Fundy, fundy-lite, evangelical, mainstream Christian

[AnnoDomini]

What were you told regarding courting/marriage and the Big Great Taboo of S-E-X?

Did you notice any major differences between how the boys and girls of the family were being raised, practically speaking (beyond the speech on what women should be towards men for ex.)? Were there any shifts of relational patterns between a sister and a brother at a certain age?

Let's see... My parents actually have barely spoken a word about romantical relationships/sex in years (except the Growing Up talk my father gives to my brothers, which scars them for years afterward. I gather it consists mostly of 'you will have wet dreams and you must be married to experience anything sexual and you must never ever allow yourself to lust after a woman' and recounts what happened to David when he lusted after Bathsheba), but when they spoke about it back then, courtship was The Thing. No dating, no allowing love to develop even if you aren't thinking about it. In fact, I think they once taught that you allow yourself to fall in love only after you're engaged, though they might have relaxed on that a bit. I mean, that was so long ago it was the same time as that conversation I had with them in which I got the impression that they told m that girls were never to go away to college, but are to remain at home under their father's authority until marriage. They must have relaxed this a bit though, or it didn't mean what I thouguht it meant, because my sister went to art college and lived over an hour away for a year, then lived a couple of years several states away caring for my grandmother (a terrible period for me, as she was my best friend and I had no outside friends). But I talked to her about it recently and she said that she still was never really 'outside the home jurisdiction'--she was never more than a day's drive away.

Marriage was to be entered into for life, no divorce for any reason, the man must be the breadwinner and the woman must not work outside the home, that the couple must be ready for life not only together, but ready for any children that God chose to bless them with, for any birth control was wrong.

[AnnoDomini]

Here are some significant indicators to me:

detailed and fairly rigid rules for appearance and conduct.

separatism ("sheltering") from broader society - homeschooling is just one manifestation of this.

excessive parental control (adult child still expected to abide by dress code etc). (--this is more indicative of Patriarchy than fundamentalism per se, but it fits)

believing other fairly conservative but mainstream Christian groups are "apostate"

religious beliefs that fit with the dictionary definition of fundamentalism (e.g. biblical inerrancy and literalism, creationism, etc.).

The tricky thing is, these rules aren't explicitly stated as such. We don't have a set of official rules anywhere. It's more... this is the way things are. We know what's frowned on, or if we don't, we get enlightened and the behaviour stops without 'rules' or official 'not alloweds' put into place. Officially stated rules aren't necessary, probably because we all know them and wouldn't break them (though it didn't go over well when my mother in one of her off-her-meds depression fits tried to make a rule that outlawed 'making her feel like a bad parent'--as if any of us could foresee something like that).

[Joykins]

The fact that you were able to write them out is enough to show that they were there; your parents just got you to internalize them when you were young.

[Austin]

I don't know, but IIRC, you're 24 or 25 years old and still living under the control of your parents. . . or is that someone else? If it is you, then yeah, there ain't nothin' "lite" about that.

[AnnoDomini]

It's less that they won't let me leave as it is I don't know how. Ok, I guess they didn't teach me to be independent. They meant to, I'm sure, but during my teen years when they normally are supposed to teach these things, they weren't around/functional much, and now they think I should know it myself, as if hitting a certain age magically gives people info and understanding. They didn't push for us to get jobs as teenagers or do things to put on our resumes. Sometimes I think they didn't give any practical thoughts to our futures at all. The only jobs any of us know how to even try for are the minimum wage ones, and even they are picky. We all know no one can live on that wage, and at least I have always thought that I didn't have the time it would take to have a chance at one that pays a living wage, seeing as I didn't have the years for college, not to mention the money, the talent, etc. Because I had it ingrained that the world would end. Even now, I'm just waiting for my parents to make another announcement with a new date.

Plus, my family are pretty much all I know, all any of us know (except my older sister, who went to college). Moving out, even if we could, it's like giving up everything we've known, everyone who's ever loved us, with no reason to believe we'll ever find anyone else to really love us. The fear of never getting back the thing we love most, not being able to go home again. It's very powerful.

[Austin]

It's less that they won't let me leave as it is I don't know how. Ok, I guess they didn't teach me to be independent. They meant to, I'm sure, but during my teen years when they normally are supposed to teach these things, they weren't around/functional much, and now they think I should know it myself, as if hitting a certain age magically gives people info and understanding. They didn't push for us to get jobs as teenagers or do things to put on our resumes. Sometimes I think they didn't give any practical thoughts to our futures at all. The only jobs any of us know how to even try for are the minimum wage ones, and even they are picky. We all know no one can live on that wage, and at least I have always thought that I didn't have the time it would take to have a chance at one that pays a living wage, seeing as I didn't have the years for college, not to mention the money, the talent, etc. Because I had it ingrained that the world would end. Even now, I'm just waiting for my parents to make another announcement with a new date.

Plus, my family are pretty much all I know, all any of us know (except my older sister, who went to college). Moving out, even if we could, it's like giving up everything we've known, everyone who's ever loved us, with no reason to believe we'll ever find anyone else to really love us. The fear of never getting back the thing we love most, not being able to go home again. It's very powerful.

Listen, AnnoDomini, you can live your life any way you want, but is that what you really want? To live at home because you're afraid you'll never find anyone you love, or your parents won't let you come back home again? The first is just sad, and the second one is seriously dysfunctional (unless you are talking about coming home to stay, b/c although I don't roll that way with my sons, I know parents who do and sometimes it's for the best).

So you're in your mid-twenties now, you have no job, no education, and you are clearly not feeling good about things if your posts indicate anything. You MUST take responsiblity for your own life and for your decisions. It doesn't matter what your parents think and frankly, there's only so much responsibility they bear in this now. You've been exposed to many different viewpoints and you know that there's more out there for you than what you have. So that, as much as anything, makes you responsible for your own life. Lots of parents do crappy things to their kids, even with the best of intentions, but there is a statute of limitations on long they get to blame their parents for their various situations. Waiting around for your parents to announce a new date for the apocolypse is your choice at this point. And figuring out how to live independently is not rocket science. That's why God invented the internet and YouTube.

Fill out your FAFSA. At your age, you can file it as an independent student, which means you will not have to have your parents tax returns and their income won't count against you.

Being considered an independent student is not merely a matter of being responsible for your own educational expenses. You must meet at least one of the following seven criteria to be declared an independent student for the purposes of the FAFSA:

http://www.fastweb.com/financial-aid/ar ... nt-student

Be 24 years of age or older by December 31 of the award year;

Be an orphan (both parents deceased), ward of the court, or was a ward of the court until the age of 18;

Be a veteran of the Armed Forces of the United States;

Be a graduate or professional student;

Be a married individual;

Have legal dependents other than a spouse;

Be a student for whom a financial aid administrator makes a documented determination of independence by reason of other unusual circumstances.

If you haven't worked or worked not very much at minimum wage jobs, you'll likely get an award package that will cover much/all of your tuition, depending upon where you decide to go to school. While you are a student, you can also take out student loans to cover the difference and the expenses of housing and transportation and other incidentals. If you are depressed or anxious, there are student health facillities to help you and counselors you can go to. You are not stuck in your home situation unless you choose to be. I realize it's hard, but anything in life worth having is hard.

I'm not trying to be harsh, really. I would tell this exact same thing to someone in my family who I love very much if they were in a similar situation. Life rushes by pretty fast. Just yesterday I was 24 and I'm not even kidding. Put one foot in front of the other and move on. If you don't, you've got no one but yourself to blame if you're unhappy with the results.

[AnnoDomini]

Ok, I have it on my list of things to do to apply to FAFSA (I'll have to get my father to help me with the tax stuff--I have no idea how much money I made last year--I can't read tax forms) and look into some kind of federal welfare type thing. (Ye, I was always taught that using welfare was wrong too.)

[AnnoDomini]

Ooh, I thought of another gem: some years ago, my father explained how infertile parents using egg/sperm donors were wrong and sinning: because technically the reproductive parts of one spouse would touch those of a person not the other spouse.

[AnnoDomini]

My family has respected and faithfully listened to Harold Camping for most of my life. I've lived the last 7 or so years in suppressed (for the most part) fear that this year would be The End of Everything like Camping says, and isolated with very few friends, no one coming over to the house, my father preaching how the church was 'dead' for reasons like they condone any birth control at all, they let women 'lead' in church starting with the sneaky allowing of women to play piano, leading to the woman pianist playing the closing instrumental hymn, therefore allowing the woman to even temporarily and in the most superficial sense, 'lead' the congregation... but I've wandered a bit off point, I think (I blame the Apple Jack whiskey, something I would never have consumed earlier in my family-led 'walk with the Lord'. I feel fine with a little liquor as a Christian now). People here seem to agree that I was raised fundy, though if anyone has any more questions I'm more than happy to answer.

I'm slowly trying to let go of some of the teachings that I don't think I agree with anymore, at least in such a strict sense. Like the no doing anything but courtship thing. Which leads me to my point.

There's this guy. I want him. I've wanted him ever since I met him a year ago, but only recently allowed myself to indulge in my crush on him. Before, I told myself I was just distracted by his physical attractiveness, and he was no more and no less 'good' personality-wise, than how I felt about other guys that I also observed from a distance and occasionally spoke to. He probably is the same, but I've told myself the truth now--I have a great big crush on him. Anyway, I want him, and I want to go out with him. Nothing fancy, nothing high pressure, just a quick coffee or something after work. And I've noncommittally asked him out. (This is huge for me. Not only am I not supposed to date, I was taught that women should never make the first move, ever. I do like the idea of letting him chase, but after living my life like I was dying--it sucks, by the way--I don't feel like wasting time by playing games. Doesn't mean I won't let him take the lead when it's appropriate.) He seems open to it. problem is, I don't know if I'm being too pushy, if he's not getting it or if he does get it that I want a little date, and he doesn't want it. A friend of mine says that he doesn't go into relationships quickly.

I've only seen him a handful of times over the past year before recently, when I've been seeing him about twice a week during rehearsals for a play he and my brother are both in. I want to talk to him in person, but I don't have much time after rehearsals before my brother wants to leave, and usually there are other people this guy has known for years as my unwitting competition for his attention (social attention, not romantic). I can't ask in front of my brother because I don't want him knowing/thinking I want to 'date' someone, as my family would totally disapprove and be really annoying--including my adult sister who shares my bedroom.

I've never dated before, and this is only my second crush on a real-life guy. Almost all my others were on fictional characters in books and whatnot. It's really weird to not 'know' everything about him already.

[antifundie]

Hey, AD, can I make a suggestions about the tax forms? I think you should *try* to figure them out on your own first--I'm not good with that kind of thing either, BUT, I've filled out the FAFSA a bunch of times, and It's really straightforward. You should get W-2s from each company you've worked for by Jan 31, and the 1040EZ (with TurboTax) is really really easy. Really. It literally says like "gross income" from box 3, and you look at the box 3 on the W-2. If you use TurboTax, sometimes they will upload the info from your W-2 for you.

Once you've gotten your W-2 and filled out your taxes, you can fill out the FAFSA. Since you're old enough that you don't need your parent's info it's even easier.

And ask out the guy! I KNOW It's really really hard--but think about it--if any guy asked YOU out, wouldn't you be flattered, even if you weren't interested? I would be. So, the WORST thing that can happen is that you give a major ego boost. :) Asking a guy out isn't being pushy!!! I used to be afraid of that too! In fact, some (really great guys) WILL let you take the lead early on because they want to be respectful. My husband is like this--we met online, but I gave him my personal email first, talked to him on IM first, asked him out first--I was worried about being pushy, but he was being respectful by not pushing me past what I was confortable with--I think that's true of some (nice) guys. In my experience, the guys who came on really really strong weren't respectful of my feelings--of course, your experiences might be different. :)

When I was getting out of fundie-dom, I would remind myself that people do these things (ask guys out, fill out tax forms/fafsa, go to college, get car loans, etc) ALL THE TIME, and if they did, I could too.

[Kelya]

The FAFSA is literally the easiest thing in the world to fill out. If you have a copy of your tax form (which I'm betting is a 1040EZ, probably), it references the line numbers, literally it says something like "Adjusted Gross Income (find this information on line X of 1040EZ, X on 1040, X on whatever)_____"

If you want to fill it out, you will be able to so. Additionally, the college you're applying to will have more resources and potentially even free FAFSA seminars. Are you thinking community college? Call them up and explain your situation, I'd just say "Hi, I'm a X old woman looking to apply and unsure of how to start. Are there any admission counselors I can talk with about my situation?" How old are you again? You might qualify for some older returning student programs, my college had a program from women over 24 who were just starting a degree due to circumstances like abuse, poverty, childbearing...an overbearing religious background probs would have gotten you in.

[apple1]

AnnoDomini,

DITTO on what Austin, antifundie, and Kelya have said.

Think about what area of education you might be interested in; if you don't know right now, that's OK because the first year is about the same with general required courses no matter what you major in. Find out about a community college near you; you could go to school and still live at home if that works for you. Fill out the FAFSA to take care of the financial piece. There will be a financial aid office at the college that can also help you.

Additionally, if you don't have one, get a part-time job, whether it is fast food, or whatever. It's still a little money in your pocket meanwhile, plus it is "life experience".

Start to think of yourself as an individual, an ADULT. (Yes, I know "adulthood" is a spectrum, but...) BTW You need to get that thinking of yourself as an individual down, before becoming attached to a significant other and thinking of yourselves as a couple. (That's a little aside from one who has been married 34 years). An realize that in the end, you are responsible for the path of your life as an adult.

I am the parent of a 30-year old and a 28-year old, and the Grandma of a 7-month old. (I am also a Christian, not fundy, but I was raised what most would consider fundy). Let me assure you that the ENTIRE purpose of parenthood is to help a baby, then a child, then an adolescent, etc, become an adult, and thus become INDEPENDENT of the parents. If done right, hopefully the adult thus created is able to then have an adult relationship with the adults that used to be the parents. It is no longer a parent/child relationship. For this to happen, the parents should be progressively guiding, then releasing control. If the parents do not release, then the adult child is going to need to break loose of some of that control. Once again, this is a spectrum, not all or nothing.

Best wishes.

[Rosa]

Add me to the chorus of "if you don't know what to do, go to college" - a year of community college, even with room & board, won't put you that much in debt, and it will give you a chance to think and try things away from your family, pretty much regardless of what you study. If you don't have last year's tax filing, call the IRS and they will send you a copy - all you need are dollar amounts and line numbers. If the online FAFSA stumps you, do like people said and call the college for help. THEY WANT YOU. I promise. They want you to go there and they will help you with all of it. I have helped people I think were semi-literate with the FAFSA: I've read your posts here, and you can totally do it. Whoever convinced you this stuff was hard did you a disservice.

But what I really wanted to say was - this is where it's just about impossible to tell simple bad parenting from fundyism. Raising children to be paralyzed and dependent is BAD PARENTING and it doesn't really matter if your parents did it because someone convinced them it was good parenting, or because they were emotionally or mentally incompetent, or because they were selfish and malevolent, or some combination of the the three (I'm convinced half the fundy parents we hear from are just bad parents who found a religious excuse for it - partly because some folks with the exact same beliefs manage to be good parents despite them.)

[AnnoDomini]

I'll get my father to help me with the tax stuff. They try to convince me I could do it (no one convinced me I couldn't except me) but I absolutely am instantly lost the minute I look at a form. I don't do well with any kind of form, even application forms.

I am doing a course, and have finished two already. The one I'm in right now cost my last $500 (twice as much as I was expecting, twice as much as my other classes), I'm failing it, and if I fail it, I'll have wasted not only the money I spent on the course but the money, time and misery I spent on the prerequisite course earlier this year, because I do not retain the subject well and if I can't move on to the higher level course next semester I'll have to do it all over again. I have no job and no one will hire me. Everyone else has more experience, more everything. This has been my worst year ever.

I asked him out. :D Heard back from him. He says he'd like to, he's really busy but maybe a weekend, and also he wants to make it clear that he wants to be friends, not ready for anything else (I refuse to say 'more'). I'm happy!

[Austin]

I'll get my father to help me with the tax stuff. They try to convince me I could do it (no one convinced me I couldn't except me) but I absolutely am instantly lost the minute I look at a form. I don't do well with any kind of form, even application forms.

It's really not rocket science, AD. As others have said, it is a piece of cake. The FAFSA asks you questions and you literally just fill in the blanks. You don't need your father to do this for you. You are an adult. These are the sorts of things adults need to take care of. Not trying to be mean, but it seems like you're constantly searching for ways not to grow up and then complaining because you are stuck. And a crush on some guy is not going to change any of that (although good luck with that).

Of course, if you're completely happy with your life now, then obviously disregard.

[snarkykitty]

I'll get my father to help me with the tax stuff. They try to convince me I could do it (no one convinced me I couldn't except me) but I absolutely am instantly lost the minute I look at a form. I don't do well with any kind of form, even application forms.

I am doing a course, and have finished two already. The one I'm in right now cost my last $500 (twice as much as I was expecting, twice as much as my other classes), I'm failing it, and if I fail it, I'll have wasted not only the money I spent on the course but the money, time and misery I spent on the prerequisite course earlier this year, because I do not retain the subject well and if I can't move on to the higher level course next semester I'll have to do it all over again. I have no job and no one will hire me. Everyone else has more experience, more everything. This has been my worst year ever.

I asked him out. :D Heard back from him. He says he'd like to, he's really busy but maybe a weekend, and also he wants to make it clear that he wants to be friends, not ready for anything else (I refuse to say 'more'). I'm happy!

How can you not know how much you made last year? Your tax return should say "Gross Earnings" on it. You don't need your father to help you read your tax return to prepare the FAFSA. Go to this site for help on filling out the FAFSA: http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/help.htm. If your answers are not there, google it.

You said that you are failing your class, because you do not retain the information. Have you tried talking to your academic adviser, asked about peer tutoring, or looked around for classes or books on study skills? Do you have a learning disability? If so, there are also resources out there for you.

Your education is so important. Don't leave loose ends untied waiting for someone else to figure things out for you. Be proactive.

Lastly, regarding finding a job, try looking for something entry-level in an area you enjoy. Interested in becoming a vet? Volunteer at the animal shelter. Interested in becoming a chef? Look for a job in a bakery or restaurant. There are SO many options. And yes, there are a lot of people out there looking for jobs, but you can be "that girl."

Growing up is hard. I understand not having the support to stand on my own two feet. But I realized that I had to do it, and stopped waiting for my parents to do their job in that respect.

[masagoroll]

I have a couple of questions for you, AnnoDomini:

1. What do YOU believe now? Are you still Christian? Do you still agree with the things your parents have taught you?

2. Do you have any idea what kind of job you would like to have in the future? Just, like, theoretically?

3. Does your older sister live away from home? If so, could she help you out/advise you?

4. Also, just out of nosiness and curiosity, what are the other 7 kids in your family like now? I.e., are they older or younger, married, do they live out of home, etc.

[CynicMom]

Why not ask him out on a group date? Lots of teenagers/people new to dating start out with them. Basically you and one or more friends decide to see a movie and then you ask your crush if he wants to join you. It's less pressure on him because he'll have some friends there to talk to in addition to you. Then if it goes well you can get some coffee or something on the way home. Or maybe practice your lines in the play together. .... or something ;)

[ems]

How can you not know how much you made last year? Your tax return should say "Gross Earnings" on it. You don't need your father to help you read your tax return to prepare the FAFSA. Go to this site for help on filling out the FAFSA: http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/help.htm. If your answers are not there, google it.

You said that you are failing your class, because you do not retain the information. Have you tried talking to your academic adviser, asked about peer tutoring, or looked around for classes or books on study skills? Do you have a learning disability? If so, there are also resources out there for you.

Your education is so important. Don't leave loose ends untied waiting for someone else to figure things out for you. Be proactive.

Lastly, regarding finding a job, try looking for something entry-level in an area you enjoy. Interested in becoming a vet? Volunteer at the animal shelter. Interested in becoming a chef? Look for a job in a bakery or restaurant. There are SO many options. And yes, there are a lot of people out there looking for jobs, but you can be "that girl."

Growing up is hard. I understand not having the support to stand on my own two feet. But I realized that I had to do it, and stopped waiting for my parents to do their job in that respect.

If you feel you are someone who struggles with forms, AD, (yeah, the FAFSA is not rocket science, but for some people their eyes glaze over when it comes to any sort of paperwork), maybe it would be better to ask someone at your school (they've got to have some sort of financial aid adviser) than to ask your dad. Same for help with your class -- try to find a tutor; there probably is a student center to offer no-cost tutoring or at least advice. Adults will need help from other adults sometimes, no matter how hard or easy the "problem" seems to someone else. Still, I agree with what others have said that your goal right now is to break away from your parents, so even if you first instinct is to go to them, don't listen to it. There are people out there in "the world" who are willing to help you along your way to independence.

Take it one step at a time. I feel for you, because I know change is hard and that you are stepping away from all you have ever know in life. I'm just remembering things my aunt has told me, though -- that you need to see yourself as competent and able rather than hopeless and helpless. Take little steps and look for results. Remember your successes as they reveal that you are in fact able to live as an adult. When you fail, don't stress over it but keep moving forward.

Best of luck.

[ems]

Do you have any "non-fundie" relatives who live in your area? I ask because in some ways your situation reminds me of a friend of mind who, while not raised fundie, had somewhat overbearing parents. They really limited her college choices and she ended up going to a community college while living at home. At one point in her freshman year, she got so frustrated that she basically "ran away" and ended up living with her aunt one county over. She lived with a different aunt for awhile, had to leave school to get an office job, and had a series of apartments. Today, 10 years later, she is married, living across the country, and just finished vet tech school. She's fairly close to her parents today but knows that she pretty much had to do what she did to gain independence.

[Austin]

AD has mentioned that she has held jobs, I believe. The FAFSA is no more difficult than filling out employment paperwork. There is live chat help available, as I recall. You basically need to know your name, your SSN, some tax information that is taken right off your tax return - it even tells you which line to get the number from, and other very basic info. You just tell the truth on the questions that are asked, many of which are yes or no. And yes, there are people who will help.

I know this sounds harsh, and it is not my intention to be. I am trying to challenge AD to do something about her situation instead of just complaining about it. I empathize, but my empathy, or anyone else's, does her little good. Getting her FAFSA done, getting into school full-time and out of her parents home is the thing that will change her life. I am sorry for the way she was raised, as I am sorry for many people, but only she can change her course for the future. And she's 24 years old. Tick-tock.

[AnnoDomini]

It's really not rocket science, AD. As others have said, it is a piece of cake. The FAFSA asks you questions and you literally just fill in the blanks. You don't need your father to do this for you. You are an adult. These are the sorts of things adults need to take care of. Not trying to be mean, but it seems like you're constantly searching for ways not to grow up and then complaining because you are stuck. And a crush on some guy is not going to change any of that (although good luck with that).

Of course, if you're completely happy with your life now, then obviously disregard.

Yes but it depends on A) me understanding the questions, B) being able to answer them in the 'correct' way. Forms are one of my weaknesses. Instead of beating myself up for my weakness, I deal with it by getting help.

[AnnoDomini]

I have a couple of questions for you, AnnoDomini:

1. What do YOU believe now? Are you still Christian? Do you still agree with the things your parents have taught you?

2. Do you have any idea what kind of job you would like to have in the future? Just, like, theoretically?

3. Does your older sister live away from home? If so, could she help you out/advise you?

4. Also, just out of nosiness and curiosity, what are the other 7 kids in your family like now? I.e., are they older or younger, married, do they live out of home, etc.

I still believe in a lot of things I used to. I'm still Christian. I have no idea what I want to be. My parents rarely if ever asked,a nd if they had I wouldn't have known what to tell them. Living like I have no future doesn't encourage me to plan for t,you know? And I dare not hope for anything beyond minimum-wage-slave part time. Even those places hire everyone else before me.

Every last one of my siblings lives at home. Only my older sister has a job, and I think she's the only one with any real hope of having one. She has a dream of living in a converted vehicle, but I doubt it will ever actually happen.

I really appreciate everyone's caring and trying to get me to do form-type things and having hope for me that I haven't had in almost as long as I can remember. I am truly sorry but I can't talk about that aspect anymore. It upsets me too much. I'm crying right now. It's bringing back feelings of total failure as a person and making me feel scolded for it, though I'm sure that's not your intentions. I'm, er, not emotionally stable. I may have a disorder but I do not have the money for a diagnosis. Please, please, let's not talk about this.

I'd far prefer to talk about the guy, daring to go outside waht I was taught, and whether or not my family is fundy, and how fundy they are. I like talking about that--I had to keep it secret for so many years, contributing to my sense of shame.

[Austin]

Yes but it depends on A) me understanding the questions, B) being able to answer them in the 'correct' way. Forms are one of my weaknesses. Instead of beating myself up for my weakness, I deal with it by getting help.

Then get help, if you need it. But waiting around for your dad certainly hasn't gotten you very far to date. Have you even looked at the FAFSA? How do you know you can't answer the questions? You seem to have been able to fill out employment forms, and you seem to read and write well enough.

There are all sorts of folks on FJ who have filled out FAFSAs, students, parents, even admissions counselors. Post your questions and you'll get help here if you want it. There are people in admissions offices who can advise you. As I mentioned in another post, there is even live chat help on the FAFSA website.

But as I said, if you're completely happy with your life now, don't do a thing.

[emmiedahl]

If you do the FAFSA online, it is super easy--just fill in the blanks. Most colleges will help you for free if you still are having problems.