Letters Of Encouragement To The Victims

[zygote373]

Dear girls,

I know you do not know me, but I am wishing the best for all of you. I don't presume to know how you feel about what happened to you or how it is coming up again in the public, but I can't imagine it is easy. Whether you have long moved on from what Josh did or whether you still struggle with it, please know that whatever you feel is okay. If you are still struggling, even just with the public reveal, there are resources to help you. One well-regarded place to start is RAINN: 1.800.656.HOPE(4673).

I also hope you know that none of this is your fault. What Josh did was not okay, even if he has asked for and received forgiveness. You did nothing wrong. I hope that you can find peace with this whole situation and that you are granted the privacy to deal with it however you think is best for you.

[BlackSheep]

Dear girls, I am praying for you. Please know that there are so many people who care about you. Please know that if you need help, there are people who can help you. I will pray that God watches over all of you, and that He blesses all of you with strength, and that He comforts all of you. God places people in our lives to help us. Sometimes these people are not what we would expect. If you need help, please seek it and you will find it. Much love to all of you.

[jerichojones]

Hi Girls,

What happened is not your fault. It doesn't make you any less of a person than you would be if it had not happened. You're all amazing people and what happened to you does not change that. It's okay to be upset or angry. It's okay if sometimes you hate the world. It's just as okay to be happy and to laugh and to not let what happened affect your lives. There is no right or wrong way to deal with what happened and you probably all have dealt with, and will continue to deal with it in different ways. That's okay.

What happened is one of the hardest things to deal with. You were hurt by someone you love. It's hard when that happens, precisely because of the love that you do have for the other person. As Christians, we talk a lot about forgiveness, and it's important to forgive, but you shouldn't feel like you have to forgive until you are ready to forgive. Forgive on your own terms. It's okay to love your brother, even after what happened. I'm sure it can be hard sometimes, but family is important and you shouldn't feel like you have to stop loving him. It's okay to be angry with him. It's okay to be angry with your parents for the way they dealt with it.

It can be hard, but talking about what happened is helpful in healing. You don't have to talk to journalists (and I don't blame you for not wanting to). You don't have to talk to your family. You have each other and you might find it helpful to confide in each other, but just know that you can talk about this to people. Counsellor's are absolutely amazing, and you might find it helpful to find one. There are many different types, some Christian, some secular, and I'm sure that, if you need to talk to someone, a counsellor will help. I would advise you to look into RAINN and seek out their assistance if you need it. You might not. That's okay.

I'm sorry that the world found out about what happened. That's not okay. I'm ashamed that I am a part of that; I'm ashamed that I read articles about it. What happened is something that the world should never have had to hear about. I pray that you are okay and that the media isn't triggering memories for you or making things harder. Please know that we all care about you. No one is judging you for what happened.

It must seem like the outside world wants to hurt you. Sometimes the media can be cruel and invading, as you probably know from the TV show. I can only imagine how hard that must be. People are just concerned. They might not always express it in the best of ways, but it all comes from the most loving of places. Please don't let this hurt you any more than you have already been hurt. Please don't let this stop you from exploring the world outside if that is something you want to do. The world is overwhelmingly good.

Finally, I want you all to know how much people care about you, no matter what you do. You can do anything you want, and you should fight to do what you want, whether that be to go study somewhere, to travel the world, to move to a big city, to adopt 10 cats or to wear a pair of pants. No matter what you do, you will always have your family and your faith and you will not be any less in His eyes if you choose to do something completely different.

You are loved.

[makauflin]

Thank you for doing this!

Girls, please know that NOTHING you did caused this. Sexual violation has nothing to do with the way you dress or what you say. It's a sickness within your brother and it's all about taking power from someone else.

I'm sorry that Josh did not get the proper counseling he needed and deserved. I hope that you did, and that if you feel you need it, you will continue to get counseling.

I'm sorry if you feel that your parents did not put your needs, as victims, first. I'm sorry if you feel that they did not stand behind you, lifting you up as parents should. Please know that there are millions of us who DO support you, and are praying for you every day.

I"m sorry that your private pain came out in such an awful, public way. I can't imagine how that makes you feel.

You are not alone... there are so many survivors of sexual abuse, myself included. Please don't be afraid to seek out others who have been in your position, there's strength and peace in sharing your feelings with other "safe" people. Who knows... one day you may even be in a position to help other victims.

Peace, and God bless you.

[Peas n carrots]

Dear ladies;

I have never been subjected to the kind of abuse you have experienced, but as an adult I've been the victim of sexual harassment by a person in a position of power over me, and I do understand the feeling of helplessness and the expectation of others to forgive the abuser as well as keeping silent.

As others have said, this is 100% NOT YOUR FAULT. Someone you loved and trusted took advantage of you, and that is not right. The adults in your life failed you as well, and that is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Each of you have grown into amazing, strong women, despite those around you failing you and taking advantage of your position. You have much to offer to the world other than being helpmeets. Please remember you deserve the life you want for yourselves - not the life others say you should want for yourselves. There are people out there willing to help you and be your support, and these strangers are willing to do more than your parents and other adults in your lives were willing to offer.

I wish you safe, happy and healthy lives on your own terms.

PNC

[Quivertool]

Dear Girls,

I understand you have been through a lot in your lives, and even more now that all of this information has been released. I am truly sorry that you're caught in the middle of a media frenzy -- some of which shows little compassion for the situation you girls are in.

However, be assured that there are people out there who truly do care about your well-being. People who have watched you grow up to be the beautiful, talented, caring young women that you are today. We are praying for you in this difficult time, and we know that you are approaching it with grace and strength. I know that God will guide you through this, and you will come out stronger for it. Isaiah 41:10, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

Girls, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have done nothing wrong, and there are so many people out there who know this. I certainly can't know what you're thinking right now. You and I were raised in completely different environments, and we have very different worldviews. The people who want to encourage you and help you through this might have some different beliefs than you, but the important thing is that we stand behind you and we want you to find the strength to express yourselves, whether it be in the confidence of God, a trusted friend or sibling, or a counselor. It is perfectly normal and healthy that you all might be taking different approaches to personally dealing with this. If you have embraced forgiveness, that's fine. If you have not but are afraid to speak out about it (or even think about it), that's okay as well. If you have no idea what to think or feel right now, that's also completely normal and understandable.

If I could express and get one idea through to you, it would be this:

Absolutely none of this is your fault. You have not been tainted. You have not sinned. You have not been made less pure.

If you decide to seek outside counseling services, know that there are many certified therapists who share your faith in God and will incorporate that faith into the healing process. I would certainly never try to push you toward a certain option, but I would like to let you know that it's available to you. How you deal with your healing is your business and yours alone. I pray that God will guide you toward the best decision for you.

I hope that my words give you comfort and solace. Moreover, I pray that you are able to truly find peace and happiness in your lives. You have helped so many people with your kind words and giving spirits. Know that there are those of us out there who would like to give back to you and help you in any way we can.

I want to leave you with Psalms 9:9, "The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble." Take care, girls. You're in my prayers.

[beatea]

Girls,

I hope you understand that none of this is, in any way, your fault. You are beautiful, kind, intelligent, and unique women who deserve nothing but the best. I cannot imagine how it must feel to have to relive this while so many people are watching, but I hope you know that it is okay to cry, to be angry, and to feel confused right now. Hold one another close and support each other and know that you have so many people, many of whom have never met you, supporting you, thinking of you, praying for you, and sending you their love. I hope you are able to find someone to talk to that has your best interests in mind.

Please remember that you are strong, that all women are strong, and are capable of accomplishing amazing things. Do not be afraid to follow your hearts and dream of big things like college, travel, or a job that you would love. Find your voice and inner strength during this difficult time.

[eri]

It is a nice gesture and worth trying, but it seems likely that any mail message regarding the incident coming from complete strangers will go straight to the trash.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Just remember, even after all of these articles talking about what happened, and people analysing every aspect of your personality and how it could be impacted by what happened, this incident does not define you. It is just a small part of your life experiences, and does not take away from anything else you have done. You are more than just a victim of sexual abuse, you are unique, special people who all have your own personality traits and talents that belong to you.

Don't let anyone, not Josh, not your parents, family, friends or the viewers/fans who are sending you messages and commenting online about it, tell you how to feel. Your emotions belong to you, and only you. You have every right to feel the way you do, and every right to express it. Don't let anyone silence you. Don't let anyone tell you what the right way to react is, or tell you that your way of dealing with it is wrong. You are all individuals, more than just victims, and you will all have your own way of coping with things. None of those are right or wrong.

[choralcrusader8613]

To the Duggar girls,

You are wonderful, beautiful, vibrant women. You are capable of so much: artistic talents, love, compassion, humor, and many other traits that can change the world for the better. You are precious children of God, and I want you to know that, however you feel about this, that you have the right to feel your own feelings, write your own story.

I want to echo a message that you have heard many times before, but it bears repeating: none of this is your fault. You are incredibly strong for bearing through these events for as long as you have. I pray that all of you will find true peace, peace which passes all understanding.

I know that you have mentioned in the past that reading the Bible has been a comfort and a help to you. Here is a passage that has helped me when I have struggled with dark times in my life.

Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence.

When I said, My foot slippeth; thy mercy, O Lord, held me up.

In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.

(Psalm 94:17-19, KJV)

I pray that you are able to receive counseling and other help that you wish for, but most of all, I wish that you have the happiest life of your choosing. “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.†― Catherine of Siena

[VelociRapture]

I have a surefire way to get any letters of encouragement anyone might want to send to Josh's victims. I don't want to rat myself out, I will gladly get with admin about it if I need to.

If anyone has anything they would like to say, please post it here or send me a PM. I will deliver the letters next Friday, and from there I don't imagine it will take more than a few days to get to the girls.

After thinking about it, would it be ok if you removed my previous note? I wish the girls the absolute best, but comments on another thread have made me realize just how intrusive this might seem to them. The last thing I want to do is say anything that may cause them additional pain and suffering.

[Rainytown]

Ladies,

I have thought long and hard about what I could possibly say. Mostly, I'd like to say "I'm sorry". This never should have happened to you. I am sick inside that it did. I hope that you will always know that nothing you did or said caused this. You are not responsible for what happened. It is not your fault. And anyone who tells you it was is wrong.

You have more support than you will ever know from people you've never met. They want you to be whole, healthy and happy.

Mostly, if I could say anything at all, it's that it's not your fault. And you are entitled to your feelings, no matter what they might be. It's okay to be angry or hurt.

And you need a lot of hugs. Here's mine.

-J

[latraviata]

Are you all insane or what???

Is this to feel better about yourselves???

Don't stir in the shit, apart from a police report you know nothing about.

This is sentimental claptrap and sensationalism at its worst!!!

[shedemei]

I'm inclined to agree. This is far in the past and these ladies have been dealing with it since then. At this point, they probably just want to be left alone and not have the hordes of the internet up in their private business.

[zygote373]

After thinking about it, would it be ok if you removed my previous note? I wish the girls the absolute best, but comments on another thread have made me realize just how intrusive this might seem to them. The last thing I want to do is say anything that may cause them additional pain and suffering.

Mine too. I appreciate the perspectives raised in the other thread, as I hadn't thought about it that way before. I will just continue to hope from afar that the people in their lives are offering the support they need (if they need it).

[Luvchild]

Please remove mine too. . . I think I'm grieving for them. . . I watched them every week (really looking for one of them to escape) and never imagined this . .. Stages of grief - denial- anger - sadness - I feel sad today - and the girls don't probably want to hear this crap -

They probably want it to end

[Clementine]

Are you all insane or what???

Is this to feel better about yourselves???

Don't stir in the shit, apart from a police report you know nothing about.

This is sentimental claptrap and sensationalism at its worst!!!

+1. We don't know anything about how they feel or if they already have processed what has happened to them and just want to leave it behind them. I would be mortified if very private things that happened to me 15 years ago would be plastered all over the Internet and on top of that I would get a ton of letters from complete strangers reminding me of what happened and telling me what I feel or should do.

Leave them alone.

[latraviata]

+1. We don't know anything about how they feel or if they already have processed what has happened to them and just want to leave it behind them. I would be mortified if very private things that happened to me 15 years ago would be plastered all over the Internet and on top of that I would get a ton of letters from complete strangers reminding me of what happened and telling me what I feel or should do.

Leave them alone.

Thank you!! Apparently I am not the only one!

[Librul]

Are you all insane or what???

Is this to feel better about yourselves???

Don't stir in the shit, apart from a police report you know nothing about.

This is sentimental claptrap and sensationalism at its worst!!!

I agree. Sympathy from total stranger can be both intrusive and creepy, especially if someone is pulling strings or using back door methods to deliver the messages. They are not going to be swayed or comforted by messages from people who inhabit a snark board for fundamentalism and patriarchy. Just because you are triggered doesn't mean they are. You have no idea how they have or have not healed or journeyed over the years. This letter writing is about you, not them.

I hate the Dugger beliefs and lifestyle, think Josh should have faced more than ATI designed "sanctions" and hope the girls get counseling, but this is not going to help them and may turn them more inward.

[lillybeth]

mine too please.

[SportsgalAnnie]

I'm fine with what I said, it's something I would tell ANYONE going through a hard time

just not the ***** part***** thats why I separated it out!

[drivingmishcrazy]

I'm fine with what I said, it's something I would tell ANYONE going through a hard time

just not the ***** part***** thats why I separated it out!

Same. I stand by what I said and will own up to it.

[blessalessi]

It is a nice gesture and worth trying, but it seems likely that any mail message regarding the incident coming from complete strangers will go straight to the trash.

I don't think it is at all appropriate to send letters from complete strangers to these young women who did not choose for their personal experience to be made public.

Having read the OPs backstory, it seems particularly aggravating for the OP to intrude in such a way after the family have already taken police action against her in the past. Whatever the rights or wrongs of that episode, the OP, having last been seen trying to take covert footage with a spycam, is probably not going to be viewed positively by anyone closely connected with the family, given that they are in the mkddle of a massive media storm. :shifty-kitty:

[FJismyheadship]

I am not contacting them. I have someone else who is doing the delivering.

I just thought it would be a nice idea. I didn't mean any harm.

[HermioneSparrow]

I am not contacting them. I have someone else who is doing the delivering.

I just thought it would be a nice idea. I didn't mean any harm.

It's okay.