Letters Of Encouragement To The Victims

[miffy]

You're all beautiful, smart and kind. You did not deserve this and it is not your fault. There are many, many people who genuinely care about you and support you. Our hearts were heavy when we heard about this. Jesus loves you!

[freejoyanna]

Dear girls who are in the world but not of it,

Please don’t be afraid of the world.

The world now knows what has happened, and as you can see from these other messages, no one in the world thinks that you are any less beautiful, worthy, or wonderful for it. In fact, the world has come to know that you are also far more courageous than we expected.

You can love The Lord in the world. He will be alongside you if you choose to find a certified counselor who is affiliated with a psychological association, rather than with a church. They will have a different perspective than church counseling, and you have the right to hear that perspective and decide for yourself if it is worthy of being accepted into your heart. The Lord will also be alongside you if you reach out to a secular survivor’s group, or if you wish to speak out – whether under your own name, or anonymously.

He will not abandon you simply because you abandoned or adjusted the specific religious policies that your parents believed would keep you safe. I know that it must feel upsetting to hear people criticizing your parents who loved and raised you, and I sincerely believe that they did what they believed would protect their children spiritually. However, they are fallible creatures and they did fail. It’s okay to be angry about that.

I would never wish for you to be apart from the people that you love most, and I am in no way implying that you should “run away†from your family who are your dearest friends. I hope that if you choose to venture farther into the world to see what else it has to offer, that your most cherished siblings and friends are able to come with you.

While it may seem to you that having this news re-surface has been nothing but a dark cloud in your lives, please know that there are many other victims of the same situation you experienced who admire you and who now seek comfort in knowing that they are not alone. Please understand that many of us in the world were never discussing what happened to you and your family because we wanted to hurt you. Quite the opposite, many of us only sought the information in the first place so that we could be sure that you were all safe and happy. Now that it has come to light that you may not have been, and might not be now, I hope that you see us reaching out to you now as an act of love.

The world may not be perfect, but it wants wants to help in any way it can.

When the time is right, please give us a chance.

[hahe77]

As someone who was molested by a sibling, I understand what the girls are feeling. I have nothing to add to what others have said except I am sorry for what you have been through.

[SPHASH]

I want to add one more thing. Dear Girls, we may not see eye to eye on your lifestyle, beliefs etc, but we are all God's children and the world which you were raised to be afraid of is full of people in God's image, just like you. Don't be afraid of the world, people want to help you.

[Sundaymorning]

Many posters have already written very good things.

I think it's very important that the girls realise that they and their feelings matter. They are valuable and worthy. Their well-being has priority in this very difficult situation. None of the things that happend is their fault. So many people, even those who don't agree with all of their viewpoints, support them and pray for them.

[VelociRapture]

I absolutely love this idea! As tempted as I am to bash Josh and their parents, I can't bring myself to do that. What I want more than anything is for these young women and their husbands to know that God loves them and they are worthy of love - bashing those responsible seems like it would just cause them to ignore what I have to say.

To Jana, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, and Joy: God has helped guide you to become the smart, strong, funny, loving, and beautiful young women you are today. God loves you exactly as you are - and He knows that none of what happened is your fault. God will never abandon you as you come to terms with what happened to you - He will always be there to listen, to guide, and to protect you. . . and he will never judge you for reaching out to speak to others if you choose to.

Please know that there are countless people thinking of you right now and praying that you are doing ok. Please know that you are worthy of love, acceptance, and support. Please never be afraid to ask for help if you need it, talk about how you feel concerning the situation, or simply cry. Please know that what you are feeling right now is ok and you should never feel ashamed to talk about how you feel.

You are such strong young women. You are inspirations to so many. Never forget that you are incredible people and you are more than worthy of love.

To Derick and Ben: You are two incredibly blessed young men - not only do you have loving parents and siblings, you have also been blessed by marrying the young women you did. To have earned the love and respect of such loving and strong young women is a true testament to the kind of men you have become.

Your wives need you more than ever right now. Their sisters do too. They need your understanding, your courage, and your acceptance of what happened. They need you to look them in the eyes and tell them that nothing that happened was their fault. They need to hear from men they admire that they are worthy of the best things that life has to offer.

You have the opportunity right now to show these young women that there are good men in the world who truly care about their well-being. Show your wives and their sisters that there are men they can trust and men they can turn to when they need help. Be the strong and loving men that your parents raised you to be.

[nomoxian]

You are all so strong. You have survived all of this so far - but please know that lots of people care and want to help you out any way you feel is necessary. I wish nothing but success and happiness for you all. You deserve it all and then some!

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity - Albert Einstein

[meow]

Dear Girls,

I am so sorry for the things that you have experienced in your lives. You all seem like genuinely caring and kind people, and I want to tell you in no uncertain terms that no matter what has happened to you, you are worthy of God's love. God will always be there to guide you, and He knows that none of this is your fault. You will never be judged in God's eyes for seeking support outside the church, if you feel that is what's right for you.

I would like to share this quote with you from a woman named Marianne Wilkinson:

"We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Please know that women all over the world are sending you love and support- and if you ever need a safe place to go, there are SO many people who want to help you get there.

[paintergurl]

I hope the girls will know now that the love and support that is extended toward them is sincere and heartfelt and just immense.

I also hope that they could visit a website like Recovering Grace, where their legalistic and black and white religion is thoughtfully, truthfully and gracefully dismantled.

[MalteseBaby]

I would like to share this quote with you from a woman named Marianne Wilkinson:

"We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

.

I'm sorry to correct you but this is a quote from Marianne Williamson.

[LogansMama]

I want the ladies to know it's ok to leave. Don't be afraid of the outside world! There are so many opportunities out there for each of them. You don't have to stay. I know you think you are abandoning the younger kids and it's the only life you've ever known. I know it's scary, but the world isn't evil like you've been taught. There are truly GOOD people (even atheists!) who can help you start a life away from mom and dad.

[ApologistsBeDamned]

It appears there is a double standard here. I am NOT saying the Duggar daughters in any way, shape or form were responsible for what Josh did to them nor am I saying what Josh did was acceptable, however, if Josh at 14 years of age is responsible for his actions then shouldn't the daughters at 20+ years of age be responsible for theirs?

I find it hypocritical that so many are commenting that Josh at the age of 14, while raised in that warped and emotionally stifling household, should have handled his hormones, psychological problem and impulse control disorder better than he did, HOWEVER, it is completely understandable and acceptable that Jessa and Jill (married adults with children of their own) are so damaged by THEIR upbringing that they are pitied while they continue to subscribe to their parents morals, ethics, and way of life??

Not a single one of these adult children of Jim Bob and Michelle has ever bothered to call the police, write a tell all, run away, or at the very least acknowledge that anything about the way they were raised was wrong and warped. And all these adult Duggar children have had way more non-fundie life experience now than Josh even dreamed about at 14 years of age. All these daughters everyone is crying over are the same women - yes grown women, who have been out in the world and have seen that their way of life isn't normal but have CHOSEN to continue living this way even though they have been afforded far more avenues out and far more opportunities for help than has any other child of any other fundie family.

Why are they considered a pitiable product of their environment but Josh isn't?

Put the BLAME where it belongs. Blame Jim Bob and Michelle who grew up relatively normal and as consenting adults chose to be this way and who so isolated and indoctrinated their children that even ten years or more after a devastating family ordeal there is not a single adult child of this family who is willing to say even something so simple as "Mommy and daddy didn't handle it the best way and I intend to live differently." But 14 year old Josh should have been smarter, better, more moral, more ethical, and less warped than all his adult siblings are expected to be now. Um yeah okay....

By the way I am not a Duggar fan nor am I a Christian. I am an Atheist who lived in Bentonville, AR for nearly a decade and knew of this bizarre fundie family before they were ever on TLC.

My advice to these daughters and sons is get out now. It doesn't get better. The way you were raised is not righteous or more moral or ethical than the way the average American child is raised.

The longer you keep quiet and continue to subscribe to this way of life the less sympathy you deserve.

You adult children of this family are now responsible for your own life. You have chosen this life now and are expected to justify it.

[itsnotmeitsu]

Tell them this does not define them as a person. They are not worth less because of this. They are not worth less if they are still angry and if they don't forgive him all the way. People care about their feelings.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I already wrote mine on Jessa's Facebook page, but I sent it to you anyway...people will probably guess which one it is, but I don't wish to out myself.

[novelistofdreams]

Thank you so much for what you're doing. I've been a short time lurker and literally made an account to write here. Even if the girls aren't open to some of the letters or their content, I hope they realize how much support they have. Also, if the girls truly do wish to contact anyone, I think they should have people they can email or write. I can't imagine them trying to immediately go from their current lives to navigating this entire forum or even fundie recovery sites. And they have no reason to trust any of us. One or two pen pals might be a bit more manageable for them. If it is something they want I'd volunteer to exchange mail with them, if they wanted a confidant close in age.

Dear Jana, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, and Joy,

You have lived so much of your lives in a very public manner, but everybody deserves some measure of privacy. I am so sorry this report has seen the light of day, likely without your knowledge or consent. You are all beautiful girls, in body and soul. That may sound odd coming from a stranger. What do I know, right? But I assure you, you are unique, beautiful, and adored by God. Not to mention anyone who has had the privilege of seeing you grow up in front of the cameras. Many will tell you that it is okay not to forgive your brother, and that is true. God forgives, but God is, well, God. And neither He nor anyone else ought to hold you accountable for struggling to forgive. However, I want you each to know that if you truly forgive your brother, that is okay too. I admire your courage and capacity to forgive. Everyone deals with events in different ways. But whether you are at peace with Josh or not, understand that what he did was not only a sin, but a crime. Sin may be equal in God's eyes, but degrees of crime, especially in the eyes of those affected, are real. You were not at fault, and you have no need to forgive yourself.

Jana, you are a beautiful and nurturing young woman who has had a great positive impact on your siblings' lives. If you wish, you would be a wonderful mother who can provide more for your children than your mother could. But remember you are under no obligation to bear children, or even marry, if it would make you unhappy.

Jill and Jessa, you are embarking on lives of your own, new lives that should never have been surrounded by this negative attention. Turn to your husbands. Not as leaders or headships. Turn to them as your best friends. They love you very much, and you deserve that. You deserve it so much. I am thrilled you both found such happiness in your lives.

Jinger, we are only a year apart in age, and for you I feel so much compassion. I too have an interest in photography. I am even studying filmmaking in school right now. I encourage you to pursue your art. Without art, the world is hardly worth living. You add beauty to a place that needs as much of it as possible.

Joy, you are so strong in brain and body. Know that it is a wonderful thing to be a tomboy, just as it is a wonderful thing to be a lady. At twenty years old I still camp, climb trees, and fit in best with the guys. You never need to grow out of being who you are. You are an incredible young adult with your whole life ahead. Seize it and be awesome.

I truly hope that going forward from the release of this news you make the decisions that are best for your happiness. What happened to you as children is tragic. But all your futures are bright. You all have my prayers and my best wishes.

Your friend and fan,

Rachael

[Four is Enough]

Dear Duggar women:

You have been through much in your young lives. You may not even be aware that YOU HAVE RIGHTS. You have the right to be angry with your brother, and your parents.

You have the right to say no to your husband. If they love you as they seem, they will take Paul's words to heart, and "love you as the Lord loves the Church"... and put you first.

You have the right to an education YOU choose.

You have the right to wear what you please.

You have the right to say what you think.. what YOU think, not what you're taught to say.

There are so many rights you have.. that you're probably unaware you have.

May God bless you richly and abundantly, and may you receive the blessings you need to heal completely and live full lives.

[anjulibai]

It's not your fault and the focus should be on you, no one else. Forgiveness is noble, but deserving only if the person shows true humility. No one has but you five girls.

[Walking Cat Bed]

Dear, wonderful girls:

You have such kind, loving, caring spirits. You have taken care of each other and your younger brothers and sisters your entire lives. You deserve the best, and never received that from your parents.

You are capable of living your own lives. It isn't selfish to want your own lives. I understand wanting to keep your younger siblings safe, and you can help make that happen. It will be hard, but it's possible. You had to deal with things as little girls that nobody should have to deal with, and you were never given the chance to get help for yourselves. You can help your siblings now -- don't let your parents hide the truth. Their reputation is not worth your well-being, nor your younger siblings' well-being. Your parents did not protect you when you were small, but telling the truth will help you protect your younger siblings. Jessa and Jill, you have good husbands. They can help you, and they can help your sisters.

Each of you have so much love to share and so much to give the world. Don't be afraid of the world. There are always people who want to help and don't expect you to give them anything in return.

You are good. You have done nothing wrong. You are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own.

[anon710]

Dear Duggar women, and children,

This is in NO way shape or form your fault.

You have been lied to your entire life, there is a big beautiful world out there that you haven't been exposed to, even though you have traveled extensively with TLC. Believe it or not, there have been things hidden from you.

The rest of the world is really not out to persecute you as Christians. Christianity is a vast spectrum, and I've heard the new Catholic (which IS in fact a Christian domination )Pope is pretty open minded and decent. He expresses all of the views your parents claim they portray. But he not only talks the talk, he walks the walk.

I digress, your clothing (modesty) has nothing to do with what has happened. In the mainstream world we do not blame women who were raped or molested for what they wear, how they act, for being women, or for just existing.

This type of crime is NOT the fault of the victim. You are victims. You have not only been victimized by your brother, but by your parents and your church community.

There are a lot of people out here that actually care about your well being. (Hence this website's existence) We may not share the exact same views, but loving one another is a big part of all religions. I am not Christian, but a Buddhist,and to simplify, I believe in compassion and love.

Please seek real counseling, outside of your church community. (I am sorry to say, that your church community helped to shelter your abuser and NOT you, the victims; which is not only wrong, but an actual CRIME in the eyes of the law.) If you are able, help your younger siblings get counseling too.

There are other websites like "No longer quivering" that can help you as well. You can read stories of other abused women in the Quiverfull movement, and how they are recovering.

My hope for you all is that you realize that the abuse that happened was in no way, shape or form your fault. I hope that you can get some real help and real healing. You are loved by so many, not because you are on tv, but because you are human beings. Period.

Holding you all in the light,

Namaste

[JennNicole91]

Dear Duggar Girls,

I first want to start out by saying- You are kind, You are beautiful, You are smart. Each and every one of you. What happened to you girls was awful. You all have the right to heal the way that you choose, not the way that any one person dictates to you. It is okay to cry, it is okay to yell, it is even okay to not forgive. No one is allowed to take away your feelings, they are yours and they are valid. NO ONE has any right to tell you how you should feel and act after something as horrible as that happens to you. I know it must be terrifying to have this released to the public, but know that your strength is an inspiration to many and many more have your backs. I am 23 years old and I have watched you with my family from the very beginning. I feel like you are my sisters. Know that there are many other sisters out here ready to protect and defend you. I want to leave you with the hotline for abuse survivors, this number will get you the help that you deserve. 1(800)656-4673 .

[Holly]

I would just like to reiterate the abundance of love and support that is waiting for you girls should you choose to leave. Do not feel ashamed or guilty, as this was NOT your fault. God loves you, we love you, and we want to see you in an environment where you are thriving and most importantly, safe. Speaking from experience, it only takes one step to break free. I encourage you all to take that first step. I can promise you that while it may seem scary at first, it will be so worth it. You deserve the world, and it's yours for the taking.

-Supporting YOU always.

[WhiteRun]

Dear girls,

I'm sorry for the utter media storm that enveloped your family. You deserve nothing but praise for remaining so collected and humble. What happened was a result of a manipulative, cruel human who took advantage of you at such a young age. And none of that is your fault.

How incredibly brave and courageous of you for dealing with this personal trauma for so long and having no one to discuss it with. I implore you to get professional help! There are councillors out there who want nothing more than to see you heal. And none of this ever has to get back to your family.

To end let me say you have supporters outside of your family, religion and even country!

May you continue on as smart, successful, faithful, kind, loving young women.

[lillybeth]

To those affected by the actions of Josh Duggar:

I am so very sorry that this happened to you. What Josh did was inexcusable, and was in no way possible your fault. I’m so very sorry that Michelle and Jim Bob, the elders, and the police department failed you.

You also have every right to still be angry. You have every right to not force yourself to forgive those who did you wrong. You also have every right to seek out outside help, even if just to confirm that you’re doing ok.

The world must seem like such a scary place right now, but know that there are so many of us out there who would support you in any way that we could. It’s ok to ask for help, we will be there for you.

[DaysAgo]

And please tell them that because what was done to them was criminal, praying it away or saying they forgive Josh or saying they forgive their parents for covering up the abuse will not ever be enough. They must seek help, counseling, and guidance from trained therapists so that they may the goodness within them.

[prettytired]

Dear girls,

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Whether you acknowledge it or not, whether you know it or not, whether you forgive your brother/abuser or not, you were sexually assaulted and that was wrong. You didn't cause this. You did nothing wrong. No one deserves this.

I hope that you are all doing alright, and I hope that your future is better than your past.