Bro Gary Hawkins 24: Smoking Meat

[Ozlsn]

On 5/23/2024 at 10:44 AM, Joyster said:

Gary’s got the gift of motivating men to go into the ministry, or should I say caskets?

Given they keep going on about the sins of the flesh my first thought was "it makes you impotent?"  Not the best selling point, no.

21 hours ago, Joyster said:

Tonight, Baker updated that the man moved back to ICU and put on a ventilator. A congregant visited him and he is still unsaved. The congregation was encouraged to keep praying for him to be saved and his health. 

On the one hand I'm glad he is being visited, and hope it brings some comfort and not irritation to him. On the other... they could just keep praying for him and when visiting talk about mundane things to keep him company. 

[Joyster]

Prayers have been answered. Gary made it safely to The Pizza Ranch, whose mission is “to glorify God by positively impacting the world we live in.” 

 

I know the Pizza Ranch has been discussed on FJ before. My daughter had to eat dinner at one on a school trip in Springfield, Il. She came back and said never go there. Every time we pass one on travels, we remember her tales of strange posters on the wall with 1950s white families and Bible verses depicted and country sounding hymns playing. When I asked for a positive, she’s said it was extremely clean. They are franchises, so I’m sure some are better than others. 

[thoughtful]

[Black Aliss]

On 5/25/2024 at 3:21 PM, thoughtful said:

I would absolutely ask them in and offer a little something to eat/drink

[Hane]

On 5/25/2024 at 8:09 AM, Joyster said:

Prayers have been answered. Gary made it safely to The Pizza Ranch, whose mission is “to glorify God by positively impacting the world we live in.”

I know the Pizza Ranch has been discussed on FJ before. My daughter had to eat dinner at one on a school trip in Springfield, Il. She came back and said never go there. Every time we pass one on travels, we remember her tales of strange posters on the wall with 1950s white families and Bible verses depicted and country sounding hymns playing. When I asked for a positive, she’s said it was extremely clean. They are franchises, so I’m sure some are better than others. 

Also,

 

[mango_fandango]

1 hour ago, Hane said:

Also,

 

What. The. Fuck??

Some people are beyond disgusting. 

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, Hane said:

Also,

 

Because of course.

 

[Joyster]

I was starting to think Gary was mellowing with funny posts about his dog smoking and a need for a good mechanic for his precious truck that won’t start.

Spoiler

No worries. He’s back to lecturing us about preaching.

[Ozlsn]

I wonder if the more funny posts are because he's not always focused on the preaching grift and has some (gasp) downtime from his day job. Then of course his guilt cell fires up so he has to post about damnation. 

[Dana723]

[thoughtful]

I haven't been keeping up with Bro Gary - just never felt like it, for some reason. I did leave him in the middle of a sermon, on April 28 - I should go back and finish recapping it.

I am ready for July 11, though - there are hot dogs in my freezer.

[marmalade]

What's up on 7/11? Does Gary preach against convenience stores? 😀

[thoughtful]

20 minutes ago, marmalade said:

What's up on 7/11? Does Gary preach against convenience stores? 😀

@marmalade, on July 11, 1999, Bro Gary was born again and saved from burnin' in hell with his back broke, at Open Door Baptist Church, Marion South Carolina, Sandhill Road, after the service, while waitin' to go out for a fish dinner.

I observe this anniversary by eating weens - not the  way Gary likes them, though; I can't bring myself to go that far.

 

Edited Wednesday at 04:10 AM by thoughtful

[marmalade]

So I suspect we'll be subjected to a story very similar to what you posted? Only with Garyisms? 😁

Edited Wednesday at 04:23 AM by marmalade
Weirdest typo ever

[thoughtful]

12 hours ago, marmalade said:

So I suspect we'll be subjected to a story very similar to what you posted? Only with Garyisms? 😁

He will post (or preach, if he gets the chance) the story, no doubt. He almost always includes what I posted above. Possible details include his reminding us that:

- he'd been "playin' church" before that, and was the preacher's "right hand man," a song leader who had the numbers in the songbook* memorized, baptized so many times "the tadpoles knew mah social security number." The first time I heard Gary use this line, which I assume he stole from someone, he said "sunscreen number," which makes sense as a joke - after that, he's always said SSN, as if he's imagining it's tattooed on his skin, or, Gary being Gary, just vomiting words.

- he doesn't remember what the pastor preached that day - he seems to find it important to say that it was not the sermon that inspired him.

- he was looking at the church doors and, instead of seeing the doors or what was outside (he's never specified whether they were wood, metal or glass, IIRC), he saw a vision of himself burning in hell.

- Jesus/God/the holy spirit told him (not in words, though) that it was his last chance to get saved, that he wouldn't "deal with" Gary any more.

If any of it happened, I think it's likely it was just his way to get them all to go out for Chinese food instead of fish.

*One of the little things I've noticed in IFBers - despite preferring hymns over sinful modern Christian music, they don't call a collection of them a hymnal, but a songbook.

[Xan]

I always figured there was some glass in the door and that Gary mistook a flash against the glass as a scene from hell.  It's also possible that he was getting an ocular migraine and his eyesight went funny.  Either way, I just don't think God was sending him any kind of message.  The "broke back" was the embellishment that put it over the line.

Recently, Gary posted that some of the people in the church helped them get into an "appointment".  I suppose he meant apartment so I guess the lady that they were living with either wanted her house back or else her relatives decided that Gary and Becky needed to move on.

[thoughtful]

17 hours ago, Xan said:

I always figured there was some glass in the door and that Gary mistook a flash against the glass as a scene from hell.  It's also possible that he was getting an ocular migraine and his eyesight went funny.  Either way, I just don't think God was sending him any kind of message.  The "broke back" was the embellishment that put it over the line.

Recently, Gary posted that some of the people in the church helped them get into an "appointment".  I suppose he meant apartment so I guess the lady that they were living with either wanted her house back or else her relatives decided that Gary and Becky needed to move on.

As far as I can tell, Gary's insistence that people in hell will have their backs broken is not original to him, but is not anywhere in the bible.

Here's his post about the new "appointment:"

Also, turkey eggs (store-bought, I think):

Spoiler

He got some comments about the eggs - nothing worth copying.