Ballerina Farm

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 hours ago, BensAllergies said:

I just saw a video where she is opening up her birthday present from him while saying that she hopes it is tickets to Greece. Nope, it’s an egg apron! So she can gather eggs from the chickens.

Not only that, but he says he’s had it for awhile. He could’ve given it to her as a “just because” gift, considering it’s for doing farm chores, but no, he saved it specifically for her bday. 

I don’t mind the fact that it was still in the original packaging that it arrived in. I know people my age - which is the same as their age - who don’t do cards or special bags or wrapping paper due to their impact on the environment. If that is also Hannah’s and Daniel’s arrangement then that is just fine.

The kicker is that he says, “you’re welcome” to remind her to thank him while she is struggling to find words what to say.

Man he’s just the worst. I sent my sister an egg apron for her birthday. But I also don’t come from a billionaire family that could afford a trip to Greece. That many could afford to give her so many breaks. They could hire a nanny but he refuses. So she gets so tired she spends a week in bed. She sounds depressed to me. Like Teri Maxwell. But this guy might be worse than Steve. Because he has the money to help her situation. But he refuses. He’s sick. 

[Howl]

8 hours ago, BensAllergies said:

I just saw a video where she is opening up her birthday present from him while saying that she hopes it is tickets to Greece. Nope, it’s an egg apron! So she can gather eggs from the chickens.

...indicating that she doesn't have the autonomy to set up a trip to Greece.  

Also indicating that he's deeply into the performative rural life fantasy and she's been assigned a part to play. 

[Hane]

@BensAllergies, my daughter lives in New Canaan. (She’s a public school music teacher, and refers to herself as one of the “poor people of New Canaan.”) The level of wealth there isn’t ostentatious, but is mind boggling. The quarter-acre lot next door to her duplex had a ‘50s-era Cape Cod house that was recently torn down to make way for two condos that are selling for $2M apiece.

I had no idea that there was such a significant Mormon cluster there.

[AverageGiraffe]

This woman makes me especially sad. She reminds me a lot of Alyssa Ann (Wakefield) Welch, of the now defunct resolved2worship xanga. A couple of years ago I re-read through the entire thing on the wayback machine, after she did an interview about her abusive marriage, and I see a lot of the same dynamics in this family. I can't put my finger on exactly why this particular woman reminds me of her, and to be fair I haven't consumed any of their content directly, just read the interview article that was posted, but for some reason I feel so sad for her. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

3 hours ago, Howl said:

...indicating that she doesn't have the autonomy to set up a trip to Greece.  

I think that it is highly probable he controls all the money and that she does not have any access to anything. 

A charge account at the grocery store, perhaps a credit card with a low pre-set limit to buy the children clothes/ shoes. But certainly not enough to book a trip to Greece,

I will bet cash money that hubby's mom had household help -- housekeeper, nannies, maybe a cook, gardener, homeschool teacher, etc.  Hannah has no help at all,  which is a great way to control her by controlling every minute of her time. No wonder she ends up in bed for a week exhausted , 

Something about this guy, probably his insistence on her getting pregnant every 9 months, makes me think he's the kind who demands sex daily.

He gives me the creeps.  I wonder if Hannah has the autonomy to disagree with him or to say no to anything no matter how small?

Edited to add:  Daniel's parents are divorced. 

'

Edited July 26 by Red Hair, Black Dress

[BensAllergies]

@HaneThe quantity is not high, for sure, but it is home to a lot of wealthy Mormon families. Or at least was; I know some have moved back to Utah or Idaho. The public schools there are great! Your daughter must be very talented and passionate about her profession.

 

I would be surprised if there are physical barriers to Hannah’s autonomy. I think she has credit cards and can technically charge what she wants. The constraints are going to be more cultural with a side of possible emotional manipulation by her husband. The pressure to be perfect - coming from her dancer discipline, religious upbringing, social media presence, and her husband - has got to be overwhelming.

Spoiler

One more personal input and then I’ll stop yapping about it. But I was telling my husband about the article last night and how it made Daniel look like a controlling jerk, and he reminded me that he ran into Daniel many years ago, even years before we moved to CT. The only reason he remembers him is because everyone else was talking about how he was the son of a billionaire and had flown there in first class. My husband described him as very Peter Priesthood, aka “letter of the law” kind of guy. Of course, this was when they were 19 so who knows what kind of person he is now regarding rules in Mormon land. Goodness knows how much of a Molly Mormon I was at age 19 and how much I’ve relaxed since then.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, BensAllergies said:

@HaneThe quantity is not high, for sure, but it is home to a lot of wealthy Mormon families. Or at least was; I know some have moved back to Utah or Idaho. The public schools there are great! Your daughter must be very talented and passionate about her profession.

 

I would be surprised if there are physical barriers to Hannah’s autonomy. I think she has credit cards and can technically charge what she wants. The constraints are going to be more cultural with a side of possible emotional manipulation by her husband. The pressure to be perfect - coming from her dancer discipline, religious upbringing, social media presence, and her husband - has got to be overwhelming.

  Hide contents

One more personal input and then I’ll stop yapping about it. But I was telling my husband about the article last night and how it made Daniel look like a controlling jerk, and he reminded me that he ran into Daniel many years ago, even years before we moved to CT. The only reason he remembers him is because everyone else was talking about how he was the son of a billionaire and had flown there in first class. My husband described him as very Peter Priesthood, aka “letter of the law” kind of guy. Of course, this was when they were 19 so who knows what kind of person he is now regarding rules in Mormon land. Goodness knows how much of a Molly Mormon I was at age 19 and how much I’ve relaxed since then.

 

Oh I’m sure she has access to credit cards. But I would be she can only buy stuff that he thinks fits their “homestead” life. Therefore she can buy a $30,000 stove that looks like it’s out of Little House on the Prairie. But she couldn’t buy an ultra modern $30,000 sofa that looks like it belongs on the set of the Jetsons. 

[Jasmar]

23 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’ve pointed that out before but republicans don’t want to hear it. Because punishment is what is always deserved in these types of situations. No help to anyone. They glorify struggle. As if it always leads to wonderful better lives. When really most of the time struggle leads to childhood trauma for many children.

Heck, JD Vance has built a whole political career on this nonsense. It’s really disheartening.

[Ozlsn]

6 hours ago, AverageGiraffe said:

This woman makes me especially sad. She reminds me a lot of Alyssa Ann (Wakefield) Welch, of the now defunct resolved2worship xanga. A couple of years ago I re-read through the entire thing on the wayback machine, after she did an interview about her abusive marriage, and I see a lot of the same dynamics in this family. I can't put my finger on exactly why this particular woman reminds me of her, and to be fair I haven't consumed any of their content directly, just read the interview article that was posted, but for some reason I feel so sad for her. 

It reads like at the very least an extremely controlling relationship and I would say abusive. The egg apron could have been a funny gift - if tickets to Greece were in the front pocket. If they weren't they were just an on camera reminder to her that she is subservient to his desires and that he is in control.

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Oh I’m sure she has access to credit cards. But I would be she can only buy stuff that he thinks fits their “homestead” life.

It wouldn't surprise me if they're set up so he has to approve any transaction to be honest. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

There was a post on social media talking about this recent interview with Ballerina Farm and asking what people think about some of the things in it. So many commenters were like, “it’s her business! It’s not your life so why do you care?” This is the type of thing that bugs me to no end. Ballerina Farm posts their lives willingly! They post their children’s lives! Of course people will speculate and care! If they didn’t put their lives all over social media none of us would know anything about them. 

[Xan]

The egg apron is a deal breaker for me.  That was just an insult.  "You think you deserve a gift?  I'll show you your place!"

And I'm a little bit tired of the social media scolds.  If they didn't put their lives on the internet, we wouldn't have opinions.  They did so we do.  If most of us think that he's a bully, he probably is.  I guess it's another case of the husband being so full of himself that he was sure the interview would show him in a good light.  It didn't.

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

So many commenters were like, “it’s her business! It’s not your life so why do you care?”

This annoys me because it stops people reaching out. It used to be the excuse to not investigate or prosecute domestic and family violence - it's their business, it's private, don't ask questions, what happens out of sight is no one's business but theirs. Except that makes it harder for people to escape abusive relationships, and when people are too scared to even tell anyone their only recourse can become people asking questions and making reports. Coercive control is not always well understood but is abusive.

As you said firstly this is their public business - they put it on social media, they choose to agree to interviews with mainstream media, they undoubtedly make money through clicks and product placement.

Even if they didn't put it all out there though - the hospital staff should be (and hopefully are) asking her privately if she is OK, giving her information, and making notes. The epidural discussion to me is - if accurate - a really concerning indicator. Her being pregnant again within a short time of giving birth is by itself not necessarily an issue, but the consistency of it happening is possibly an indication of issues (and not great for her from a health perspective either). 

"It's not your life so why do you care?" - if she looked happy, and wasn't whispering about the one epidural she's had, and there were tickets to Greece in the pocket, then I wouldn't care. But when things are raising flags and questions for me then I care because even rich women and children deserve to live without fear, and to be able to make autonomous decisions about their body. And I'd rather the questions were raised than find out later they spent years cowering in fear, too afraid to even look for a way out.

[anachronistic]

I think that she is doing the best that she can. Like apparently she insist on being a part of all of the businesses. And they hire someone to homeschool the kids. But she also comes across as incredibly sad and putting aside her dreams for everyone else, like how the building that she wanted to turn into a ballet studio on the farm was turned into something else, I think the homeschool room? She is sad enough that she is whispering dreams to a reporter and the dreams are such ordinary, achievable things like a freaking epidural. I'd like to see that big man baby give birth without one. He would be singing, or rather screaming, a different tune real fast.

[Hane]

On 7/26/2024 at 3:34 PM, BensAllergies said:

@HaneThe quantity is not high, for sure, but it is home to a lot of wealthy Mormon families. Or at least was; I know some have moved back to Utah or Idaho. The public schools there are great! Your daughter must be very talented and passionate about her profession.

Definitely true about the quality of New Canaan public schools. My grandson is about to be a senior in high school, and is killing it in extremely challenging AP classes, and recently got an offer of a $75K incentive to a college he hadn’t even approached. (We don’t know where we got him. The rest of us are STEM-idiots.)

My daughter doesn’t teach in New Canaan, but in that reeking cesspit known as…Greenwich, where the surnames of her students show up on corporate buildings and school vacation weeks are sacrosanct because of Rich Families’ Vacation Schedules.

[FilleMondaine]

Mormonism is structured to support husband’s mistreatment of their wives. Women can’t go to heaven if they haven’t pleased their husbands. My family left Mormonism a century ago. Thank god!

[Hane]

4 hours ago, FilleMondaine said:

Mormonism is structured to support husband’s mistreatment of their wives. Women can’t go to heaven if they haven’t pleased their husbands. My family left Mormonism a century ago. Thank god!

And a Mormon literary cannot get into the VIP section of heaven without being heterosexually married in a Mormon temple. To do this, both spouses must be Mormons judged “worthy” by agreeing to wear special undergarments 24/7, to avoid coffee/tea/alcohol, and pledge 10% of their income to the church.  

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I grew up in CT and live there now as an adult - moved away for grad school - and I had no idea about New Caanan.  That whole section of CT is generally considered a wealthy suburb of NYC by the rest of us anyway.  I read an article some years ago about the richest cities in the US and the cities with the highest povery level and was sad to see several CT cities made both lists.

ETA: not the same cities on both lists, but we're such a small state with such a big divide in the haves and have nots.

Edited July 30 by GuineaPigCourtship

[Hane]

@GuineaPigCourtship, the income disparity in Connecticut is a sad truth, and is getting worse and worse, not only town to town but within different parts of the same town. I’ve been living in the same central blue collar town since 1955, and have noticed this since I was old enough to pay attention.

[Howl]

I just can't stop thinking about this woman. Too many babies way too fast.   So many red flags. 

There's just something about the husband that makes me think he has a parallel life. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, Howl said:

I just can't stop thinking about this woman. Too many babies way too fast.   So many red flags. 

There's just something about the husband that makes me think he has a parallel life. 

I think what bothers me about the extreme amount of attention is partly because they are rich. I’m glad people are questioning the trad wife phenomena. But it reminds me of when Paris Hilton started speaking out against the troubled teen industry. She’s rich and famous so people listened. But there had been so many articles about the industry for years. Yet it took Paris to really get some traction going. I do think Hannah is in a marriage that is unequal and yet, there are millions of marriages that are unequal. I think a lot of people are just surprised you can be rich and in a controlling marriage. 

[Melissa1977]

A husband forcing his wife to have an unmedicated birth is a huge red flag! He isn't the one pushing, so he should shut up! A husband controlling the birth process and taking decisions against the MOTHER wishes? Doctors should have protected her.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

3 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

A husband forcing his wife to have an unmedicated birth is a huge red flag! He isn't the one pushing, so he should shut up! A husband controlling the birth process and taking decisions against the MOTHER wishes? Doctors should have protected her.

It's not just unmedicated. She describes home birth as "quiet". This makes me think that either he won't let her scream or she feels guilty screaming in case the other children hear.

Scientology has a whole thing about silent birth (link to wikipedia). 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Ballerina Farm mother made a response post saying she and her husband are equals and that writer did a hatchet job.  It didn't sound to me like the writer did a hatchet job, it sounded like she wrote what she saw and the couple told her. 

[hoipolloi]

6 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Ballerina Farm mother made a response post saying she and her husband are equals and that writer did a hatchet job.

It's not a convincing rebuttal. My first thought was that her husband made her do it.

Homeboy was probably enraged by the massive blowback after the article appeared. He probably thinks he's wonderful and is incensed that many others see him as the terrible human being portrayed in the article. Goes to show you that all the money in the world can't gild a turd like him. 

[Smee]

There are SO MANY red flags for abuse here. It's classic coercive control - the whirlwind romance and fast marriage, moving away from family and support networks, keeping her perpetually pregnant and exhausted. She's trapped. Their wealth doesn't make her less trapped, or more able to say no to him. 

On 7/31/2024 at 7:58 AM, Melissa1977 said:

A husband forcing his wife to have an unmedicated birth is a huge red flag! He isn't the one pushing, so he should shut up! A husband controlling the birth process and taking decisions against the MOTHER wishes? Doctors should have protected her.

Do they have doctors in attendance at these home births? Or is that another way to make sure no one is looking out for her?