CarVan 15: Exposed Bras Make Baby Jesus Cry, Carlin.

[Melissa1977]

My children are 9 years apart and they are so close! My eldest found ways to play with the youngest despite their different life stage. There was a "distant" time during my eldest kid core teen years, but they are close again.

[raayx01]

1 hour ago, SoSoNosy said:

That Thrive Market they keep pushing is getting horrible comments on Facebook.  Apparently, you have to sign up for a subscription before you can even see what they have, and some people say you can't cancel that.  Plus, other people said they were placed on autoship for an order they didn't even submit, just had it on a list to check other things.

 

the same goes for the food meal prep subscriptions I've tried to look to see what food they have but it makes me sign up first.

[CaptainFunderpants]

29 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

My children are 9 years apart and they are so close! My eldest found ways to play with the youngest despite their different life stage. There was a "distant" time during my eldest kid core teen years, but they are close again.

Yup. If you can find common interests, it's super easy. In our house it was basketball, Pokemon, Harry Potter, and then once my older brother reached college, baking. And that was two boys, one girl. My brothers have also always played console video games together.

[JDuggs]

No one’s watched their backyard pool and putting green video yet!? I did because I wanted to see the layout of it all completed. The majority of the comments on YouTube were about the lack of a pool fence. They didn’t show anyone in the pool in the video.

[GreenBeans]

 

On 8/31/2024 at 10:16 PM, vienna said:

Trying to answer your question (not knowing what TL;DR means): I don't think big families are bad per se.

I think they are. Really engaged, motivated parents with lots of money MIGHT be able to make it work out well for 5 - 6 kids, provided those kids are spaced out and not “6 under 6”.

10 and more? No way each child is getting their individual personality and needs met. With enough money, you can pay for education and activities,  household chores and having someone else to drive kids to activities, but a) most families with 10+ kids will not have the financial means to pay for this lifestyle and b) you cannot outsource your children’s individual emotional needs, knowing them well, being there for them not just on special days but whenever they need you, taking the time and having the mental space to know kid 1 loves dinosaurs but only this specific one right now, and kid 2 is struggling because his best friend is hanging out with other kids more, and a million more things like that. No one can keep track of all this for 10+ kids, and many kids will need quiet one on one time to open up and talk about personal stuff (which, again, will be hard to get by in a household with so many kids).

Are there parents of large families doing a better job than many of the fundies we follow here? Yes, of course! Are there parents of large families loving their children and doing whatever they can to let their children thrive? Yes, of course! But that often isn’t enough and doesn’t mean large families are good for children. 

Edited September 2 by GreenBeans
Removed double post

[HeartsAFundie]

7 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

 

I think they are. Really engaged, motivated parents with lots of money MIGHT be able to make it work out well for 5 - 6 kids, provided those kids are spaced out and not “6 under 6”.

10 and more? No way each child is getting their individual personality and needs met.

There's a well-known family in my city that has 6 kids born from 1994-2010.   All went to Catholic school from K-8; all attended college when becoming of age; and all were able to take part in the extra-curricular activities of their choice from grammar school to high school.  However, the parents had BOTH sets of grandparents as well as younger aunts and uncles (mom's siblings) well within walking distance of their house.  Those folks served as babysitters, cooks, nannies and chauffeurs for pretty much all of it.  Meanwhile, with all this free help, the parents were able to focus on themselves, including going back to school to further their careers, date nights every Friday, and cruises and weekend getaways for just the two of them.    Anyone observing this family and not knowing the back story would think raising 6 kids was a piece of cake, but like Hillary Clinton said, "It takes a village".  And it certainly did in this case.  There's no way these two would have all this free time to themselves without the extended family doing everything for them.  The oldest one got married a year or so ago and I would be interested to see if she follows in her parents' footsteps regarding family size.  

I also knew of a family with 10 kids.  It was my dad's best friend's sister and her husband.  The kids were born from 1955-1974.  The house was in chaos and functioned more like a base where people stopped in and out to eat, bathe and sleep rather than an actual home.  

Edited September 2 by HeartsAFundie

[Jigsaw3]

I was once in a lineup listening to the teens in front of me chatter. Two of them were the youngest of six siblings and their friends were asking about the family. They were clearly well looked after upper middle class kids, with money for treats, wearing decent sports gear and doing the activities they wanted, so the family had enough money for all their kids. But they didn't have enough time -- it sounded like between jobs and general caretaking and chauffeuring, the parents were pretty burnt out and the kids were missing out on the emotional connection and one-on-one time. So agreed - despite the best of intentions, the more kids you have the harder it is.

[Coconut Flan]

9 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I think they are. Really engaged, motivated parents with lots of money MIGHT be able to make it work out well for 5 - 6 kids, provided those kids are spaced out and not “6 under 6”.

One of my friends in high school was one of five.  I don't think any were closer than 2.5 years.  Her father was a doctor or a lawyer and mom stayed home.  They obviously went to school.  They were just like other kids except there were five girls.  We lived in a small town so getting multiple kids to activities wasn't a big issue.  I think they might have been limited to three outside activities.  That wasn't unusual then. I was limited to two and i was an only child.  

[gobucks]

I think a lot of Boomer age folks have 6+ kids in their families. It was a different time back then. A lot of moms stayed at home. The neighbors all knew each other. The kids played outside ALL day. Everyone carpooled. Achievement culture was different in terms of extracurriculars so you could play stickball with the neighborhood kids in the summer and then make the high school baseball team. It wasn't 2 full time working parents driving 6+ kids to travel sports team practice 6 days a week all over 100 mile radius all year round. Totally different world.  I also think the parents were way more hands off in terms of parenting then as well (based on those "back in my day" stories).

Edited September 3 by gobucks

[Coconut Flan]

Well, I'm a boomer and knew no one growing up who had six or more children in the family.  The largest family was five girls and no they weren't Catholic.  My guess is they were trying for a son, but never admitted it when asked which was probably good for their daughters.  At least half the moms worked outside the home.  Mine did.  We needed the money.  I knew exactly one friend whose mother never worked outside the home who made a cooked lunch every day for her husband to come home.  Not much on the Leave it to Beaver fiction front.  No one carpooled except on rare occasions.  True we didn't have travel sports teams, but I grew up in a small mountain town where extra curricular activities were already very limited.  No, the neighbors didn't all know each other.  I never met the people who lived across the street from our second house or any of the ones on the street behind us. We didn't roam freely all day either.  My mother always knew where I was going, why, and when I'd return. There are apparently many myths about the "good old days."  As the queen said, recollections may vary and some romanticize their childhoods.  

[Ashley Ocean]

I'm a boomer from a family of 7 children and a Mom who never drove us anywhere. We had a lot of freedom (or non supervision, depending on how you look at it) and sometimes some of us got in trouble. None of us had any more than 3 children ourselves, mostly 2. Most of us have been married far longer than our parents, who divorced after 22 years and 7 children. Most of us are not close these days, now that our parents and one sibling  have passed away. My parents were both college educated, but they had no such goals for us, though some of us made that goal for ourselves. Honestly, my upbringing taught me a lot about what not to do!

[Mrs. Kravitz]

7 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

Well, I'm a boomer and knew no one growing up who had six or more children in the family.  The largest family was five girls and no they weren't Catholic.  My guess is they were trying for a son, but never admitted it when asked which was probably good for their daughters.  At least half the moms worked outside the home.  Mine did.  We needed the money.  I knew exactly one friend whose mother never worked outside the home who made a cooked lunch every day for her husband to come home.  Not much on the Leave it to Beaver fiction front.  No one carpooled except on rare occasions.  True we didn't have travel sports teams, but I grew up in a small mountain town where extra curricular activities were already very limited.  No, the neighbors didn't all know each other.  I never met the people who lived across the street from our second house or any of the ones on the street behind us. We didn't roam freely all day either.  My mother always knew where I was going, why, and when I'd return. There are apparently many myths about the "good old days."  As the queen said, recollections may vary and some romanticize their childhoods.  

That's my parents' Boomer childhoods as well. They grew up lower and lower-middle class. And they only made it up that high because the women worked outside the home. 4-5 kids was the norm if you weren't strict Catholic (and not toomany were strict Catholic once you got to 5 kids). My mom's friend was one of 10. The house was apparently chaos, and the kids were constantly getting in trouble. My grandma's sister had 8. Her oldest daughter never had kids because she had "already raised 7 kids."

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think religion and region probably played a part in the amount of kids boomers had. My family is extremely WASPy. Both sets of my boomer grandparents had 4 kids. None of their WASPy boomer siblings had more than 4. Growing up, if anyone had a big family of like 6-8, the question was always, “are they catholic?” I think a lot of WASPy people associate big families with being Catholic. I think a lot of boomers probably looked down on huge families. 

[Coconut Flan]

I remember reading the average family had 3 children and that was dropping to 2.5 by the time I was in my teens.  My grandmother had five children and the last one (my father) was a total oops years after his next older sibling.  I think his oldest brother was 20 or nearly 20 when my father was born.  Two brothers had one child, the only daughter had two children, and my father had one.  The brother before my father had three children I think, but I really only remember two daughters. He was in the Army so we didn't see them often.  There may have been a son who was adult on his own by the time my uncle retired and moved back. 

[Lurker]

I grew up in NYC and attended Catholic schools from nursery through grade 12.  In my very small elementary school (grades 1-8, there 1960-1968)  there was one family with 10 kids, one family with 6 kids, most families had 2-4 kids.  Most of the fathers worked as longshoremen, most mothers did not work.  My mother worked as a legal secretary, and I have one sibling.

In high school (grades 9-12, 1968-1972) most families kids were in the 2-4 range, the same girl from elementary school from the family of 10 attended.  Some higher socio-economic level families with some professional level fathers, some mothers worked as teachers, nurses, or secretaries.

 

[OHFL2009]

I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through bachelor's degree, and there were a few families with 5-7 kids, but I've seen a big increase in 5+ kid families among my classmates (now in our mid-late 30s). One family that had 7 kids, the two sisters I was close to have 4 and 5 respectively, but a lot of my classmates who were one of 2 or 3 have 4-6 kids, and many of them don't seem to be done. Three different classmates of mine each have 5 kids and recently moved from typical suburban homes to rural farmstead type places 30-50 miles outside the nearest city (not all the same city). 

Of my high school graduating class of less than 200 people, I can think of at least 10 who have 4 or more kids, most of those have 5 or 6. And while they're all culturally Catholic, most of them aren't the type I thought of as super devout/religious while growing up. 

[Bassett Lady]

I am not Catholic, Mormon, or Fundamentalist. I just always loved  kids and teens and  I always knew I wanted a big family. I always assumed it would be a biological collection of kids, but that didn’t work out the way I had planned. We have been foster parents and adopted two of our foster kids in addition to our three biologicals. 
 

So, we have  five permanent kids and have had dozens for varying lengths of time. I love being a foster mom. I love being a teacher whether high school or college. My husband also loves kids. He has been a true partner in raising the kids. His hobbies as an adult have been coaching sports teams, driving kids to music lessons, dance lessons, and clubs. 
 

When it comes to large families, in the range of the Rocky Mountains most large families were Mormon but when we lived in the east most large families were Roman Catholic.
 

In our current neighborhood one family has five girls. Most families have 2-3 kids. One family has 12 kids, a non-traditional family. They are academic homeschoolers, like us, and have had three National Merit Scholars and have three out of college and two more in college and one at tech school. Both parents are nerdy and their house is just overflowing with books and projects and papers. They were a family of 7 kids and the father’s brother and wife passed away and they adopted all 5 of their kids. They were the only people willing/able to take all 5 kids so they could stay together. They were down to just 2 kids still at home when they added 5 more. They have a big house with 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, but it is still a bit crowded. 
 

They have a big yard and drive a Suburban with a front bench and added a 12 passenger van after adopting the nieces and nephews. 

[AussieKrissy]

1 hour ago, Bassett Lady said:

I am not Catholic, Mormon, or Fundamentalist. I just always loved  kids and teens and  I always knew I wanted a big family. I always assumed it would be a biological collection of kids, but that didn’t work out the way I had planned. We have been foster parents and adopted two of our foster kids in addition to our three biologicals. 
 

So, we have  five permanent kids and have had dozens for varying lengths of time. I love being a foster mom. I love being a teacher whether high school or college. My husband also loves kids. He has been a true partner in raising the kids. His hobbies as an adult have been coaching sports teams, driving kids to music lessons, dance lessons, and clubs. 
 

When it comes to large families, in the range of the Rocky Mountains most large families were Mormon but when we lived in the east most large families were Roman Catholic.
 

In our current neighborhood one family has five girls. Most families have 2-3 kids. One family has 12 kids, a non-traditional family. They are academic homeschoolers, like us, and have had three National Merit Scholars and have three out of college and two more in college and one at tech school. Both parents are nerdy and their house is just overflowing with books and projects and papers. They were a family of 7 kids and the father’s brother and wife passed away and they adopted all 5 of their kids. They were the only people willing/able to take all 5 kids so they could stay together. They were down to just 2 kids still at home when they added 5 more. They have a big house with 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, but it is still a bit crowded. 
 

They have a big yard and drive a Suburban with a front bench and added a 12 passenger van after adopting the nieces and nephews. 

Families like yours and theirs make the world a better place. Thank you for the love you put into the world. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

3 hours ago, OHFL2009 said:

I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through bachelor's degree, and there were a few families with 5-7 kids, but I've seen a big increase in 5+ kid families among my classmates (now in our mid-late 30s). One family that had 7 kids, the two sisters I was close to have 4 and 5 respectively, but a lot of my classmates who were one of 2 or 3 have 4-6 kids, and many of them don't seem to be done. Three different classmates of mine each have 5 kids and recently moved from typical suburban homes to rural farmstead type places 30-50 miles outside the nearest city (not all the same city). 

Of my high school graduating class of less than 200 people, I can think of at least 10 who have 4 or more kids, most of those have 5 or 6. And while they're all culturally Catholic, most of them aren't the type I thought of as super devout/religious while growing up. 

This sounds on par with what's going in Catholicism. It would be my guess that some of these kids who weren't super devout/religious have now become super devout/religious in adulthood. There is a rise of "Trad" Catholics or Catholic fundies. Some of them might just like children, but I would guess most of them are getting more devout. Another explanation would be your old classmates aren't fundie, but their spouses are fundie Catholic.  If you see them again, it would interesting to note how many found religion. 

[Coconut Flan]

Latin mass Catholics at least in SoCal are but a tiny, tiny percentage of Catholics.  San Diego county has one parish and it's small.  Perhaps more fundie areas have a larger percentage.  

[HeartsAFundie]

Went to public school K-12.  During grammar school (K-8) I went to school with kids who came from the following family sizes outside the 2-4 kid norm:

5 kids; 6 kids (all girls); 7 kids; 9 kids; 15 kids; and 19 kids!  The 19-kid family ranged from kids born in the 1940s to the 1960s.  I went to school with #17, #18 and #19, and my 1940-born dad knew #1, #2 and #3!            

[Expectopatronus]

My parents were both born in the early 40’s. In their community, no mothers worked outside the home and when teachers married, they had to quit teaching. There were no daycares in their area and they remember people being horrified by the idea of mothers working. It was likened to Russia where « women go to work in factories and their children are raised by the state » (yes, this was the stereotype that was taught). 
In their neighbourhoods, even toddlers played outside unsupervised and by age 6, my mom took the streetcar, alone, to and from school. Different times, different norms. Was it safer? I doubt it but no one knew about kids being harmed so the perception was that it was safe. 
I am also talking about a smallish city on the Canadian prairies so very different than say, Toronto or Montreal in the 40’s. 

[OHFL2009]

14 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

This sounds on par with what's going in Catholicism. It would be my guess that some of these kids who weren't super devout/religious have now become super devout/religious in adulthood. There is a rise of "Trad" Catholics or Catholic fundies. Some of them might just like children, but I would guess most of them are getting more devout. Another explanation would be your old classmates aren't fundie, but their spouses are fundie Catholic.  If you see them again, it would interesting to note how many found religion. 

I moved away from my home state, so I don't see most of them in person, but I see posts on social media and none of them appear to be outwardly Catholic fundie. Several send their kids to Catholic school, but in the very Catholic city I grew up in, that's not unusual. Even a lot of non-Catholics went to Catholic school simply because there were so many of them. There is pretty much no sign of religion on any of their social media other than their kids being in Catholic school uniforms in the typical first day of school photos or school sports team photos. Social media isn't an all-encompassing look at someone's life, but none of them give the impression they're super devout. 

[gobucks]

23 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

The largest family was five girls and no they weren't Catholic.   

I grew up in a very, very heavily Catholic area so I am guessing that is what colors my views on family size back in those days. 

[Mrs. Kravitz]

17 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

This sounds on par with what's going in Catholicism. It would be my guess that some of these kids who weren't super devout/religious have now become super devout/religious in adulthood. There is a rise of "Trad" Catholics or Catholic fundies. Some of them might just like children, but I would guess most of them are getting more devout. Another explanation would be your old classmates aren't fundie, but their spouses are fundie Catholic.  If you see them again, it would interesting to note how many found religion. 

I know know several female "Trad" Catholics from college (about 15 years ago), and the irony is that most of the ones I know are either not married or married relatively recently because they tend to find the available Trad Catholic males are insufferable as romantic partners. The non-insufferable ones are either already married or they became priests (or a monk, in one case). We're coming up on the last decade or so of our potentailly fertile years, so they're not going to have the "big Catholic family" that some of them talked about like it was a badge of honor.