Bro Gary Hawkins 23: Give Us the History

[keepercjr]

On 11/9/2023 at 3:31 PM, thoughtful said:

 

Then he starts the prayer requests by saying, quickly and as if he was reading a grocery list: "Prayf'rBr'r Gary, and his wife, they're driving to North Carolina, his mother did pass away, and she is in heaven now, in a beautiful place, and so, he's on his way there, his wife is doin' better and so they're on their way there for this funeral on Friday, so pray for them."

This is so dumb.  As if Becky isn't a member of the church and goes to services regularly.  Gary is the man so he is the one that actually matters.  Becky is just relegated to "his wife"

Sister Tracy doesn't seem to exist online before her first husband.  I wonder what her maiden name is.  Did Sheila or Danny have a kid before they got together? 

[Xan]

"My Daddy and Momma put everything they have ever had in the ministry"??  Danny didn't even end up with a church.  Currently, he preaches in his living room to what appear to be relatives.  I don't believe that Danny gave everything to his ministry any more than I believe that Gary gives everything to his.  They both appear to be folks who we used to describe as "having a hand full of please and a mouth full of thank you" instead of really investing in their faux ministries.

These are smaller rural communities so I imagine the church didn't charge for the plot.  They would have to pay for the embalming, casket, and headstone.  As others have said, that could easily run into $10,000 to $12,000.  My dad's was more than that but my mother insisted on getting the best casket that the local undertaker had.  She said that she didn't want anyone to think she was being cheap.

[CTRLZero]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

My dad's was more than that but my mother insisted on getting the best casket that the local undertaker had.  She said that she didn't want anyone to think she was being cheap.

People can be funny about these things.  My husband’s family practically had a brawl over the casket of his grandma.  One uncle simply couldn’t afford a fancy casket, and it got really stressful.  I’ve told my daughter that I want a simple cremation and let the funeral home dispose of my cremains.  No muss, no fuss.  I certainly won’t care. 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, keepercjr said:

Sister Tracy doesn't seem to exist online before her first husband.  I wonder what her maiden name is.  Did Sheila or Danny have a kid before they got together? 

Do we know for sure that Neugent (or Collins) was her first married name, not her maiden name?

I was wondering if she was a child who was unwanted or orphaned (perhaps the child of the cousin who died at the kitchen table while making her grocery list) that Danny and Sheila took in. That might be why she never shows up with Hawkins or Hicks (Sheila's maiden name) as a last name.

[SoSoNosy]

Funeral homes  seem to demand their money on the spot anymore; I don't know what they did in previous times.  One of my employees' father died; he is buried in a military cemetery and had a life insurance policy that would more than cover the funeral home serviced. The funeral home wasn't willing to wait for the life insurance to pay off so I loaned her the money and she paid me back when they did.  

[keepercjr]

9 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Do we know for sure that Neugent (or Collins) was her first married name, not her maiden name?

I was wondering if she was a child who was unwanted or orphaned (perhaps the child of the cousin who died at the kitchen table while making her grocery list) that Danny and Sheila took in. That might be why she never shows up with Hawkins or Hicks (Sheila's maiden name) as a last name.

Collins is a married name.  A Billy Collins is the grandpa of her grandkids.  I think Neugent is too but can't quite be sure.  She has a daughter with the last name Neugent.

[thoughtful]

Becky and Gary are back in church in Tennessee tonight, Gary tapping the back of Becky's chair as usual.

Going back to the funeral:

Spoiler

Danny actually talks about his wife, at least at first, although his stories are self-centered. He is choked up with emotion, but manages to talk about their early days.

He says he had a good job with Duke Energy , but after four days of marriage, he just couldn't stand leaving his wife in the morning, so he quit and they went into farming for several years. He says they cut firewood, sold vegetables and hauled fertilizer together.

"Then the lor' called me in the ministry, an' we did that together."

He says she was as near to being a perfect pastor's wife as anyone could be, and stuck up for him when he went through trials - he says he "prob'ly had to go through a little more than the average."

As he talks about how churches dropped him, and, when he asked her if they should "go on," she was always OK with it,  Gary brings him a box of tissues.

And then Danny starts in with asking if they are "borned agin, do y'know, that ya know, that ya know, an' we kin put a few more of 'em in there, that your name is written in the lamb's book of life?"

Danny says he has to walk around due to his bad back. He comes down from the pulpit and walks in front of the coffin. After that, he doesn't move any more than he did in the pulpit, so all it does it take him away from the microphone, and I can barely hear him.

But I can tell that he's not crying now, just full-on preaching about salvation. It sounds like he just fell into a well-worn spiel, mostly about himself and his own salvation story. After a while, he's looking and sounding quite happy.

I also hear other voices - I think he's getting yells of affirmation and amens.

At one point, I think he's saying that Sheila is with Jesus and Moses and all those folks. He gestures at the coffin, and says "She don't wanna be back here." He goes on, and pats the coffin as he preaches. It sounds like he's telling stories from his past, always circling around again to telling them to get saved.

He even gets into the "a man is s'posed t'look lahk a man, a woman s'posed t'look lahk a woman" crap. Eventually, he wanders back up to the pulpit, going on about how he never cusses or fights, and how they should all try it, moving in and out of microphone range.

He does come back to the subject of Sheila (remember Sheila?) in his closing prayer, saying "ah've said it several tahms, lord, you know you've heard me out there, ah married a preacher's wahf, so you called me to preach" and thanking God for her.

But then, with the preface that he doesn't want to offend anyone, he continues asking God to touch the hearts of anyone there who is not saved, and get them under holy ghost conviction.

Altogether, he talked about Sheila (mostly about how she was his helpmeet) for 5 minutes, then ranted about salvation and fundy crap for 18 minutes.

Then there is recorded music of Welcome Home. Everyone sits for a few minutes, then they file out as the funeral home employees dismiss each row.

ETA - I want to know how this man fits in to this "men must have short hair" family:

 

 

Edited November 13, 2023 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

I fast-forwarded through enough of this morning's service at Family Baptist to get the impression that Pastor Baker mostly talked about his own service experiences for the special service for veterans. I couldn't bear to listen for details.

At tonight's service, when he asked for blessings, "something neat, good, special, encouraging," Becky said:

"Ah survived the 8-hour one way trip, straight through without havin' to get a motel, which was a blessing, so that means the medicine is working. Um, we had a good home-going service for my mother in law and it was sweet, and good fellowship with the family, and we came back with a grandchild, and our grandbaby boy will be born Wednesday if not before."

Baker tells the congregation that Gary's dad is a preacher, and did the funeral service, "and very sweet and touching and things, so do pray for the family with them."

It took me a while to find her - I think she was on the floor in front of them until Gary hauled her up onto his lap after greetings - but they do appear to have their granddaughter with them. So I guess another trip to NC will be upcoming after Michaela has her baby.

Edited November 13, 2023 by thoughtful

[keepercjr]

9 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I fast-forwarded through enough of this morning's service at Family Baptist to get the impression that Pastor Baker mostly talked about his own service experiences for the special service for veterans. I couldn't bear to listen for details.

At tonight's service, when he asked for blessings, "something neat good, special, encouraging," Becky said:

"Ah survived the 8-hour one way trip, straight through without havin' to get a motel, which was a blessing, so that means the medicine is working. Um, we had a good home-going service for my mother in law and it was sweet, and good fellowship with the family, and we came back with a grandchild, and our grandbaby boy will be born Wednesday if not before."

Baker tells the congregation that Gary's dad is a preacher, and did the funeral service, "and very sweet and touching and things, so do pray for the family with them."

It took me a while to find her - I think she was on the floor in front of them until Gary hauled her up onto his lap after greetings - but they do appear to have their granddaughter with them. So I guess another trip to NC will be upcoming after Michaela has her baby.

I guess it is nice that they are watching the grandchild for now but taking her 8 hours away?  Personally I would not be ok with that.  Doesn't Michaela's husband's family live in the area?  I would not trust Gary with a small child but maybe Becky is more reliable.  Either way I'm uncomfortable with that far drive.

38 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Becky and Gary are back in church in Tennessee tonight, Gary tapping the back of Becky's chair as usual.

Going back to the funeral:

  Hide contents

ETA - I want to know how this man fits in to this "men must have short hair" family:

 

Me too LOL.  He is Gary's nephew and seems to buck all the fundyness.  Good for him!  I wonder if the men must look like men and women must look like women is a dig at him?  I hope not.

 

[thoughtful]

6 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

He is Gary's nephew

Son of one of the less-fellowshipping daughters, I presume?

6 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

I wonder if the men must look like men and women must look like women is a dig at him?  I hope not.

Danny and Gary don't shy away from direct attacks and insults to family members in their sermons, so I suspect he is one of the targets of that particular rant.

[Xan]

Danny had a job with Duke Energy and quit after four days?  Is he crazy?  I don't believe for a minute that he just couldn't stand being away from Sheila.  Either he couldn't do the job or else he found the work too hard.  Farming isn't easy but, like Gary and our other fundies, at least Danny got to make his own schedule.  And he made her chop firewood with him and haul fertilizer?  No wonder she went first.  Between helping Danny keep the family afloat and doing all the "women's work" (cooking, cleaning, childcare, groceries, laundry), she was worn out.

I agree with @keepercjr.  It was nice of them to keep the granddaughter but that's a long distance to take her back and forth.  It might have been smarter for Becky to just stay in NC for a few days to help and then for Gary to come back and get her.  Does Gary still have a regular job though?  I seem to remember that he couldn't do the first job because he was surrounded by people who cursed.

[thoughtful]

18 hours ago, Xan said:

Danny had a job with Duke Energy and quit after four days? 

Yep. I left out that he even said something (incoherently, but I think I got the gist) about how he had been likely to be indoors soon, so I'm guessing he was a lineman or did some other kind of outdoor work for them, but might have been up for a promotion to something physically easier and perhaps better-paying.

Can you imagine being Sheila, marrying a man with a good job (very important in their world, since that's where all of the income would come from), then having him dump it in four days to make you do grueling farm work, plus, as you said, take care of all of the housework, often while pregnant and caring for little kids?

I know that leaving the workforce to be independent is often a goal of fundies, but the fertilizer hauling was, he said, "for a man," so that was still working for someone else to get a paycheck.

And then he decided he'd been "called" and shlepped her all over (SC, SD, NC), as he failed over and over at church planting and driving church and school buses, and trying to "minister" to his passengers.

18 hours ago, Xan said:

Does Gary still have a regular job though? 

Unless I missed something, it's unclear whether Gary is "working a job" right now. He left the trash collection job. I think he had something lined up, but it didn't start right away and was part time, and he was planning to ask for time off to go preach after a while. I'll see if I can find the exact quote (not that it would clear things up, probably, because Gary).

Edited November 14, 2023 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

I don't remember anyone posting this, but I could just be spacey, so forgive me if I'm delivering old news. Becky's second daughter had her baby.

I checked because I thought she was due about now, based on an old post from @keepercjr. She posted "And then there were three" with a picture of herself, her SO and the baby, on September 15.

So Becky has a granddaughter she is completely ignoring, along with the rest of her family, to be with Gary.

Did I ever mention, or did anyone else, that Becky has three sisters, and that her parents are still alive? As far as I can tell, Becky has cut off all contact with them. There are pictures of family celebrations, their kids, spouses and work lives on facebook, and no Becky.

[thoughtful]

I found the post about the job Gary may now have. In a video in September, he said:

Quote

"Ah'm startin' a new job, in the mornin', an' ah gotta get mah foot in the door an' everything 'cause they was lookin' for ay full-tahm an' ay part-tahm help, an' so raht now ah'm goin' in as full-tahm because ah wanna git settled in an' then some tahm in March or April ah will have t'set down an' talk t'them about bein' part tahm. And everything an' so raht now we're gonna start goin' out unless we kin drahve within a hour or two - or me - ah wanna say, um as much as mah wahf would love to, ah'm not sure that she would be able to travel - tsk - very much."

My guesses at what this meant, at the time:

Quote

 - Gary has a new job that hadn't started yet when he made this video - whether it started last Tuesday, the day after he made this video, or he was just saying that he has to get used to early mornings, I am not sure.

- he is assuming he will keep this job through the fall and winter    and then talk to them about taking a week off each month to go on the road and preach.

- until then, he is only doing occasional gigs nearby.

We never found out if he quit the trash-collecting job, was fired, or if leaving it had anything to do with when or how he hurt his foot or ankle.

Ooooh, looking back at old posts, I saw one of Gary's Facebook posts that puzzled us at the time, but may make more sense now.

Spoiler

Maybe he was talking about Becky's new granddaughter. Gary probably hates her name, which is not one he'd probably consider traditional, and this was posted about two weeks after she was born.

[Xan]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

So Becky has a granddaughter she is completely ignoring, along with the rest of her family, to be with Gary.

And she's currently caring for Gary's granddaughter but can't even mention her own.  Sometimes I feel sorry for her about having to live with Gary but today isn't one of those days.  She's a real piece of work herself.

[thoughtful]

I knew I'd noticed something I forgot to post - Gary's sister posted the link to the GoFundMe a seventh time, in between two chicken casserole recipes.

She had a similar heading to a previous post on it (despite what it says, she posted it on Saturday, a day after the funeral):

Quote

Please help us share this fundraiser we laid Momma to rest today it was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do. My Daddy and Momma put everything they have ever had in the ministry please help us raise this money to help my Dad.

GFM is still at $1655.

ETA: Gary has turned his attention to other priorities:

Spoiler

 

Edited November 14, 2023 by thoughtful

[keepercjr]

I saw that recently and for some reason thought it was posted here but I guess I was wrong.  I hope that Becky's daughter doesn't know that they are taking care of Gary's granddaughter while ignoring her her new baby.  I hope that Becky isn't ignoring her but as far as we can tell she hasn't visited.  Becky did "love" 1 picture and "like" another but thats it. 

[Alisamer]

On 11/13/2023 at 12:48 AM, Xan said:

Danny had a job with Duke Energy and quit after four days?  Is he crazy? 

Damn. Like I knew these people were nuts but seriously. Damn.

If he'd stayed with Duke Energy he'd have retired years ago with a NICE retirement package and could still have had time to do all the preaching he wanted to do. 

I know a lot of people who work for Duke, including my sister. Great benefits, plenty of vacation and PTO time, excellent pay (for most people, IMO), and most of them are looking at retiring at an age they should still have a good decade or two left to enjoy life afterward. It's WORK (my sister is in accounting and has spent the past month doing not much but work) but it's a big company with big company benefits. It's incredibly dumb to quit because you can't stand to be away from your wife for a few hours a day. Talk about short sighted!

[AmazonGrace]

Telling people that you quit because you wanted to be with your wife just sounds like a story you'd tell when you don't want them to know the real story.

 

 

[Xan]

2 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Telling people that you quit because you wanted to be with your wife just sounds like a story you'd tell when you don't want them to know the real story.

 

 

I think the more likely story is that Danny wanted to spend more time with his recliner.

[Alisamer]

1 minute ago, Xan said:

I think the more likely story is that Danny wanted to spend more time with his recliner.

True, but farming isn't the way to do that!

Maybe a bit in the winter, but most of the year farmers are sun-up to sun-down or beyond workers. I suspect "God's call to the ministry" sounded a lot like "you know if you claim to be a preacher you can sit around and pretend to read the bible while you snooze and call that working..."

[Xan]

Then again, we don't know how much he really farmed or how successful he was.  Maybe he did just enough loads of firewood and fertilizer to cover each week's bills.  From the tax bills, you can see that they've lived in that manufactured home for about 25 years.  I have no idea if he owned a larger property earlier that would accommodate farming.  I would assume so but it might have been more along the lines of a garden, chickens, and a cow for feeding the family.

Fundies like to embellish.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I hope that Becky isn't ignoring her but as far as we can tell she hasn't visited.  Becky did "love" 1 picture and "like" another but thats it. 

Thanks - I didn't even think to look for reactions. I'm glad to know that Becky has at least acknowledged the child in a positive way.

1 hour ago, Xan said:

I think the more likely story is that Danny wanted to spend more time with his recliner.

Or he got fired or laid off.

[thoughtful]

Gary and Becky went to Onesimus House tonight. I'm sure he was a big help. 🙄 Maybe she brought cookies, which is something, at least.

[postscript]

Gary, “being a help” doesn’t mean what you think it does, I picture “being a help” as bringing home-cooked meals, doing a load of laundry, etc. you picture it as telling the men they’re going to hell unless they get saved.