Mom to Teen Girls: Don' t Call My Son Hot

[SamE]

Little girls do that to my son. He's starting middle school in the fall. This is not a biggie. He will flash them a smile and go back to playing ball. Or he ignores them and continues playing ball.

He seems to like being noticed and is flattered. But, life is all about football/basketball/fishing/cars right now.

[eri]

Or, we can say that 2 wrongs don't make a right, and teach our kids that it's not okay for either gender, period.

That's my personal stance.

[eri]

"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house."

--Audre Lorde

It was a hypothetical. I have stated before on the forum that I prefer to remain impartial regarding the attractiveness of others. Personally, I don't make comments one way or another.

Society is a little different. I was throwing around an idea.

[FloraKitty35]

She is batshit crazy.

[HarryPotterFan]

Was totally skimming and misread what was getting hard here for a minute [emoji57]

Poor guy having a crazy mother. I'm sure he can't wait to fly the coop

Hehehe I'm sure girls in bikinis make it hard for him.

[O Latin]

This thread reminds me of a Facebook post I saw yesterday. The post was made by a woman I don't know (it showed up on my feed because one of my friends commented on it) about arguing with her daughter about buying a bikini (daughter wanted one, mom "wasn't ready for [her] girls to wear one"). Based on the replies, I think the girl in question was probably somewhere between 10 and 14. There were 50+ comments about how the woman was absolutely right to refuse the bikini and they/their daughters weren't allowed to wear any kind of two piece swimsuit until age 16/college/whatever. And of course one commenter saying, "Ask her if she would walk around in her bra and underwear because that's basically what a bikini is." The mom has a right to say "I don't think you're old enough for a bikini yet," but the whole thing seemed quite overblown.

I have to say, though, that even as an adult I would be extremely uncomfortable with being called "hot." I would probably feel uncomfortable and want to immediately get as far away from the person who had made the comment as possible. I would definitely struggle to come up with a response that wasn't downright rude. If it had happened to me as a teenager, I probably would have completely freaked out.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

I guess I've never really thought about kids telling each other they think they're cute or hot or whatever (it was "fine" back in my day) was anything sinister. I think of a bunch of goofy middle-schoolers or high-schoolers trying to stomp their way through awkward opposite sex (or same sex) attraction by the skin of their teeth. I find aggressive catcalling horribly uncomfortable, but back in 9th grade when a boy blurted out "my friend thinks you're cute" in the cafeteria? Naw. It just seems to be an integral part of growing up, to me. But it could be my demographic (middle class, suburb, etc etc), I guess.

Do people really think it's something to take offense over? Serious question, I'm not trying to put anyone down. I'm also not particularly shy and had lots of male and female friends growing up, though I do hate being put on the spot (but sometimes you have to be, and some of that awkwardness helped me grow).

[Full enough quiver]

I think hot is the new cute. My daughter gets called hot 5x a day. If it's mutual, she flashes a smile, if not, she ignores it and walks away, nbd. If they continue, she gets an adult to intervene. It sucks that he felt uncomfortable, he should just ignore them, and get an adult if they continue to harass him (which isn't ok, whatever gender you are) Their bikinis are irrelevant. If her son can't handle seeing girls in bikinis, he shouldn't be at the pool.

[ShepherdontheRock]

I think hot is the new cute. My daughter gets called hot 5x a day. If it's mutual, she flashes a smile, if not, she ignores it and walks away, nbd. If they continue, she gets an adult to intervene. It sucks that he felt uncomfortable, he should just ignore them, and get an adult if they continue to harass him (which isn't ok, whatever gender you are) Their bikinis are irrelevant. If her son can't handle seeing girls in bikinis, he shouldn't be at the pool.

Hot was basically the new cute when I was that age (during mid 2000s.) and we basically did the same thing reacting to the word.

If it's a sexual harassment type of situation, I understand. But I think a lot of it is maybe being weirded out by female attention...

And as for the bikinis- most of the bikinis made for children don't look very sexual, but beyond that, I have a real problem with people sexualizing Tweens no matter what they're wearing. And I do concur; if girls in bikinis make you feel uncomfortable, don't go to the pool/beach/wherever!

[roddma]

As far as bikinis being like underwear, underwear is made of a different material- just like some nightgowns/pajama resemble dresses or pants, but the material is different. Even in modern secular society, women still get blamed for causing men's lust. While personally I agree with trying to dress modest a woman should be able to wear what she wants and be respected. I read occasional complaints about how hard it is to find modest dress for young girls. However, modesty goes beyond clothing choices. This is the fail of the hard core purity culture. Sexualization of young girls doesnt just come from 'ebil' secular fashion designers.