M is for Mama 3: B is for Baby Boy Born

[Tigerchild74]

I don't think most people will be able to.  Many people can't now.  We certainly cannot afford to put 3 people through school at once, esp. as living costs have skyrocked in our area.  We contributed to savings for them, but it's simply not enough.

When I was in school my parents helped a little, but I easily made enough working full time In the summer and part time during the school year, plus applying for every scholarship I thought I would qualify for to pay for it.   That was doable with the cost.  Not really so now.

Pretty soon public/state uni is going to cost as much as private schools if not more, because the spendy ones almost always have alumni/donor grants to offset tuition costs and deeper pockets to do so than state schools do

[Lisafer]

35 minutes ago, Tigerchild74 said:

I don't think most people will be able to.  Many people can't now.  We certainly cannot afford to put 3 people through school at once, esp. as living costs have skyrocked in our area.  We contributed to savings for them, but it's simply not enough.

When I was in school my parents helped a little, but I easily made enough working full time In the summer and part time during the school year, plus applying for every scholarship I thought I would qualify for to pay for it.   That was doable with the cost.  Not really so now.

Pretty soon public/state uni is going to cost as much as private schools if not more, because the spendy ones almost always have alumni/donor grants to offset tuition costs and deeper pockets to do so than state schools do

It's really sad that as the requirements for a job get steeper and steeper, so does the cost of obtaining the necessary degrees. A bachelor's is almost meaningless in so many fields: it's all about the Masters and PhDs. Trade school can be a better option for some kids, in my opinion: plumbing, HVAC, and similar jobs often pay really well, depending on your area. Not everybody is a good fit for college. 

I got the first two years out of the way at a community college, which was pretty awesome. Pell Grants covered a lot of that. Hopefully those are still around when my kids are older.

[Off the Rails]

20 hours ago, Rowan said:

I will be 40 in a few months and my husband will be 55 by then. We will be married three years this June. We are expecting our first (after 1.5 years of infertility and two early losses) in September. Not out of the woods yet with things, but it's better than the other two ever were. Honestly? I'm terrified. Not as much as when I first got the positive, and some of that is the ultrasounds with very good stats. But to be 70 with a teenager? My poor husband. And to face a really empty nest, possibly by myself? All of that is scary. But we both have wanted kids our entire lives, it just took us a long time to find each other. So we're giving it a try. If anything happens with this one though, we're done. I can't take the infertility treatments stress, and the emotional roller coaster you are on when it doesn't work, and when it does. 

Because of my husband's age and his parents' issues having kids (all four are adopted, he is the oldest), my MIL will be turning 89 next month. I almost feel like I relate more to his nieces and nephews sometimes (most of them in college at this point). It's a very strange position.

Congratulations! That's so exciting and I'm so happy for you, even though I don't know you.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m guessing he is not named Heaven. I can’t tell if that’s a shadow or a birthmark. She always uses filters so I bet she used a filter that made a shadow look like a birthmark.

[madeesaurus]

I don't know that it's a birthmark, because his wrist is the same color, but that's a really interesting shadow. 

[freejugar]

she has time to type up all that shit and not the name? it takes two seconds!

she just wants to keep her audience waiting, what an attention whore

[Walking Cat Bed]

6 hours ago, Lisafer said:

It's really sad that as the requirements for a job get steeper and steeper, so does the cost of obtaining the necessary degrees. A bachelor's is almost meaningless in so many fields: it's all about the Masters and PhDs. Trade school can be a better option for some kids, in my opinion: plumbing, HVAC, and similar jobs often pay really well, depending on your area. Not everybody is a good fit for college. 

I got the first two years out of the way at a community college, which was pretty awesome. Pell Grants covered a lot of that. Hopefully those are still around when my kids are older.

The school district I work for has a few high schools that focus on trade-prep -- like if someone's interested in cosmetology or mechanical work, they get some of the initial classwork done and can finish up at a specific community college or trade program in the area. I feel like this is a much better approach for the kids who want to get a job right away, and not just in customer service.

[Hane]

@luv2laugh, I completely agree: the best time to have a child is when you WANT to have a child.

One warning, though, came to me from a former colleague:  She told me that she and her husband decided to wait until they had their master’s degrees, had just the right house (which was quite spacious and absolutely gorgeous), and were settled into productive careers. But by that point (early 30s, IIRC), her fibroids had become so bad she needed a hysterectomy. 

[luv2laugh]

9 hours ago, freejugar said:

she just wants to keep her audience waiting, what an attention whore

Attention is girlfriend's D-R-U-G and the only reason she keeps getting pregnant.

Get prepared, guys. Braggie is going to PUMP out the pompous posts about working out, renovating rooms, and painting the town red over the next few weeks (while shuffling the baby between the oldest kids when she's not nursing). Why? Obviously, because she wants to brag about how she ROCKS the newborn phase and is a WAY better mom in the "fourth trimester" than any of her followers..  

Although, she might not exactly pompously post now because we all know she's reading here :).  However, I doubt it. She'll totally do it ?. She needs to get her "fix" of bragging (AKA setting the stage for the camera and meanwhile, make everyone else pick up her slack ).        

On a side note, the baby's name is, in "Jill speak", totally Anthro.

[MayMay1123]

baby doesn't look like he has a port wine birthmark in the other pic, but he certainly does in this one. a shadow wouldn't be jagged across his neck like that, i don't think. my daughter's strawberry didn't come out until she was a few days old, but i don't know about port wine ones. i did read they get darker as a child ages

[SassyPants]

I think we should call him/her Heaven from here on out!

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

baby doesn't look like he has a port wine birthmark in the other pic, but he certainly does in this one. a shadow wouldn't be jagged across his neck like that, i don't think. my daughter's strawberry didn't come out until she was a few days old, but i don't know about port wine ones. i did read they get darker as a child ages

If Braggie wasn’t one to use filters constantly I would say it was a birthmark. But the fact that it could be a filter is making me unsure. And if it is a filter, why the fuck would you do that to a picture? She hasn’t posted anymore pictures so maybe it is a birthmark. I have a large and very dark birthmark (black in some spots even) so I know what it’s like to have one. I think Braggie would be a horrible mother to a child with a noticeable and large birthmark. She is horribly superficial. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just comparing Honor’s birth to this new baby, she is already a little different. She announced Honor’s full name, birthweight, and arrival time on the day he was born on instagram. The baby was born two days ago and still no name, birthweight, or anything. That is kind of odd for her.

[luv2laugh]

Who is going to take one for the team and read her birth story when she posts it? I also did my time... they are pretty melodramatic and LOOONG.

I’m starting to seriously wonder if she named the baby Heaven...

[Eponine]

22 hours ago, Lisafer said:

On the other hand, I paid for my own college with Pell Grants and money from working, and it didn't do me any harm!

I work at a university and I always cringe when parents say this - most have no idea how much tuition has gone up very recently, and how far federal and state grants and loans lag behind. The place I work is private, and even if a freshman student got full Pell, full state grant, and took their loans for the year, their balance would be about $22,000 for the year before any academic scholarships. Full Pell and state grant comes to about $3,500 for in-state students at state schools (but state schools tend to jack up fees on everything so realistically it's more like $5,000). And those figures are assuming absolutely no income for the family - grants fall rapidly the more the family income goes up.

So yes, it's doable for a no-family-income student to earn enough to pay for their school year at a state school. It becomes more difficult if they're also paying for transportation, books, etc. Also consider that tuition goes up every year, while normally the Pell grant only increases $100 per year, and my state at least hasn't raised the maximum state grant in at least 5 years. Then combine the pressure of paying their way at university with maintaining good grades and commuting...it does become really difficult for some students and the pressure can get to them in damaging ways.

The system is really broken and my heart goes out to those families who want to give their kid the education they want and deserve, but end up getting screwed in the end. I try to always counsel students to look at community college for at least a couple of years before transferring in, but there is somewhat of a stigma there still.

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think Braggie would be a horrible mother to a child with a noticeable and large birthmark. She is horribly superficial. 

I couldn't agree more. I keep thinking to myself, please let this be a shadow. I sincerely hope Abbie's baby is perfect. 

[TuringMachine]

We gotta a name:

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Ok no shadow birthmark. Jesus stop with the filters Braggie. And of course she gets her way with his name although Shawn didnt want it. 

[danvillebelle]

He's an adorable baby.

His meticulously overstyled photo (the letter board, the swaddle cloth, the hipster print background blanket and bear) sets my teeth on edge.

I would have never THOUGHT to "wear him down" when it came to naming our children.  We either both loved the names or we didn't use them, period.

[Lisafer]

13 minutes ago, Eponine said:

I work at a university and I always cringe when parents say this - most have no idea how much tuition has gone up very recently, and how far federal and state grants and loans lag behind. The place I work is private, and even if a freshman student got full Pell, full state grant, and took their loans for the year, their balance would be about $22,000 for the year before any academic scholarships. Full Pell and state grant comes to about $3,500 for in-state students at state schools (but state schools tend to jack up fees on everything so realistically it's more like $5,000). And those figures are assuming absolutely no income for the family - grants fall rapidly the more the family income goes up.

 

What I was trying to say was that paying for your own education is not necessarily a bad thing. I feel bad that I likely won't be able to help, because as a parent I like to help my children, but I was not harmed by taking care of my own shit. I found it empowering. Not everybody is in the same position, of course. I'm not denying that a lot of people have been put in bad positions by student loans. I apologize if I seemed dismissive of the struggles of anybody reading here! 

We may live in different economic areas, too. Tuition and fees at our local state university would come to about 30,000 total for four years for an in-state student. That's not horrible. Of course, if you need to live on campus, that doubles. But this is without figuring any grants, scholarships, etc. If I was at freshman college age again, that wouldn't be an insurmountable problem. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

18 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

He's an adorable baby.

His meticulously overstyled photo (the letter board, the swaddle cloth, the hipster print background blanket and bear) sets my teeth on edge.

I would have never THOUGHT to "wear him down" when it came to naming our children.  We either both loved the names or we didn't use them, period.

Luckily my husband has always liked my name choices. I wouldn’t “wear him down” either. I would hate to think my husband dislikes the name of one of his children. 

[SuperNova]

Hooray, he's a perfect potato! His only affliction is that name. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

It’s funny how Braggie mentions Brangelina. TBH I would have thought she would ditch the name because of Shiloh Pitt since Shiloh dresses in masculine clothing and has a masculine haircut. I imagine fundies and evangelicals hate that Shiloh is afforded that personal freedom. If one of Braggie’s girls wanted to only wear clothing from the boy department, I doubt she would allow it. Although she does allow short haircuts. Probably because she thinks it’s cute.

[Eponine]

13 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

What I was trying to say was that paying for your own education is not necessarily a bad thing. I feel bad that I likely won't be able to help, because as a parent I like to help my children, but I was not harmed by taking care of my own shit. I found it empowering. Not everybody is in the same position, of course. I'm not denying that a lot of people have been put in bad positions by student loans. I apologize if I seemed dismissive of the struggles of anybody reading here!

I get what you mean! I just always worry when I hear parents expecting their kids to do the same thing they did in college because "I did it and I was fine!" I graduated about 10 years ago and even since then universities have changed massively, particularly in terms of money. There is also a push (at least in my area) for students to take more classes per semester to decrease time to graduation, which can make it a lot harder for students to work enough to pay their way.

My job is basically taking care of personal and financial emergencies of students at my university and I've seen too many students have breakdowns (mentally and scholastically) because their parents have much higher expectations than the kid can handle. That's not to say I don't think you personally will be prepared for it when the time comes but I'm a little gun-shy when it comes to that particular thing! There are plenty of students who can do it, but some who definitely cannot. I just try to make sure both parents and students understand what they're getting into when they commit to it.

[Lisafer]

6 minutes ago, Eponine said:

I get what you mean! I just always worry when I hear parents expecting their kids to do the same thing they did in college because "I did it and I was fine!" I graduated about 10 years ago and even since then universities have changed massively, particularly in terms of money. There is also a push (at least in my area) for students to take more classes per semester to decrease time to graduation, which can make it a lot harder for students to work enough to pay their way.

My job is basically taking care of personal and financial emergencies of students at my university and I've seen too many students have breakdowns (mentally and scholastically) because their parents have much higher expectations than the kid can handle. That's not to say I don't think you personally will be prepared for it when the time comes but I'm a little gun-shy when it comes to that particular thing! There are plenty of students who can do it, but some who definitely cannot. I just try to make sure both parents and students understand what they're getting into when they commit to it.

I understand! Even though I won't be able to help financially, I fully expect to be helping my kids track down grants, look at cost/benefit analysis for careers, and offer advice (if wanted) on different educational paths. I don't want to be a heavy-handed parent or have extreme expectations. It will be a new thing for me when my kids are that age: I had to make all my own decisions because I was actively discouraged from going to college or working. 

Thanks for pointing out that what I said could potentially be hurtful!