When fundies self diagnose / Narcissism thy name is Lori

[tigerchild]

Abusive individuals often cannot feel or recognize that there is any connection outside of dominance/submission or control. I'm not talking about the kink here, but relationship dynamics.

It doesn't surprise me that Ken or Lori cannot fathom there could be a connection without dominance and control and asserting it or yielding to it.

I was raised in that kind of environment. It is fucking sick. (Again, not talking about the kink of dominance and submission, I see nothing wrong with that) I did end up with disordered eating (not self diagnosed, I'm back in treatment after a relapse) because literally that was the only thing that I could marginally control. (I still got weight checked every week by my father growing up, as did my mom, but luckily I was athletic so.) I'm not surprise in an atmosphere with dominance as connection that there are eating disorders and/or body image issues.

[kpmom]

Both of Lori's daughters struggled with body image issues, but it's the youngest who has blogged publicly about being on the verge of anorexia.

Anyway, Ken posted this today:

1) I would like for him to cite a source for his assertion that an egalitarian marriage has no deep connections.

2) I am certain that God appreciates Ken speaking on his behalf. For clarity: Treating each other with love and respect is NOT God's design for marriage (according to Ken who speaks on behalf of God)

It's funny that Ken speaks about egalitarian marriages having rules. That's just how I feel, and hate, about patriarchal marriages.

Men behave this way only, women behave that way only.

No such rules in egalitarian marriages, thankfully.

And yes, it's good to know God does not approve of marriages where each partner treats the other with love and respect. We certainly don't need more love and respect in the world! :roll:

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Clean eating by itself is fine. I mentioned it because it's not just clean eating but what appears to be - for both of them - obsessive food issues. The little comments she's made about how she's cheating or going to work it off later. That plus knowing their history which Ken stated, and knowing her mothers history of letting them know when they're gaining weight....some sort of disordered eating just seems quite plausible to me. Plus personal experience with knowing that you don't just get rid of food issues; they stay with you in some form.

[salex]

It's funny that Ken speaks about egalitarian marriages having rules. That's just how I feel, and hate, about patriarchal marriages.

Men behave this way only, women behave that way only.

No such rules in egalitarian marriages, thankfully.

And yes, it's good to know God does not approve of marriages where each partner treats the other with love and respect. We certainly don't need more love and respect in the world! :roll:

Oh, good to know Ken is still talking out of his ass.

Just told my husband that apparently we have had a sad 35 years, with no deep connections, no vulnerability and no intimacy. He laughed and said "oh them again."

Based on their description of their marriage before and after the conversion to "yes dear" by lori, I would say that my husband are head and shoulders above them in all three categories.

And we have the added benefit of not actually giving a shit how other couples set up their own marriage. We don't try to force others to follow some arbitrary way that marriage should work based in the marvelous success of our own because the truth is, every couple has to work out their own dance. While Lorken is convinced everyone is the same as themselves, I believe everyone is different and needs to have the ability to communicate with their spouse about what they want/like. However, that is all much more difficult than finding a book (first Debbie Pearls book and lately the Bible, for Lorken) to use as the ultimate rule book.

Developing one's own dance requires getting to know one another instead of just forcing yourself into the correct category and following the rules for that category.

[jerkit]

I have never seen the alleged disordered posts from Alyssa. That doesn't mean they don't exist, I've just never seen them.

[Koala]

I have never seen the alleged disordered posts from Alyssa. That doesn't mean they don't exist, I've just never seen them.

Daughter A:

My biggest struggle as a dancer was my body image. I never was happy with what I saw in the mirror. Unlike artists who paint a portrait and marvel how their different paints created a beautiful painting; we are the paint. We use our bodies to create the art. Not only do we have to look at them (in class & rehearsals) but so does the audience (in performance).

In my early years of dance, my body became my obsession. I had not even hit puberty and I was worried that I was too curvy or not skinny enough. Not only did my image disorder cause insecurity, but it gave rise to a host of other issues: bad eating habits, depression, injuries, foggy thinking, sleepless nights, and more. Idolizing the way I looked never helped me. It did not improve my appearance or my performance.

Daughter C:

I have also struggled with unhealthy relationships with food from overeating and gaining weight to under-eating and losing the weight. It never got too extreme, but I can honestly admit that at one point I was on the verge of anorexia

Daughter C:

Between the milk allergy, stomach problems, low energy, prone to fainting/face-planting, anemia, and my mom forcing me to eat my salad when I was young {stubbornly, I would sit at the the table for over two hours a night refusing to eat my salad}, I am where I am at today

[jerkit]

I'm talking about the accusations about current disordered posts on IG. An "obsession with clean eating" and posts about "cheating" and "working it off later.

[Koala]

Lori Alexander:

A friend of mine told me many years ago that her husband didn't like sex because he had low testosterone. She was overweight. Years later, she lost a ton of weight and got into shape. She told me her husband won't leave her alone now!

Would your husband like you to lose weight? Ask him. We are called in Scripture to obey our husbands in everything! This is not taught today. Women do not want to hear this but if your husband would love for you to lose weight, you need to do it for him.

{Some men like some meat on their women. You must ask him how much meat he likes!}

Quote Lori posted on her blog:

Christian women need to be told the truth about men ~

Men are attracted to youth and looks. This is normal. Men are not evil, base or perverted for being attracted to youth and beauty. Young Christian girl, if you are not getting approached or asked out, it’s probably because you’re not attractive enough, you’re not nice enough or you’re not available enough. You need to work on this. You need to lose weight, grow your hair out, wear nice clothes and some decent makeup. You might be a b****, and if you are, you need to be nicer. If you really want to find a man and marry, then you need to get serious about it while you’re young.

Lori Alexander:

As our daughters got older, if we thought they were gaining weight, we would talk to them about it. I know this is supposedly a "taboo" subject but we felt no subject was "taboo" with our children. If we saw any sin in their lives, we would talk to them about it.

When you see your children overeating or gaining weight, are you allowed to talk to them about it? I would venture to say that most parents think it is wrong to say anthing to them. They can confront their children if they are lying, stealing, cheating, etc. but if they eat too much, they aren't allowed to confront them with this issue.

Ken and I disagreed with this philosophy. If we saw our children doing anything that we thought was harmful or against Scripture, we talked to them about it.

Many will say that this will lead to eating disorders in women. How many women do you know that haven't struggled in the area of weight and eating? I think it is just something most women will struggle with. Most people struggle with overeating, because food is so abundant and delicious in America.

I know it was hard for our girls if we ever brought it up to them but isn't it hard when anyone brings up any issue in your life that may be a bad habit or sin?

Ken Alexander:

We knew she was snacking and loved chips. She did not like to eat meals, just snack. So we talked to her about her snacking issues. You are the ideal parent. What would you have done? The fact that she turned out just fine means nothing to you. Mischaracterization. You do not know the facts.

She was never anorexic like others in her group, and always ate well

I do not like the skinny look myself, and Alyssa looked good, but a couple of times probably added an extra 5 lbs on top of the 5 she normally carried more than most ballerinas.

No Lori most likely never referred to weighty gain as sin.

It's not hard to figure out where their issues came from

[Koala]

I'm talking about the accusations about current disordered posts on IG. An "obsession with clean eating" and posts about "cheating" and "working it off later.

Oh! Yeah, I don't know about that. I have only looked at her instagram once.

[jerkit]

Oh! Yeah, I don't know about that. I have only looked at her instagram once.

Notaloserlikeyou said they've made current "little comments" like I described above. I would like to hear what those are. I know it's out in the open that they've said they struggled in the past, but I haven't seen evidence of it currently.

[usmcmom]

Lori Alexander:

Quote Lori posted on her blog:

Lori Alexander:

Ken Alexander:

I really cannot comprehend a father who knows so much about his daughter's weight - down to an "extra 5 pounds." I just asked my husband if he had any idea how much our daughter weighed and he looked at me liked I'd lost my mind..."Why would I need to know our daughter's weight?!?" I'm especially bothered by Ken's mention of the extra 5 pounds "on top." Just how closely did he eye his daughters? I don't care if she was in an activity where weight was so important. Isn't that what coaches and instructors are for? To monitor the weight of their dancers?

Our son was a wrestler and we never - not once - weighted him at home. That was his coach's job and something to be dealt with at the gym. He certainly didn't need us bothering him at home about it. I can't imagine the stress a young girl must feel, knowing her parents are going to be nagging her daily about her weight.

Ken has way too much knowledge of his daughter's weight and body types, if you ask me. Whether it's from his over controlling nature or a sick obsession with his little girls, I don't know, but it's very disturbing.

And he doesn't like the skinny look? :? Has he informed his wife of this? Just a word from him and she'd put on a few pounds. Lori does not look healthy, in my opinion.

[feministxtian]

Men go for youth and looks? Sure wish someone had told my husband when he fell head over heels with a 34 year old, slightly overweight mom of 3. 17 years later (and a few more lbs) and he STILL thinks I'm all that. Maybe he needs to talk to Ken and get his head screwed on straight :evil-eye:

[Koala]

And he doesn't like the skinny look? :? Has he informed his wife of this? Just a word from him and she'd put on a few pounds. Lori does not look healthy, in my opinion.

I didn't think of it at the time, but I wonder if that was a jab at Lori...

[usmcmom]

In the comment section of today's post, Lori linked to one of her previous articles:

(lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/03/for-husbands-who-dont-want-submissive.html)

There is a comment from Courtney in that post. I assume it is THE Courtney. When I clicked on her name I got "blog has been removed" message.

Oh, Courtney I do wonder what happened to you and just how much Ken had to do with it. :(

[jerkit]

In the comment section of today's post, Lori linked to one of her previous articles:

(lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/03/for-husbands-who-dont-want-submissive.html)

There is a comment from Courtney in that post. I assume it is THE Courtney. When I clicked on her name I got "blog has been removed" message.

Oh, Courtney I do wonder what happened to you and just how much Ken had to do with it. :(

The article was not applicable at all to the original question. Lori is so oblivious and has reading comprehension issues most of the time.

[Hisey]

Remember when they talked about how he colored Cassi's hair when she was 14? Cassi's comment indicated she wasn't happy about it at the time. Sounded like he insisted or persuaded her to try the color.

I thought that was weird. I have a 14-year old and my husband would never do such a thing. Just wouldn't interest him or occur to him. He thinks his daughters are perfect the way they are. Besides, it wouldn't feel right to him to mention it.

And I would never suggest coloring a kid's hair, though I don't forbid it outright. I don't want my kids to feel they need "improvement," nor do I want the bother of maintaining a teenager's haircolor.

We basically let the kids do what they want with their hair. Our policy is that we pay for haircuts, and if they want color, they need to pay for it themselves. My youngest recently saved her money and paid a hairdresser to put in a temporary color. I told her it looks great. However, it's a totally different story to *insist* on coloring a young teen's hair. That would imply that I had control/strong opinions about something that should be in a teenager's control.

My girls have brown hair the same shade as Cassi's. It's shiny, bouncy, pretty, healthy. I don't think color (which can be damaging) would improve upon what God gave them anyway.

Edited because I repeated a word twice.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Notaloserlikeyou said they've made current "little comments" like I described above. I would like to hear what those are. I know it's out in the open that they've said they struggled in the past, but I haven't seen evidence of it currently.

I said I was just speculating, not that it was conclusive, calm down. I thought I remembered a post where she went off the plan by drinking and said she'd work it off later. Do I see it now? No. But I'm also not going to look through every pic. If I'm wrong about it, I stand corrected. You win? I still think she seems a bit obsessed with the healthy eating and that her past issues could still be present but like I said that's just me speculating.

[jerkit]

Woah woah. I was not upset or defensive at all. I was just wondering if you had a particular post in mind and if you could point me to it. No big deal.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Well I'm defensive lol. I hate being wrong!

[jerkit]

Well I'm defensive lol. I hate being wrong!

Don't we all? Hahaha

We're cool :)

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Don't we all? Hahaha

We're cool :)

:) good good

[polecat]

I really cannot comprehend a father who knows so much about his daughter's weight - down to an "extra 5 pounds." I just asked my husband if he had any idea how much our daughter weighed and he looked at me liked I'd lost my mind..."Why would I need to know our daughter's weight?!?" I'm especially bothered by Ken's mention of the extra 5 pounds "on top." Just how closely did he eye his daughters? I don't care if she was in an activity where weight was so important. Isn't that what coaches and instructors are for? To monitor the weight of their dancers?

Our son was a wrestler and we never - not once - weighted him at home. That was his coach's job and something to be dealt with at the gym. He certainly didn't need us bothering him at home about it. I can't imagine the stress a young girl must feel, knowing her parents are going to be nagging her daily about her weight.

Ken has way too much knowledge of his daughter's weight and body types, if you ask me. Whether it's from his over controlling nature or a sick obsession with his little girls, I don't know, but it's very disturbing.

And he doesn't like the skinny look? :? Has he informed his wife of this? Just a word from him and she'd put on a few pounds. Lori does not look healthy, in my opinion.

Not to defend Ken, who has certainly said plenty of creepy, boundary-crossing things re: his daughters, but I'm pretty sure he meant "on top OF" rather than "on top." He wasn't saying she'd gained five pounds in her bust but rather that she gained five pounds on top of whatever extra weight he thought she was carrying (five pounds in addition to, iow).

[usmcmom]

Not to defend Ken, who has certainly said plenty of creepy, boundary-crossing things re: his daughters, but I'm pretty sure he meant "on top OF" rather than "on top." He wasn't saying she'd gained five pounds in her bust but rather that she gained five pounds on top of whatever extra weight he thought she was carrying (five pounds in addition to, iow).

I see your point and I think you're right. I misread the quote. This is one case where I did mischaracterize Ken's words.

My apologies, Ken.

[jerkit]

"On top of" is almost just as creep as "on top"

Sorry not sorry.

[jerkit]

Also, lori is late.