Anyone else depressed?

[TheRaven72]

So I started a thread because of something I remembered - and I was told -and obviously someone has been watching the few posts I've had the past few days, that since I had mentioned I was depressed maybe I should take a break - which from being a member since 2011 was kind of shocking coming from the people who were jumping on me who seem to have posted much more than I ever have.

Anyway I just want to say fuck you to those people, my opinion counts as much as yours, and where are the liberal minds in this place? Really people like me come here to vent and some of you are being condescending when you say "oh if you are so depressed, why don't you do something about it."

Oh and if anyone is wondering, that thread was deleted and I in no way was trying to be provocative.

This, of all places, should indeed be a place where you have a voice. Telling anyone in here, (even with good intentions) to "move on" or "find something productive to do" is dismissive and quite honestly, unnecessary when the title to this thread is about how this shitty event has triggered many of us. Luvchild, yes. Your opinion absolutely counts.

[blessalessi]

This, of all places, should indeed be a place where you have a voice. Telling anyone in here, (even with good intentions) to "move on" or "find something productive to do" is dismissive and quite honestly, unnecessary when the title to this thread is about how this shitty event has triggered many of us. Luvchild, yes. Your opinion absolutely counts.

I am the person who commented that you have been reporting feeling depressed luvchild, but I didnt tell you to take a break or move on. The context was that you posted a new thread called THE ROD in which you said couldnt stop thinking now that on the occasion that Josiah disappeared during a Duggar pregnancy announcement , that he had been taken away and beaten with a rod. I said that I thought you might be letting your imagination run away from you because all we saw on that day was Josiah rubbing his arm, and that it didnt make sense that he would have been beaten in the presence of a camera crew and in such a short space of time. I said it might not be helpful to you to let your imagination run with this in a context where you had said you were feeling depressed and grieving for the Duggars. You then said Josiah had been red eyed and tearful that day and then another FJer posted photos showing Josiah not red eyed nor tearful at that time.

I stand by what I said, as someone who has experienced clinical depression in the past. It isnt helpful to imagine scenarios that upset you and ruminate on them, especially when there is evidence that your imagined scenarios are not true.

A lot of bad stuff has come out this week and I am especially sorry for those who have been triggered by actual events from their own past.

[treemom]

Clinical depression <> as being depressed at knowledge that a person molested some of their family members. If you don't need to be involved (as in you aren't a witness, member of the family etc) it is perfectly reasonable to say stop reading and a take a break.

And when did this idea that FJ is a safe place for everyone's feefees occur? It's a snark board. For snarking. Most people are pretty kind here and helpful, but that isn't the goal of the board and it isn't a safe place. And more Importantly if this news is impacting your life or your mental health then it is quite kind to tell someone to take a break.

Eta: corrected the word two to some, which is what I meant.

[Librul]

Clinical depression <> as being depressed at knowledge that a person molested two of their family members. If you don't need to be involved (as in you aren't a witness, member of the family etc) it is perfectly reasonable to say stop reading and a take a break.

And when did this idea that FJ is a safe place for everyone's feefees occur? It's a snark board. For snarking. Most people are pretty kind here and helpful, but that isn't the goal of the board and it isn't a safe place. And more Importantly if this news is impacting your life or your mental health then it is quite kind to tell someone to take a break,

I totally agree. This is not a board set up for people to process whatever sexual memories trigger them. Moreover, just because someone creates a thread, doesn't mean others with different viewpoints or perspectives can't chime in. This is a snark board for the fundamentalist religiopolitical movement. When total strangers to all of the players involved state that they have trouble sleeping, cry for hours, can't enjoy family events, are significantly triggered by the recent Duggarland revelations, then expect other people to say its time to step away for awhile. Doesn't mean you have to. And before someone says, "I never said that" I am not referring to anyone specifically, just quoting items I have read over the past few days. This is not a self-help board, a sexual abuse survivors board, or a confidential safe community. Those exist, but FJ is not one of them.

[drivingmishcrazy]

A thought I had, and admittedly I posted about having some not so fuzzy feelings, a lot of which are leftover from other stuff, a lot of emotions exacerbated by the other crap going on IRL, but anyway my thought is this and take it as you will:

I think part of the problem with this thread in particular is that people are feeding off of everyone's emotions which is making the negative energy even worse. Not trying to tell people how to feel BUT it's not helping anyone to keep the negative energy going. Hence the suggestion upthread of taking this opportunity to donate, volunteer, etc. If posters feel moved to.

Not trying to step on any toes here. I'm guilty as well but trying to get it out of my system and go back to my regular programming of being a jerk.

[jacduggar]

I totally agree. This is not a board set up for people to process whatever sexual memories trigger them. Moreover, just because someone creates a thread, doesn't mean others with different viewpoints or perspectives can't chime in. This is a snark board for the fundamentalist religiopolitical movement. When total strangers to all of the players involved state that they have trouble sleeping, cry for hours, can't enjoy family events, are significantly triggered by the recent Duggarland revelations, then expect other people to say its time to step away for awhile. Doesn't mean you have to. And before someone says, "I never said that" I am not referring to anyone specifically, just quoting items I have read over the past few days. This is not a self-help board, a sexual abuse survivors board, or a confidential safe community. Those exist, but FJ is not one of them.

I agree with all of this. You are on the Internet. I was on your other post, that entire incident was already speculated to no end and to say anyone got hit with a rod in that scene is a huge over reach. You don't have to take a break, no one is forcing you, but you can't expect a group of Internet strangers who come here for the sole purpose of snark to coddle all of your threads. And I assure you that coming to your active thread to scream "fuck off" to the people on your deleted thread isn't a way to make friends.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Wow.

When was this? I don't remember that skit

[Luvchild]

I am the person who commented that you have been reporting feeling depressed luvchild, but I didnt tell you to take a break or move on. The context was that you posted a new thread called THE ROD in which you said couldnt stop thinking now that on the occasion that Josiah disappeared during a Duggar pregnancy announcement , that he had been taken away and beaten with a rod. I said that I thought you might be letting your imagination run away from you because all we saw on that day was Josiah rubbing his arm, and that it didnt make sense that he would have been beaten in the presence of a camera crew and in such a short space of time. I said it might not be helpful to you to let your imagination run with this in a context where you had said you were feeling depressed and grieving for the Duggars. You then said Josiah had been red eyed and tearful that day and then another FJer posted photos showing Josiah not red eyed nor tearful at that time.

I stand by what I said, as someone who has experienced clinical depression in the past. It isnt helpful to imagine scenarios that upset you and ruminate on them, especially when there is evidence that your imagined scenarios are not true.

A lot of bad stuff has come out this week and I am especially sorry for those who have been triggered by actual events from their own past.

It was fine to disagree with me but I felt a bit personally attacked when you said basically "you said you were depressed- maybe you should take a break." It felt like you had been personally watching what I had been posting. I was a bit overzealous in my "omg poor Josiah - that's probably what happened to him," only because their use of a rod has now been confirmed. And I did post in this very thread that someone else started that I was depressed. Just because you may not be depressed does not give you a right in my opinion to personally tell someone in a condescending tone, which it was, whether you meant it or not, to take a break, especially when I really try not to post too much.

[treemom]

Or it is completely reasonable

[sense and nonsense]

I don't see the problem, nobody was forcing you to get off the internet, it was merely a suggestion. If you don't like it, don't follow it. No need to unnecessarily be provocative when you're simply butthurt about your thread being deleted.

[blessalessi]

It was fine to disagree with me but I felt a bit personally attacked when you said basically "you said you were depressed- maybe you should take a break." It felt like you had been personally watching what I had been posting. I was a bit overzealous in my "omg poor Josiah - that's probably what happened to him," only because their use of a rod has now been confirmed. And I did post in this very thread that someone else started that I was depressed. Just because you may not be depressed does not give you a right in my opinion to personally tell someone in a condescending tone, which it was, whether you meant it or not, to take a break, especially when I really try not to post too much.

I did not tell you to take a break. I dont know why the thread was deleted but I know what I said and it was broadly what I wrote above. I have no idea how often you post. I remembered your earlier post because when I read it I was startled to think that someone was analysing which stage of grief they were at over a news story about a reality tv show. Thats not something I have ever seen before!

I had seen the Josiah thing before, and as I dont follow the family much, it stuck in my mind. Thats why I commented as I did.

This is a snark site and I commented freely but not inappropriately, I dont think. You, madam, have responded extremely rudely, with you "fuck you all" response, so dont come moralising to me!

[HarleyQuinn]

I dreamt last night that I was on the same talk show as the Duggars (not sure why, maybe for just being awesome :lol: ) and I pulled Jinger aside and told her how none of this was her fault and she deserves better, and she bolted with me after the show.

Maybe I am a bit depressed, because I woke up thinking "where the hell were Joy and Jana? I forgot them."

[FundieFarmer]

It's certainly understandable to feel squicky soon after this news, especially if you've been around FJ for a while and heard the rumors and discounted them in the name of logic...only to then be shocked finding out they're real. I don't think any of us have said it's not. I've also said on another thread that it made sense to talk about it here, since a lot of us are like-minded and had the same experience.

At the same time, that was several days ago and the tone was very different, one of shock. That was before ideas started cropping up about writing letters to the girls and trespassing for more information came about. Personally, I think both are too far. Also personally, I think if you're really getting so upset about this (triggered or not) that you have panic attacks/are actually depressed about it, you need to step away. That's not to be uncaring, I say that to be caring. I understand being triggered, and unless you've had appropriate therapy to be able to face your triggers without being, as they're called, triggered, then part of trigger therapy is being smart about exposure to them until you have that support to quickly adjust back to normal life...quickly being key. It's not smart to keep exposing yourself if you aren't prepared.

Sure, come here to talk about it, after all we are a group of like-minded people on the internet. But the general intent of the board isn't to be counselors or support groups in the traditional sense (see this http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=16210 post, not that things have gone that far, but for the general idea). It's a snark board, and for the most part, users pride themselves on logic, self-regulation, and rationality. Don't be surprised when other posters don't respond enthusiastically to any wildly speculative or emotional posts. You can say whatever you want, but their responses are also totally acceptable, because it's open to everyone (and also everyone on the internets, so I wouldn't refer to this as a "safe place" unless by that you mean the relative anonymity of your username).

That being said, we do generally care about people around here, and I guarantee that everyone who's telling you to take a step back isn't doing it to be harsh or to tell you to go away, but to encourage you to put your own well-being above thinking about the Duggars, and don't let it get to you too much.

[MCSS]

Yes, I'm very very sad for the victims. As much as I, and a lot of others, despise J'Chelle & DimBulb, I am heartbroken for the victims that this news has been made public. I'm so worried that the victims, lost girls and howlers will become even more isolated. I am very worried about Anna and the Mkids. I can only hope that DimBulb has put away enough TLC $ to get them through. I truly do hope that something positive came come out of all of this - that some of the kids will make a break and get a conventional education and become productive citizens and leave the cult. I sincerely believe that everyone is entitled to their own religious beliefs, however this degree of fundamentalism appears to be truly destructive.

[anjulibai]

Well, I guess I shouldn't have started this thread, then....

[SassyPants]

So today it's a snark board, but according to the red box at the top of the page, it's also much more than a snark board.

I get it that everyone seems to be on edge (deny away) but I wish people would stop taking their aggressions out on others on this board. The "gang" mentality is officially old.

If touchy feely bothers you, why enter this thread?

[SassyPants]

Well, I guess I shouldn't have started this thread, then....

BS-

[treemom]

So today it's a snark board, but according to the red box at the top of the page, it's also much more than a snark board.

I get it that everyone seems to be on edge (deny away) but I wish people would stop taking their aggressions out on others on this board. The "gang" mentality is officially old.

If touchy feely bothers you, why enter this thread?

Because someone had a tantrum about something being said in another thread.

I actually think the touchy feels is ok. FJ is usually supportive. But it isn't the goal and a snark site should never be viewed as a safe place. That's not good for those who are suffering.

I think feeling sadness and shock is fine. But if it is impacting your life then my suggestion which is both kind and reasonable is to stop picking the wound. Take a break. And remember that endless speculation about the victims is not good for the victims.

[1st wiccan fundie]

Can we just use our anger on the damn, dumb, duggars!?! This is not the time to turn on one another! If we have conflict within our own army we will surely fail. There's a place for everyone in our alliance. Not everyone belongs in the trenches or on the front lines. That's ok. There's many other assignments they are fit for. No ones position is better than another. We all have a skill or two that we need to utilize at this time. Look at the progress we've made!?! Don't give in to the battle fatigue now! 2 weeks ago or so most people didn't even know about, " the rumors, " and now they've been proven, by Chester the Molester himself no less. We have to stand strong to fight for what's right! If one of us falls, pick them up god damn it....call for backup and get them to safety! When a solider is wounded SHE (do we have male soldiers here, hello nice to have you, if we do....lot's of heavy things you can lift for us if so. We have plenty of work!) may say things that are unpleasant. Ignore them, she just has been injured with Duggar shrapnel and does not know of what she speaks. If the enemy sees us starting to turn on one another what power will this give them?

Btw, I'm only kidding. And I'm not making light of anyone's actual depression and certainly not of something that may have trigger an experience from one's past. Just thought we could use a giggle.

[jacduggar]

So today it's a snark board, but according to the red box at the top of the page, it's also much more than a snark board.

I get it that everyone seems to be on edge (deny away) but I wish people would stop taking their aggressions out on others on this board. The "gang" mentality is officially old.

If touchy feely bothers you, why enter this thread?

It was fine until a poster got upset about a deleted thread and came in her throwing "fuck you"s at everyone.

This board is a really good one compared to almost all other open Internet forums, but it is still a forum and it's important to remember context when feeling your feels. Internet strangers aren't responsible for your emotional health and we certainly don't have to tolerate someone being a dick to us.

[1st wiccan fundie]

It was fine until a poster got upset about a deleted thread and came in her throwing "fuck you"s at everyone.

This board is a really good one compared to almost all other open Internet forums, but it is still a forum and it's important to remember context when feeling your feels. Internet strangers aren't responsible for your emotional health and we certainly don't have to tolerate someone being a dick to us.

Ya, the fuck yous were just a tad too much! Lol! But I think we have to remember we are already dealing with a person who admitted to not being so stable at the moment and they're words also reflect that. I'm paraphrasing. Doesn't mean you have to react differently to them if you don't want to just keep that in mind. The fuck yous are coming my way now aren't they? I'm going to get them directed at me for saying this right?

[Nowyn]

I'm new here. I know that means I don't know how this board operates. I'm also one of those triggered.

I have nothing to say against the fact that this is primarily a snark board. One wich point is to talk all thing fundamentalism. I also get that for many bringing up personal feelings might be annoying. For a mentally healthy person taking a break is no brainer. Suggesting it shouldn't be something people take badly. However, I also get how it might mean to someone that they are being told to shut up. Sometimes taking that break won't do anything. I can take a break until the end of the world and it won't change anxiety and hyper-vigilance I feel because of this. I know that it's a problem and I'm doing my best not to let it affect things. While no one is required to listen to our feelings I do thin that expressing them should also be allowed. Mostly because it's often helpful and also because I think if society limits when and how people talk about mental problems or abuse it creates a society where people are alone with their problems and those problems stay stigmatised. Of course, there is a place for those feelings. I agree that if someone hijacks a thread with their bad feelings they should be reminded of the topic. But what harm does one thread like this do? No one has to read it.

(I admit that at one point I was projecting too much. I'm grateful that someone told me I was doing so)

[treemom]

I think it's ok to express feelings but if they stray from what seems reasonable given the circumstances saying something is ok.

But it is dangerous to suggest this is a safe place. It isn't. Because we are diverse and the only thing that joins all of us is an interest in at least one fundamentalist family. Because of that you can't assume that if is going to be a safe place where your emotions are protected. We are too diverse.

[SassyPants]

Can we just use our anger on the damn, dumb, duggars!?! This is not the time to turn on one another! If we have conflict within our own army we will surely fail. There's a place for everyone in our alliance. Not everyone belongs in the trenches or on the front lines. That's ok. There's many other assignments they are fit for. No ones position is better than another. We all have a skill or two that we need to utilize at this time. Look at the progress we've made!?! Don't give in to the battle fatigue now! 2 weeks ago or so most people didn't even know about, " the rumors, " and now they've been proven, by Chester the Molester himself no less. We have to stand strong to fight for what's right! If one of us falls, pick them up god damn it....call for backup and get them to safety! When a solider is wounded SHE (do we have male soldiers here, hello nice to have you, if we do....lot's of heavy things you can lift for us if so. We have plenty of work!) may say things that are unpleasant. Ignore them, she just has been injured with Duggar shrapnel and does not know of what she speaks. If the enemy sees us starting to turn on one another what power will this give them?

Btw, I'm only kidding. And I'm not making light of anyone's actual depression and certainly not of something that may have trigger an experience from one's past. Just thought we could use a giggle.

EXACTLY!

[Nowyn]

I think it's ok to express feelings but if they stray from what seems reasonable given the circumstances saying something is ok.

But it is dangerous to suggest this is a safe place. It isn't. Because we are diverse and the only thing that joins all of us is an interest in at least one fundamentalist family. Because of that you can't assume that if is going to be a safe place where your emotions are protected. We are too diverse.

I think I might have misunderstood you, sorry. I, for one, am not looking for protection. Just some common decency.

I might also have hidden one point too well into my post. Taking break might not help. I think the only thing that has kept me not having a full-on anxiety attack is the possibility to talk about the whole debacle. I think being kind, taking a breath before posting and trying to keep in mind that most likely the other person is not trying to hurt would be in order all around.