Dillards 95: Next?

[HeartsAFundie]

9 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

This popped up on my explore insta. Five in so little a space  man, rough  I couldn’t imagine one  I feel for any women going through this  I do wonder where fundies/ fundy light draw the line? Was she meant to suffer miscarriages endlessly until her fertility runs out or can they decide that a healthy babe is not going to come and get the snip or the pill etc? 

I know fundies would just let her have a million miscarriages  

I had a "cafeteria Catholic" co-worker/friend who put herself through this type of situation to have a second child.  She had her first child, a daughter, in 1999 and went on to have at least 4-5 miscarriages before having her second child, a son, in 2006 at age 41.  One of the miscarriages was actually a stillbirth, similar to Jill's daughter Isla.    She and her husband were even going to doctors for fertility treatments.  I honestly didn't know how she could put herself through all of that.  But she was so hell-bent on having 2 kids and not having an only child that I guess it didn't matter what the cost was.  Even to herself and her own well-being.   

All that to complete the family and then sadly, about a decade after their son was born, they divorced.     

Edited August 24 by HeartsAFundie

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I went to a Catholic high school (I was not raised Catholic) and my anatomy & physiology teacher had I believe 4 kids, one of whom was a very close friend of mine.  She said at one point that she had 4 miscarriages after the last before she and her husband decided that was enough.  I figured that was the safe way of saying "for the love of everything, girls, you don't have to put yourself through it endlessly" without telling a class of teenage catholics that birth control was okay.

[AussieKrissy]

7 hours ago, HeartsAFundie said:

I had a "cafeteria Catholic" co-worker/friend who put herself through this type of situation to have a second child.  She had her first child, a daughter, in 1999 and went on to have at least 4-5 miscarriages before having her second child, a son, in 2006 at age 41.  One of the miscarriages was actually a stillbirth, similar to Jill's daughter Isla.    She and her husband were even going to doctors for fertility treatments.  I honestly didn't know how she could put herself through all of that.  But she was so hell-bent on having 2 kids and not having an only child that I guess it didn't matter what the cost was.  Even to herself and her own well-being.   

All that to complete the family and then sadly, about a decade after their son was born, they divorced.     

Bet all that stress was not good for their marriage and adding to Divorcing.  

[AprilQuilt]

On 8/25/2024 at 12:50 AM, HeartsAFundie said:

I had a "cafeteria Catholic" co-worker/friend who put herself through this type of situation to have a second child.  She had her first child, a daughter, in 1999 and went on to have at least 4-5 miscarriages before having her second child, a son, in 2006 at age 41.  One of the miscarriages was actually a stillbirth, similar to Jill's daughter Isla.    She and her husband were even going to doctors for fertility treatments.  I honestly didn't know how she could put herself through all of that.  But she was so hell-bent on having 2 kids and not having an only child that I guess it didn't matter what the cost was.  Even to herself and her own well-being.   

All that to complete the family and then sadly, about a decade after their son was born, they divorced.     

I have also 'put myself through that' for a second child. There may be a faith element to it in your friend's/Deena's cases but I think until you are there yourself you don't know how you will feel or behave. I've had 8 miscarriages in all (one second trimester but before 20 weeks), and yes I know that for someone outside the situation it was clearly a kind of madness to keep going. But what's irresistible is that there is always the chance that this time it will be different. I think I refused to accept that I was going to be that unlucky woman for whom a second baby didn't happen. I felt extreme guilt that my child wouldn't have a sibling. And I'd loved having a baby and really really wanted to do it again.

It's hard to explain the grief of secondary infertility. A lot of people think "well you've got your one, what are you complaining about?" but there's so much more to it than that and some of the sadnesses are quite different from those that might be felt by people who never got to hold one child of their own in their arms. It's a different world. I know a woman who tried for ten years to have her second, and at the time I found that mind-boggling but now I can't swear I wouldn't have kept going for a decade. You want to feel like you gave it your best shot, but really where does it end? There is rarely a natural giving-up point when the odds are reset with every menstrual cycle.

Personally I and my partner hit the point where we were ready to say 'no more', and I had begun to do the work with myself to accept that this was our reality. It was hard going. Probably involved a degree of swallowing my pride because it felt a huge failure to have not been able to carry a baby to term again, to be so responsible for the shape of my family. I could see that life was good with just the 3 of us, and that we could start moving into a new phase of adventures with our school-age child. THEN I got pregnant again, and it stuck. I'm weeks away from my due date now and really happy we get to do this again, but I'm glad I had got the point of realising we would have been OK without. But I can't judge anyone from trying indefinitely. It's a really hard thing to walk away from, especially when we are broadly taught that fertility and family size is something we are in control of.

[Father Son Holy Goat]

Jill posted about a family trip to Tulsa, OK. I wonder if Derrick is thinking of a new job and a move for them? 

[raayx01]

59 minutes ago, Father Son Holy Goat said:

Jill posted about a family trip to Tulsa, OK. I wonder if Derrick is thinking of a new job and a move for them? 

isnt his college out there

[marmalade]

15 minutes ago, raayx01 said:

isnt his college out there

Stillwater is about an hour from Tulsa.