Tia Levings: A Well-Trained Wife (new book)

[shesinsane]

I'm about 4 hours into her audiobook and at times it feels like the list of Quiver Full of Snark discussion topics. Sproul, Pearl, Maxwell, Gothard, and others have all been mentioned.

Levings does a great job of telling how she slid into fundiedom, she found (or was found by) some IBLP women who knew how to reel her in. No one said "you need to start blanket training", but rather she observed a toddler who sat quietly on a blanket without crawling anywhere and "Judith" ran with it. 

Quote

[Judith] handed me To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debbie Pearl. "I buy these in bulk to hand out," she said, "it'll teach you how to correct your children." This was the book that taught blanket training. 

 

[libgirl2]

On 8/16/2024 at 8:19 AM, Howl said:

Just checked my library

• 35 holds on 1 e-book  
• 44 holds on 2 audiobooks
• The book is on order; 16 holds on 6 copies

I believe it's also available on Libby with significant waits. 

my library (consortium) has 5 copies on order with 4 holds. 6 e and 7 e-audiobooks on Libby. No holds. 

[Howl]

I think this book is getting good coverage and whoever is publishing it has her on the author/book signing circuit.  

[DJ1234]

Just finished the book.  Levings is an excellent memoirist and I really appreciated her writing style.  She outlines well her (via her husband's) slide deeper and deeper into toxic fundamentalism and the ways it exploits and abuses women.  She strikes an effective balance of telling a whole heck of a lot, while also shielding vulnerable people, particularly her children. We know they were traumatized, but don't know intimate details of their stories, particularly as they age.  I appreciated that.  
 

I, too, disagreed with the "universe will catch you" ending.  I am so very glad the universe caught her and she is thriving.  For some us, the catching is a little more nuanced and complicated.

[Coconut Flan]

My last post on Aug 16 was a 15 week wait and today it's already down to 9 weeks.

[Howl]

Tia Levings ode to her dog Georgia on Nat'l Dog Day:  "Georgia would like you know it ain’t easy being a writer’s dog. Much easier to be the writer’s cat, sleeping by the laptop all day. A few items were left off the job listing.

The writer’s dog must listen to Problems. License may or may not include therapy. There is also the guarding of the castle, especially from the UPS person who keeps bringing Mom boxes. The writer’s dog has Thoughts, and the humans might not ask for them, so they must be barked in the special language.

At any given moment (must remain on alert) the new Dad might say “Georgia, want to go on a…?” And Mom will say, “W-A-L-K” as if a writer’s dog can’t spell.” 🙄🐶

When the dog’s writer makes the New York Times Bestseller list for the book she’s been writing your whole life, things will get confusing. Jumping. Crying. Laughing. Is this a game? A drill? Whatever, just join in, cuz there are lots of HUGS and hugs are kinda like treats but less beefy and Mom earned every single one.

Happy National Dog Day, Georgia Bean. You’re the best writer’s dog ever 🐶❤️🐶❤️🐶❤️"

[hoipolloi]

4 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

My last post on Aug 16 was a 15 week wait and today it's already down to 9 weeks.

Looking forward to reading it. Iʻve got about 6 weeks - 3rd in line for one copy. 

Iʻm just glad my library system purchased it. I have recommended a number of exvangelical titles & memoirs but not all of them make the cut.

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

On 8/10/2024 at 12:57 AM, indianabones said:

Totally BEC, I know, but did it bother anyone else that she named her eldest son William and her youngest Liam?

I’m not sure if it’s better or worse that these are pseudonyms. On one hand, at least they didn’t really name their kids that, but on the other, you could have picked any names in the world, and how did that get past an editor? 
 

I agree that it is absolutely a book worth reading, all fictitious names aside. I follow Tia on Instagram but I think I’m going to have to look into some podcasts and such to hear her speak more. 

Edited August 28 by AnnEggBlandHer?
Double post

[GreenBeans]

On 8/8/2024 at 2:26 PM, Caroline said:

For my retirement I specifically said, "No gifts please!".  So my friends, who paid no attention to my request,gave me hundreds of dollars in Barnes and Noble gift cards.  Great friends/poor listeners🙂  Anyway, I'll be buying this book.

If you have more gift cards than you can use, you could check if there’s a local charity encouraging children to read (especially those who may not grow up in a home full of books) and donate some gift cards to them to use for these kids.

[SweetLaurel]

14 minutes ago, GreenBeans said:

If you have more gift cards than you can use,

What are these 'more money than you can spend at a book store' words?? I am totally confused.   

[indianabones]

14 hours ago, AnnEggBlandHer? said:

I’m not sure if it’s better or worse that these are pseudonyms. On one hand, at least they didn’t really name their kids that, but on the other, you could have picked any names in the world, and how did that get past an editor?

I didn't realize they were pseudonyms. That makes me feel better!

[Ashley Ocean]

I wasn't going to read this book, but I changed my mind. One of my favorite podcasts, Digging Up the Duggars, did a deep dive on it and the book sounds fascinating and well written. I'm ordering it today. 

[libgirl2]

On 8/27/2024 at 8:40 PM, hoipolloi said:

Iʻm just glad my library system purchased it. I have recommended a number of exvangelical titles & memoirs but not all of them make the cut.

I work at a library and if you are in our district, we pretty much buy anything you ask for as long as it is new or there are no libraries in the US that own it. We are very generous. We bought a DVD about exercising to the Rosary! 

[hoipolloi]

10 hours ago, libgirl2 said:

We are very generous.

And you are good people. Librarians rock. 

Re: requests. I am actually amazed at how many of my requests have been fulfilled. Of course, others may be asking for the same titles but I am overall very happy with my public library system. 

[libgirl2]

3 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

And you are good people. Librarians rock. 

Re: requests. I am actually amazed at how many of my requests have been fulfilled. Of course, others may be asking for the same titles but I am overall very happy with my public library system. 

I do Interlibrary Loan and get materials from all over the country. It is really neat to see what people like to read or watch. The only thing we don't do is get textbooks. It was always a challenge getting them back, sometimes we didn't. In 2010, a patron kept one for a whole semester, returned it and only had to pay a $5 fee. Meanwhile, the library billed us. I heard the patron say how he could keep textbooks as long as he wanted and only pay the $5 fee! WE stopped right after that. 

[Stephanie66]

On 8/9/2024 at 11:57 PM, indianabones said:

Totally BEC, I know, but did it bother anyone else that she named her eldest son William and her youngest Liam?

YES!! It's the SAME NAME!! I'm glad the third boy got his own name.

[smittykins]

On 8/10/2024 at 3:36 PM, Jasmar said:

I mostly loved the book. Her writing is some of the best I’ve read, especially with memoirs. But a couple of things left me feeling a little ambivalent.

First, (tw for animal abuse) 

Second, the ending chapter or two. She insists, several times, that when you’re ready to rescue yourself, the universe will catch you. No. Not, it will not. If you’re lucky to have family and friends, internet friends, a supportive faith community: those people will catch you. Maybe. If you’re lucky. For those of us without those things? Let me just give my own experience real quick: you’ll, be ten years free, still living with a constantly hyperactivated nervous system because you’re now disabled, two of your three kids are now disabled, you’re only remaining off the streets because of the intermittent kindness of one old friend… I could go on, but I don’t really want this to be about me, I just wanted to show by example. And there have been thousands of women and children who weren’t even as lucky as I’ve been

So I have mixed feelings. I really hate the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” message when no one really does that. They escape and recover with help, help that many, many people do not have access to.

Re the animal abuse, it reminded me of I Fired God.  I’ve had the ebook on my iPad for probably more than a year, but never got around to reading it.  I finally tried a few months ago, and it starts with a recollection of horrific animal cruelty, and I just couldn’t get past that.

[Mama Mia]

On 9/8/2024 at 12:44 PM, Stephanie66 said:

YES!! It's the SAME NAME!! I'm glad the third boy got his own name.

I am a woman of mature years, in the US, and I had no idea they were the same name until a couple months ago, reading here. 🫣 I just never made the connection. I knew Liam Neeson, of course, but  . I don’t recall knowing any Liam’s that I met growing up, or while my kids were young, or while I was working. I thought it was a stand alone Irish name that had recently become popular for young boys. It’s so obvious once someone mentioned it though. 

[FiveAcres]

54 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

I am a woman of mature years, in the US, and I had no idea they were the same name until a couple months ago, reading here. 🫣 I just never made the connection. I knew Liam Neeson, of course, but  . I don’t recall knowing any Liam’s that I met growing up, or while my kids were young, or while I was working. I thought it was a stand alone Irish name that had recently become popular for young boys. It’s so obvious once someone mentioned it though. 

I married into an Irish American family and one of my grand-nephews is a Liam.

[Jasmar]

3 hours ago, smittykins said:

Re the animal abuse, it reminded me of I Fired God.  I’ve had the ebook on my iPad for probably more than a year, but never got around to reading it.  I finally tried a few months ago, and it starts with a recollection of horrific animal cruelty, and I just couldn’t get past that.

Ugh, I’m glad you said that. I’ve been wanting to read that one for awhile but had forgotten about it. I’ll probably just skip it now. I can handle a lot in terms of memoirs, but animal cruelty is a hard stop for me. Just too much.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I Fired God is a very powerful book but the abuse - animal and child - is hard.  I read it before I had kids and I absolutely couldn't read it now.

[LongTimeLurkerOG]

I read Jessica Willis Fisher's memoir. Very good, but very difficult; she does give the TW page #s so that would be helpful for some people. I watched the show when it was on. Did think the dad and some things were "off," but when it all came out. Disgusting. This was also before I learned first hand how it probably kinda was for the mom, being a victim too. (Blanking on all the specifics rtn, but DV for one, I think). You just really don't know until you've been through it. I think there was a fj thread at one point. Willis clan; friggin TLC. I need to look up the book title. Glad the dad is in prison for a long time. 

ETA:

Unspeakable: Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice

Also, unrelated to any of these, Jennifer Lauck has a few memoirs. 

Edited September 14 by LongTimeLurkerOG
Added book title

[Smee]

On 9/6/2024 at 8:28 PM, libgirl2 said:

I do Interlibrary Loan and get materials from all over the country. It is really neat to see what people like to read or watch. The only thing we don't do is get textbooks. It was always a challenge getting them back, sometimes we didn't. In 2010, a patron kept one for a whole semester, returned it and only had to pay a $5 fee. Meanwhile, the library billed us. I heard the patron say how he could keep textbooks as long as he wanted and only pay the $5 fee! WE stopped right after that. 

Hello there from another library worker! I'm in what is technically a "regional" library system (i.e. not in a major city, even though we're quite close to one) and one of my favourite things is multicultural bulk loans for immigrant families - we can get a box of 20 books at a time sent for free from the state library, in whatever foreign language the patron speaks. It's so cool seeing how famous titles translate or learning the dutch word for unicorn (eenhorn) from a picture book.

I don't work in acquisitions but usually they're pretty good with requests as long as the title is quite recent.

[LongTimeLurkerOG]

7 hours ago, Smee said:

Hello there from another library worker! I'm in what is technically a "regional" library system (i.e. not in a major city, even though we're quite close to one) and one of my favourite things is multicultural bulk loans for immigrant families - we can get a box of 20 books at a time sent for free from the state library, in whatever foreign language the patron speaks. It's so cool seeing how famous titles translate or learning the dutch word for unicorn (eenhorn) from a picture book.

I don't work in acquisitions but usually they're pretty good with requests as long as the title is quite recent.

You guys probably maybe picked up on it, librarian here 🙂 not working in libraries now but love my transferrable skills, quasi-related job! Lol 🙂 Stay safe and sane, guys! 

[hoipolloi]

My number came up on the library list & I finished it today. 

On 8/10/2024 at 9:36 AM, Jasmar said:

She insists, several times, that when you’re ready to rescue yourself, the universe will catch you. No. Not, it will not. If you’re lucky to have family and friends, internet friends, a supportive faith community: those people will catch you. Maybe. If you’re lucky.

All this. I suspect that part of this notion is coming from Eat, Pray, Love, a book that Levings apparently thought was wonderful but I personally could not stand. There is an also element of the Desiderata in Levings' conclusions. Either way, I thought it was one of the weakest elements in the book and, yeah, luck + available resources plays a bigger role than Levings admits. 

That criticism aside, it was an astounding portrayal of life inside some of the biggest fundie groups - SBC to IBLP to VF to Spanky Sproul to Wilson & CREC. I had read of other exvangelicals who belonged to more than one of these entities but she or perhaps her 1st husband managed to go through all of them in a fairly short period of time from what I can figure, mid-1990s to mid-2000s.