy1JD]

She may be real. I have many cases where couples continue to live under the same roof in sexless marriages devoid of any real love or relationship. Real estate here is expensive and so couples can live like this for years or even decades.

Lori clearly lacks anything resembling empathy. I also don't see her ever recommending that the wife actually sit down and ask the husband what the problem is.

[momof2treasures]

I wish someone somewhere could convince this woman that divorce was okay. She won't go to hell and everyone deserves love and happiness. This is no way to live.

[polecat]

Lori's favorite thing about being married is knowing you always have someone to provide for you.

She's a romantic little minx, isn't she?

[HoneyBunny]

So now she's said it right out: Ken is a security blanket. She went from Doctor Daddy to Ken and all that marriage means to her is security. A winning lotto ticket could provide the same comfort.

The lady has something wrong with her (and I don't mean a tumor or fused neck or parasite ridden gut or anorexia, which either she's admitted to or I strongly suspect is the case). She is incapable of feelings. My Aspergers nephew has more empathy than Lori Anderson.

[salex]

Ah lori. Finally admite their arrangement is sex for cash. Gods plan at its best

[2xx1xy1JD]

Was that a subtle dig from Psalm1wife when she said security is not just about finances?

This post was just sad. Ken has changed his feelings about Lori while Lori has the same view. She can't say that her favorite thing about her marriage is Ken.

Security is not moor tang. It it is not guaranteed in marriage. Shit happens. Disability and or Illness hits. Business goes downhill. True love and commitment survives that.

[dairyfreelife]

Remember Ken's outrage over his two friends who married sisters who didn't want to have sex because it was painful or because of their mother or because they were ungodly(the reason changed several times)?

Where is Ken's outrage now?

Oh, that's such bull. He's making excuses. No one is responsible for anyone else's actions but themselves. Yes, but is all just an excuse. When you say yes and then say but you are invalidating what you just said. Either they are fully responsible or they are not. No gray area in cases like this.

I feel very sad for the woman in that post. My heart breaks for her. No one should feel like that in their marriage, no one. And dumbass Lori tries to tell her to change. Sounds like her husband is an asshole and doesn't care one lick about his wife's wants or needs or any desire to do anything to please her. Doesn't sound like he even wants to try to save his marriage at all. Sounds like a real piece of work. I so wish she could get out of that situation and maybe find a better man for her if she wants or make herself and children happy in a happy home not worried about SOs.

Off-Topic Note: I can't get any of the tabs to work on here anymore. Not sure why. I can't quote or hide content or insert anything. It just goes blank. So weird. Any ideas on why my computer won't allow it?

[polecat]

Was that a subtle dig from Psalm1wife when she said security is not just about finances?

This post was just sad. Ken has changed his feelings about Lori while Lori has the same view. She can't say that her favorite thing about her marriage is Ken.

Security is not moor tang. It it is not guaranteed in marriage. Shit happens. Disability and or Illness hits. Business goes downhill. True love and commitment survives that.

I feel like I'm totally showing my age, but what's this mean? :embarrassed:

[Georgiana]

I feel like I'm totally showing my age, but what's this mean? :embarrassed:

I'm 27 and have a teenage sister who keeps me up on the lingo. I'm just as lost as you!

I think this might be a regional thing rather than an age thing :)

[church_of_dog]

I'm 27 and have a teenage sister who keeps me up on the lingo. I'm just as lost as you!

I think this might be a regional thing rather than an age thing :)

Sometimes telling the difference between slang I've never heard of, and phone autocorrect gibberish is impossible for me! :lol: :character-oldtimer:

[polecat]

Sometimes telling the difference between slang I've never heard of, and phone autocorrect gibberish is impossible for me! :lol: :character-oldtimer:

That's a good point. I remember my kids going "That's straight fire!" for a while, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why they were saying it or what they meant. Then someone my husband knows started writing "thot," and we put our grizzled heads together and decided it was text-speak for "thought." It's not. :lol:

[Hane]

I feel like I'm totally showing my age, but what's this mean? :embarrassed:

"More poontang" (poontang=vulgar term for vagina). *62-year-old who inexplicably figured this out slinks away in mortification*