Tia Levings: A Well-Trained Wife (new book)

[Caroline]

I'm finally reading this book even though I bought it a few months ago. I'm about 3/4 of the way through it, and I can't believe the suffering of all kinds that this woman endured. And her husband is really a lunatic. I'm not at the end yet, but I'm guessing that she's not with him any more! 

The saddest part to me is that she was not taught the value and need for agency over her own body and mind. It's a horrifying life she lived with seemingly no choices. I can't imagine it. I'm so glad I was raised in a very mediocre religious environment with the freedom to leave it behind if I chose to. Also: Formal education is the answer to so much of what she went through. 

[Howl]

On 10/3/2024 at 6:20 PM, Caroline said:

And her husband is really a lunatic. I'm not at the end yet, but I'm guessing that she's not with him any more! 

Yes, at some point (6 kids into it, IIRC) she realized she had to leave to survive. From her web site:  "As I became more independent and healthy, high-control religion and domestic abuse tightened their grip. My husband became more erratic and dangerous. In October of 2007, things came to a violent head and I narrowly escaped with my children in the middle of the night. 

What followed was a long road to freedom and healing. Ten years of trauma therapy. Five years of faith deconstruction. Becoming a single parent; falling in love. Raising four children with my village. Developing a career. Finding, and then using, my voice. Learning how to step out of the shadows so that I could shine."

On 10/3/2024 at 6:20 PM, Caroline said:

The saddest part to me is that she was not taught the value and need for agency over her own body and mind. It's a horrifying life she lived with seemingly no choices.

This is the definition of Christian fundamentalist patriarchy -- women are to be submissive - so yes, zero agency over body and mind. 

[Caroline]

My daughter lives and works in a city about an hour from us. She's 27 and has been on her own since she graduated from college and graduate school. She has always worked to contribute to her education and pay her own bills. She is competent, confident and mature in every way. She and a friend went to a talk given by a well-known writer who is now in her 80s. She explained that she wasn't able to begin writing seriously until her late 30s because she married young and started having children right away. She explained that those were society's expectations and that if she was a young person today she would have done things differently.

My daughter knows that women of previous generations didn't have the options and privileges that she has had. We made sure she didn't take her education for granted because, in my opinion, a good formal education is often the key to everything. (It definitely was for me and friends of mine who grew up in poor circumstances.) I told her I was reading Tia Levings' book. She knows I have a Fundie obsession, and we often joke about it.(She's quite familiar with Jill Rodrigues, for example, and always wants to know the latest Jill scandal.) We talked about how really disturbing it is that some women, like Tia, in their own way choose that lifestyle even though it means they will have not choices in their lives.  I know Tia was raised in a certain religious atmosphere, but the larger society still seemed within her reach. I also know how frightening it must be to contemplate leaving a bad situation when you don't have money and support and your confidence has been battered as well as your body. So I'm not criticizing why Tia stayed with her abuser for so long. But I am so glad she saw her worth and got out of that mess.

 If my daughter ever brought home a young man of the fundamentalist christian persuasion there would be big trouble! 

 

[Coconut Flan]

The book became available to me yesterday and I let it pass to the next person in line.  It will come back to me when that person returns it.  I'm not at all sure I should be reading this one.  The Andersons seem to be bringing enough memories back and I don't need that.  I haven't watched any Anderson videos and have no plans to watch any.