Letters Of Encouragement To The Victims

[OkToBeTakei]

I am not contacting them. I have someone else who is doing the delivering.

I just thought it would be a nice idea. I didn't mean any harm.

Oh déjà vu. Same did not mean any harm as last time? Learn your fucking lesson you fool.

Yeah letters originating from the same site which coined the phrase 'clown car' for their Mother's womb among many other snarks, is really going to be touching for them.....not. So they get a letter and it's nice so they check out FJ and find hundreds of threads picking apart the way they stand their choice of husband and way worse.

So yeah. Get a grip. Put pen to paper privately, snail mail if you have a desire.

[blessalessi]

I am not contacting them. I have someone else who is doing the delivering.

I just thought it would be a nice idea. I didn't mean any harm.

I have just read the link you posted of your spycam episode. You said then you didnt think you were doing wrong and you seemed surprised that the duggars knew who you were from what you posted here on a public forum.

And now you have started a whole thread about your plans to sneak letters to them. Are you really that naive?

And do you really think the women on the receiving end will feel good about this?

[latraviata]

Dear ladies,

First off, let me begin by saying how deeply and truly sorry I am that this has happened to you. I do not know what you are going through firsthand, though I have been close to people who have experienced such violation and it is heartbreaking just to hear about, I am literally incapable of imagining what you have gone through and continue to go through. I am sorry that you were harmed by someone you should have been able to trust, and I'm sorry that you were not protected by the people whose duty it was to protect you. You deserved so much better than any of this.

Secondly, I want you to know that you are NOT at fault, you are NOT impure, and you are NOT damaged goods. You ARE beautiful, you ARE important, and you ARE worthy of and deserving of love and kindness. I do not know how you all personally feel about religion and the Bible right now, but there's a Psalm about being "fearfully and wonderfully made" and I would argue that not only are you fearfully and wonderfully made, but you are ALSO beautifully and wonderfully made. You are all beautiful, wonderful, and strong.

It is okay to cry, it is okay to be angry, it's okay to not be "over it". You don't have to forgive if you don't want to, though if you do, I hope you know that it doesn't have to be for any other reason than for your own peace of mind. And you certainly don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. No one can tell you how to proceed, there's no timetable for this. Do what you need to do to try to heal, and please don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.

I can't imagine how you might feel right now with all of this being in the news and the public eye. This is an intensely personal tragedy put on public display for the whole world to see. I won't even guess the thoughts running through your minds and the emotions you must be feeling. I hope that your life is not made more difficult by this, and I hope you know that for all of the spectators, critics, and victim blamers, there are people who care for you and want to see you safe, happy, and getting any help you may need.

There's a song that I love that is basically a prayer to God, and though my beliefs may be different from yours, I hope you don't mind if this becomes my prayer for you:

"Lead her to a place,

Guide her with Your grace,

To a place where she'll be safe."

I pray that you ladies are safe and healthy, and I hope that my words do not harm, for that is not their intention. There are so many out there with love in their heart for you, and who want nothing but good things for you, and I am one of those people.

Stay strong, reach out if you need to, I see you and I am here for you.

Christ ahorse! Are you really going to send this snot an drool??

I imagine you are so moved by your own goodness, you must be in tears. You must have watched a lot of Dr Phil, the king of platitudes.

Stop it already! Don't revictimise them. You have no idea how the dealt with it. Good chance they are not traumatised at all anymore, or never were!

[FloraKitty35]

I feel sorry for them, but I have no desire to invade their privacy.

[FJismyheadship]

Ok.

I won't do anything.

This thread will just be here for anyone else who wants to comment.

If they stumble across this someday then they do.

If they don't, they don't.

I really didn't mean any harm and I don't care who believes that.

[novelistofdreams]

I just saw it as a kind gesture, and they could read the letters or immediately trash them, but at least if they did want to they would see they had support. Honestly the big tragedy now is that everyone knows about this, and they probably are more inclined to want support for that than support for the events that started all this. I could be weird though, I'd have actually loved an influx of weird letters to read when my family was going through shit (not this bad, as no one was harmed, but it was a close thing).

[FloraKitty35]

Ok.

I won't do anything.

This thread will just be here for anyone else who wants to comment.

If they stumble across this someday then they do.

If they don't, they don't.

I really didn't mean any harm and I don't care who believes that.

I believe that your intentions are good. I just think that one of the victims needs to take the first step of questioning their teachings and realizing that they are victims who did nothing to deserve the victimization, and none of us can make it for them. Just like others who are in cults. :hug:

[Buzzard]

The only thing worse than knowing the internet knows your dark secret is being contacted by strangers from the internet about said secret.

I'm sure the sentiment was a good one, but I dont think it will help anyone besides the writer to send such a communication. Lets respect boundaries and stay in our sandbox, please.

[MeRmaiDQueeN]

Most of the world may not agree with your lifestyle and beliefs.

But just know that it's ok and it's not your fault. You guys deserve everything wonderful in life and I'm sorry that this happened to you. It happened to me for 3 years, I understand the pain and shame you face, not being able to look at yourself in the mirror sometimes and even the sleepless nights and paranoid feeling never goes away. Get the proper help you need and I'm praying for you guys. <3

[FaceTheShadow]

Please tell the girls that it is not their fault and it is alright for them to seek for help and that there are people who are more than willing to assist them. Please also tell them that this is not yet the end of the world for them and if they feel that they must leave the Duggar household in order to be healed, they should do. Tell them that it is okay for them to change their identities if they feel that this is what will make them feel safer. Tell them that they still deserve a good future despite what has happened to them and if their family won't support their hopes for a better future, there are thousands of people who are on their back. Thousands of people who will treat them better than their family ever will.

[blessalessi]

Tell them that it is okay for them to change their identities if they feel that this is what will make them feel safer..

Seriously, you want to sneak an unsolicited letter to these women, to reach them via a Duggar snark site member who they last saw being taken away from their public event by the police, because she was using a spycam to record their conversatons...... and your letter is to assure them that it is OK to change their identities if necessary in order to feel safe!!

Were you intending your letter to sound like to a parody.........???!!! :geek:

Really, I am sure many replies here come from good intentions, but please think it through, people!!!!!

[latraviata]

Unstoppable.

The drama in these encouragement missives is really abominable.

It is all about you, not about the Duggar girls.

FYI, the girls were not raped! They were inappropriately fondled by their 13/14 year old brother, twelve years ago.

Get a grip!

[latraviata]

Seriously, you want to sneak an unsolicited letter to these women, to reach them via a Duggar snark site member who they last saw being taken away from their public event by the police, because she was using a spycam to record their conversatons...... and your letter is to assure them that it is OK to change their identities if necessary in order to feel safe!!

Were you intending your letter to sound like to a parody.........???!!! :geek:

Really, I am sure many replies here come from good intentions, but please think it through, people!!!!!

I even dare to question their good intention. I don't believe it for a minute!

[Librul]

I do get the sense that many of the new posters are very young. If I had a dollar for every time I've read the words, "prolly", "cuz", "sez" in the last few days, I'd be out dining at a fine restaurant. The over the top suggestions such as "change your identities" and "run away, I will take you in", and "I would adopt the little ones", also suggest a lack of maturity.

A lot of you are "triggered". I get that. It doesn't mean you get to impose yourselves on someone else. All of the speculation, suggestions for escape or the establishment of gofundme accounts and tear stained emotive missals are about YOU. If it makes you feel better to post them, fine. Just don't delude yourselves into thinking you are helping any of the Duggar women. What happened to them is tragic. Their parents are narcissistic idiots. Their brother is deeply troubled and in need of help. Don't make it worse by imposing your own drama on the situation.

[latraviata]

I do get the sense that many of the new posters are very young. If I had a dollar for every time I've read the words, "prolly", "cuz", "sez" in the last few days, I'd be out dining at a fine restaurant. The over the top suggestions such as "change your identities" and "run away, I will take you in", and "I would adopt the little ones", also suggest a lack of maturity.

A lot of you are "triggered". I get that. It doesn't mean you get to impose yourselves on someone else. All of the speculation, suggestions for escape or the establishment of gofundme accounts and tear stained emotive missals are about YOU. If it makes you feel better to post them, fine. Just don't delude yourselves into thinking you are helping any of the Duggar women. What happened to them is tragic. Their parents are narcissistic idiots. Their brother is deeply troubled and in need of help. Don't make it worse by imposing your own drama on the situation.

Thank you, you are more nuanced than I am at this very moment.

Following all the threads for the last days, I have had it, with the drama, fabulations, speculations and exaggerations.

[MalteseBaby]

My small missive was a famous poem, " Desiderata", about living a centered life written many years ago. 'It was not about me.

However, in light of the OP's history of allegations by the police of stalking behavior against the Duggar children, I do not want my post to go anywhere. :x

Now, back to my vacation, where the word " Duggar" is not uttered, and peace reigns. :D

[latraviata]

My small missive was a famous poem, " Desiderata", about living a centered life written many years ago. 'It was not about me.

However, in light of the OP's history of allegations by the police of stalking behavior against the Duggar children, I do not want my post to go anywhere. :x

Now, back to my vacation, where the word " Duggar" is not uttered, and peace reigns. :D

I wasn't referring to you or your poem. I referred to the tenacious unstoppables who insist to send their drivel to the Duggar women no matter what.

[FJismyheadship]

Going to a public event and asking innocent questions is not stalking. Yeah the camera was a bad idea, I know that now and would not do it again.

I already said I wasn't going to do anything with what was said here. I have no intentions of contacting anyone.

[MissBitters]

I'm not trying to attack you FJismyheadship, but how is asking questions in order to report them back to a snark board innocent? Also, just because you can go to a public event to gawk at a fundie family doesn't mean you should. Personally, I think these type of interactions do not reflect well on the Free Jinger group as a whole. Boundaries are a very good thing.

[ljohnson2006]

Tell the girls that this is not their faults. Their parents failed to protect them from their brother, and are also to blame for being too over the top with their sex life. Tell them that real therapy is okay. Sweeping this under the rug will help no one.

[FJismyheadship]

I'm not trying to attack you FJismyheadship, but how is asking questions in order to report them back to a snark board innocent? Also, just because you can go to a public event to gawk at a fundie family doesn't mean you should. Personally, I think these type of interactions do not reflect well on the Free Jinger group as a whole. Boundaries are a very good thing.

You are right.

I was excited. I was naive. Others had gone to see other fundies including the Duggars before and I didn't think it was a big deal.

I have a tendency to act before I think. I am working on this in therapy. That's what going to see the Duggars was, that's what this thread was. I didn't think about the possible ramifications of my actions before I jumped in.

[sense and nonsense]

You are right.

I was excited. I was naive. Others had gone to see other fundies including the Duggars before and I didn't think it was a big deal.

I have a tendency to act before I think. I am working on this in therapy. That's what going to see the Duggars was, that's what this thread was. I didn't think about the possible ramifications of my actions before I jumped in.

I'm glad you see what the consequences would be now. None of us are perfect. I myself have behaved despicably on some threads, and when this incident came out, I said some unnecessary things. I hope you don't feel targeted.

[MissBitters]

You are right.

I was excited. I was naive. Others had gone to see other fundies including the Duggars before and I didn't think it was a big deal.

I have a tendency to act before I think. I am working on this in therapy. That's what going to see the Duggars was, that's what this thread was. I didn't think about the possible ramifications of my actions before I jumped in.

I totally understand. Almost everyone has a leaping before looking moment (or several) throughout our lives. It's good you recognize it and am working on it. Best wishes!