Unmarried Fundies 12: They Should Set Up Fundie Mingle

[JermajestyDuggar]

This is the timeline of Emily Haight and Justus Stangl. They are fundies that are friends with some Duggars, Wissmanns, Andreggs, etc. But I’m always amazed by how quickly these relationships go. I just want to tell most fundies to slow down a little. 

My husband and I would be

Met: April 2007, Dating: May 2007, Engaged: Jan. 2009, Married: Oct. 2009 First Kid: Oct. 2012.

[EmiSue]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

This is the timeline of Emily Haight and Justus Stangl. They are fundies that are friends with some Duggars, Wissmanns, Andreggs, etc. But I’m always amazed by how quickly these relationships go. I just want to tell most fundies to slow down a little. 

My husband and I would be

Met: April 2007, Dating: May 2007, Engaged: Jan. 2009, Married: Oct. 2009 First Kid: Oct. 2012.

My husband and I went from first date to wedding in 17 months. We felt like it was fast, maybe too fast, but when you know and all that. We had met 6 months prior to our first date but only really started talking one month prior. And kids didn't come until our 8th year of marriage, combo of we didn't feel ready and then infertility. But fundie timelines make my head spin.

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, EmiSue said:

My husband and I went from first date to wedding in 17 months. We felt like it was fast, maybe too fast, but when you know and all that. We had met 6 months prior to our first date but only really started talking one month prior. And kids didn't come until our 8th year of marriage, combo of we didn't feel ready and then infertility. But fundie timelines make my head spin.

What kills me more is that many of these fundies live far away from each other. So it’s not like they see each other in person every day. Sometimes they only get to see each other a few times a month or less. It’s crazy to think about.

[0 kids n not countin]

Met my husband in Jan 1991 at work,  had an on and off relationship from 1997 to about 2005 when we decided to see each other exclusively,  moved in together February 2006, decided we wanted to get married in March or April 2007, and tied the knot in late May 2007.  Lol, certainly not fundie approved.😅

[hollyfeller]

My ex and I got married on the 6th anniversary of our first date (it happened to be a Saturday again).  Obviously dating longer doesn't work out for everyone! 😄

[CaptainFunderpants]

17 minutes ago, hollyfeller said:

My ex and I got married on the 6th anniversary of our first date (it happened to be a Saturday again).  Obviously dating longer doesn't work out for everyone! 😄

This is what always gets me about "when you know you know."

BS. That phrase clearly has survivorship bias.

[Mrs Ms]

9 minutes ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

This is what always gets me about "when you know you know."

BS. That phrase clearly has survivorship bias.

I have no idea how other people mean it. Personally, shortly into every relationship I ever had, I had a feeling within a month or so about it maybe lasting years, but could never see myself as an old person with the guy. Or that it would fizzle quickly. My longest relationship was maybe  14 months (can’t remember 😄) 

Within a month of starting to date my current partner I had a vision of us together in maybe 50 years. 22 years later we are still together, though still not married. I sure as hell didn’t tell anyone at the time though!
 

[CarrotCake]

Here in the Netherlands we think most Americans marry fast, even after 3-4 years we would consider fast.

Most people here marry after 5-10 years or not at all.

[CaptainFunderpants]

5 hours ago, Mrs Ms said:

I have no idea how other people mean it. Personally, shortly into every relationship I ever had, I had a feeling within a month or so about it maybe lasting years, but could never see myself as an old person with the guy. Or that it would fizzle quickly. My longest relationship was maybe  14 months (can’t remember 😄) 

Within a month of starting to date my current partner I had a vision of us together in maybe 50 years. 22 years later we are still together, though still not married. I sure as hell didn’t tell anyone at the time though!
 

And see every boyfriend I've ever had I've mentally planned out our forever and felt like it would be forever, but then wasn't. There's only one that I question whether or not it was the right decision to call it quits; the rest, they're great guys but not hte right fit.

[theotherelise]

Protestant evangelical fundies have nothing on devout LDS! I think Ruby Franke and her husband met in August 2000 and were married December 2000.

Husband and I met in January, started dating in May, and were engaged in December. We got married the following October, so total time dating was about 17 months. 

A lot of different things can work. But no one will ever convince me little to no 1:1 time with a partner before getting hitched is a good idea.

 

[front hugs > duggs]

My husband wanted to propose to me after 19 months of dating and looking back, I think I was afraid of what people would think (that it was too soon!). I feel like growing up in the Northeastern part of the US, most people I knew dated for 3-5 years before getting engaged. We ended up getting engaged after 2 years and a month or so, and getting married about a year and a few months after that. Similar to a previous poster, we ended up having our kid around our 7th anniversary, due to waiting to be ready and then facing infertility. 

[nvmbr02]

My husband and I went about 3 1/2 years from first meeting to first baby being born. We got married 2 1/2 years after we met. We lived in the same place for about a month after we started dating then didn't live in the same state/country until I was around 7 months pregnant and we had been married for about a year. Then we had 3 kids in 5 years. 

I would not recommend it. I was hard, especially adjusting to each other and adjusting to parenthood. It worked for us, we have been married for 22 years now and both very happy. But there were some rough patches over the years, especially the first 2-3 years that I wasn't sure we were going to make it. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

this is Ashley Salyer’s sister. Again, very fast. 

[mango_fandango]

An old friend of mine messaged me yesterday and we were talking about how strange it is that so many of the people we knew at school are engaged or married now. I don't mean it in a nasty way! Just like "omg, how are all these people married, it seems so grown up haha" kinda thing. Anyway, she was telling me that one girl who was in our year at school got married about a week ago, and she's been with her now-husband since they were 16 (she's 29 now). Another friend got married last year. From what I can work out, she and her now-husband started dating in October 2019 and got engaged two years later. She now has a one month old baby (which seems more grown up tbh, being entirely responsible for a tiny human!) 

I'm currently single and always have been, no met in/dating/engaged/married/kids story for me! 

I've never really understood the phrase "when you know you know". HOW do you know? Maybe it's the autistic, I-take-things-literally in me. It just doesn't make sense to me. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

An old friend of mine messaged me yesterday and we were talking about how strange it is that so many of the people we knew at school are engaged or married now. I don't mean it in a nasty way! Just like "omg, how are all these people married, it seems so grown up haha" kinda thing. Anyway, she was telling me that one girl who was in our year at school got married about a week ago, and she's been with her now-husband since they were 16 (she's 29 now). Another friend got married last year. From what I can work out, she and her now-husband started dating in October 2019 and got engaged two years later. She now has a one month old baby (which seems more grown up tbh, being entirely responsible for a tiny human!) 

I'm currently single and always have been, no met in/dating/engaged/married/kids story for me! 

I've never really understood the phrase "when you know you know". HOW do you know? Maybe it's the autistic, I-take-things-literally in me. It just doesn't make sense to me. 

It may sound weird but when I met my husband for the first time after chatting online and in the phone for a few weeks, I instantly felt like I had known him forever. I guess the best way to describe it is feeling comfortable with someone very quickly. Which is actually pretty weird for me because I’m very uncomfortable when I first meet people. I have social anxiety. But I didn’t have that with my husband when I first met him. To me, that’s my “when you know you know” feeling. I just knew I felt very comfortable around him in a world where very few people made me feel comfortable. That feeling could be totally different for others. Maybe other people felt a spark or something. I just imagine the “when you know you know” feeling is completely different for everyone. And I’m not a believer in forever marriage being the only goal. I think relationships can be just right for that period of time. And later on in life, things change, and it’s ok that the relationship is no longer working like it did before. We accept this idea when it comes to friendships, but not romantic relationships. Not all great romantic relationships last forever. And that’s ok.

[raayx01]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

this is Ashley Salyer’s sister. Again, very fast. 

they might have had a quick engagement, but they new each other for over a year and a 10 month engagement is not common. usually its 3 to 4 months. but some fundies have waited 10 months. Won't Tim rod be almost a year from engagement to marry.

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, raayx01 said:

they might have had a quick engagement, but they new each other for over a year and a 10 month engagement is not common. usually its 3 to 4 months. but some fundies have waited 10 months. Won't Tim rod be almost a year from engagement to marry.

Saying they met doesn’t mean much. Many fundies meet in passing at an event. And then rarely talk after that. They just pray about the other person for awhile in many of these instances. Not talking regularly or hanging out. 

[Jana814]

One of my friends from college (a guy) got married somewhat quickly. Like less than a year between meeting & wedding. The difference between what they did & what a Fundie does id my friend & his wife were both 39 years old & knew what they wanted in a spouse. 

Edited July 13 by Jana814

[raayx01]

the happy caravan's oldest child Josiah is engaged to a girl names Eleanor Eden, interestingly she follows haley and carver bowers and most of the bates fam on insta

[Smee]

For me it was

Met July 2007 (I was 19)

Dating September 2007

Engaged June 2009

Married December 2009 

First kid November 2011 (then 3 in 5 years)

Separated April 2021

Divorced September 2023

 

Give it time, some of the fundies might still reach those last two... I had a fundie friend a few years back who got engaged at 17, married a month after her 18th birthday, miscarriage about 5 months later, first baby when she was 20, then another kid 2 years later. This friend is now divorced, exvangelical, non-binary, living their best life as a musician having unmarried sex with their other musician partner, shared custody of their two kids. At least two other friends from that church have followed similar trajectories and we are all happily divorced.

[CanadianMamam]

On 7/13/2024 at 1:39 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Saying they met doesn’t mean much. Many fundies meet in passing at an event. And then rarely talk after that. They just pray about the other person for awhile in many of these instances. Not talking regularly or hanging out. 

Not fundie at all, but my husband and I were like this. Technically we met in 2001. Neither one of us ever remember that meeting, we just know it happened and for the next four years, we went to the same parties and maybe e changed two dozen words of conversation. We had “known” each other for four years before we had a real conversation and then we started dating a few months after that. 

[dawn9476]

I was watching Chad and Erin Paine's latest video, and they said that they were out in OK for his brother's wedding. Johnny Paine, whose 21, married Maddie Henry, whose 18, on Tuesday. Johnny was the last one of Chad's siblings to be married. All 10 kids are married.

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 hours ago, dawn9476 said:

I was watching Chad and Erin Paine's latest video, and they said that they were out in OK for his brother's wedding. Johnny Paine, whose 21, married Maddie Henry, whose 18, on Tuesday. Johnny was the last one of Chad's siblings to be married. All 10 kids are married.

Yes, another set of fundie siblings married to fundie siblings. The list is quite long these days. 

[Sops2]

They don't look very fundie to me!! I wonder what Erin thought!!

And Yes, these are the bridesmaids

Edited July 24 by Sops2

[JMO]

I agree, they are all good looking and I think their dresses are all great.  But, I'm not a "modern modest" woman raised to be concerned about "eye traps".  

Edited July 24 by JMO