You Were Right About My Family (The Longs)

[Unquivering01]

I’m Haley Ramm, (formerly Haley Long). It has been awhile since my family really made waves since our hay-days during our more active blogging years (Treasures from a Shoebox, and The Long Way To Go, as well as my personal blog), and hopefully some of you still remember my family otherwise this topic is fruitless and pointless. 😂 

 

I am creating this topic to share a few things I think are relevant for you all to know. 

 

1. You all were right about my family. A few of my sisters and I have recently read through every topic we could find related to our family posted over the years and as we read through the content we were amused and horrified. Amused at the abrasiveness and hilarious comments made (seriously you have no idea how many much-needed laughs you have provided us with). But also horrified and honestly amazed at how accurately you assessed our family, and more importantly my parents, Terry and Cheryl Long. 
 

There was some confusion expressed over their behaviors and why they did the things they did and I would like to briefly explain that.
My dad (Terry Long) was a narcissist and a sadomasochist. The narcissist part he was made aware of, but I don’t think he realized he was a sadomasochist. There is evidence of this sprinkled throughout the memories of my childhood, corroborated by other siblings as well. I don’t know how else you can beat your many children on a weekly basis without something driving it…

My mom, (Cheryl Long) is a covert narcissist, has undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder and undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder as well. I believe these have developed due to her horrendous amounts of trauma she has endured throughout her life. 
 

Over the years there has been an overwhelming amount of sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and medical abuse. 
 

My family was in the cult of ATI (IBLP) and that led to a LOT of harmful behaviors and practices in my home. 
 

After discussing with a family friend from my childhood years I have learned that their version of corporal punishment was one of their own twisted practices. Reinforced from other materials such as Michael and Debbie Pearl and Doorposts, but the exact abuse they carried out was one of their own making. It didn’t start out that way, but devolved and worsened over the years. 
That was separate from the times when dad would lose his mind in a rage and just all out beat a child, which happened to me and a few other siblings over the years (as recent as 2018 when Reagan and I threatened my mom with involving the police if she still refused to take action). 
 

I do plan on releasing a video later this week going in to much gruesome detail about my entire story and how I ultimately came out the other side of my PTSD and C-PTSD. 
 

2. Thank you. Thank you to those who actually posted comments on the blogs trying to point things out, bring things to my mom’s attention. You were some of the only people who actually tried to attempt to help us back then. I know my mom deleted them all and she frequently forbade us from reading the topics on this forum and I think it is because she was afraid we would learn the truth about her. Reading your assessments about my parents and the disturbing things (my covenant ceremony, the foot rubbing…🤮 among many, many others) was extremely helpful to me and a couple of my sisters as we all woke up to the harsh reality of our family’s disturbing cult-like enmeshment and the abuse we have endured throughout the years. We didn’t feel so crazy when reading outsiders comments and realizing they were the truth! Honestly, it was comforting and brought a measure of healing in a way knowing we weren’t alone. So thank you. Thank you very much. 
 

3. To bring much needed attention. 
As I mentioned before, I am releasing a detailed video of my story growing up, sprinkled with audio recordings from a couple other people, including some from the pastor who has been involved with my family from the very beginning, Michael Johnson. I think it is time the public know the truth about this family who has held tight to their “Christian” testimony for several decades now. It’s ugly, it is horrifying, and it is downright criminal. I also need help bringing about justice in some way. My husband (Reagan Ramm) and I have tried everything through the proper channels (police, CPS, counseling, local church) and have been met with dead end after dead end. This is our last resort. We are at our wits end. 
 

 

Thank you for taking the time to read through this and I look forward to sharing my video with you soon if you want to watch it. 😊

[hoipolloi]

Welcome, Haley. Before going much farther, would you please verify your ID with @nelliebelle1197, one of our admins?

Thank you. 

 

[Unquivering01]

3 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Welcome, Haley. Before going much farther, would you please verify your ID with @nelliebelle1197, one of our admins?

Thank you. 

 

Yes, I can do that! 

[Unquivering01]

One way I know I can verify that this is really me: 

 

 

And this is probably less verification, but Reagan and I wrote a song beginning to talk about some of this: 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Welcome and thank you for your post! 

Edited August 27 by JermajestyDuggar

[Caroline]

I'm so sorry your childhood was so painful and I'm glad you're figuring it all out. Is your husband of the same background?

I've always assumed that there's at least a touch of narcissism in anyone who posts so much online about the secret to a perfect life. I'm glad you're able to tell your story. It will definitely help others raised as you were.  

[Unquivering01]

28 minutes ago, Caroline said:

I'm so sorry your childhood was so painful and I'm glad you're figuring it all out. Is your husband of the same background?

I've always assumed that there's at least a touch of narcissism in anyone who posts so much online about the secret to a perfect life. I'm glad you're able to tell your story. It will definitely help others raised as you were.  

Thank you so much! Yes, I’m determined to stop the cycle of abuse. 
Not exactly, my husband, Reagan, was raised in a much healthier Christian home. We basically had different circles of “Christianity”. My family was deeply entrenched in the Purity Culture, and he was not. My family did ATI, his did not. He was actually the first person to be able to point out the abuse as we got to know each other while engaged. The more I remembered the more he was able to identify what it was. 
 

And yes! Speaking out is so powerful, albeit terrifying, but the cycle of shaming silence has to stop. I know too many who were raised similarly. 

[fundiefollower]

Hi Haley - Thanks for posting and sharing. I've been following your family since the Treasures from a Shoebox days up until now, following your mom on FB through your dads passing.  I've wondered about several of you girls who seem to have distanced yourselves and your families from the family a bit.  Looking forward to hearing what you want to share.

 

I had no idea of the abuse or at least the extent of it, of course, but I always thought it was weird that your mom often looks so angry or sad.  As someone who professes such happiness and peace, she rarely looks happy in pics.  

 

I saw that your brother was recently at a ILBP "man" camp in TX, so it appears your mom and the younger kids are still steeped in the beliefs.  How were they able to adopt Sabrina with all of the abuse? No one spoke up?

[Unquivering01]

6 minutes ago, fundiefollower said:

Hi Haley - Thanks for posting and sharing. I've been following your family since the Treasures from a Shoebox days up until now, following your mom on FB through your dads passing.  I've wondered about several of you girls who seem to have distanced yourselves and your families from the family a bit.  Looking forward to hearing what you want to share.

 

I had no idea of the abuse or at least the extent of it, of course, but I always thought it was weird that your mom often looks so angry or sad.  As someone who professes such happiness and peace, she rarely looks happy in pics.  

 

I saw that your brother was recently at a ILBP "man" camp in TX, so it appears your mom and the younger kids are still steeped in the beliefs.  How were they able to adopt Sabrina with all of the abuse? No one spoke up?

Haha. Sorry for the laughing, but yes, the contradiction of my mom’s expressions and her words…a constant mystery to many. But her resting face tells the truth, even though she can’t admit it. 
 

sadly, yes, the two youngest still at home, Michael and Sabrina are still heavily steeped in the cult as a result of my mom who refuses to acknowledge that it is harmful. Yes, Michael was sent to an IBLP camp on account of some alarming/ dangerous behaviors. The siblings stepped in last summer in an intervention to try to get Destiny, Sabrina and Michael removed as there was abuse happening between the three, as well as from both parents. We were successful in getting Destiny out of there, and Sabrina was removed for several months, but due to lying from other siblings who were less on board, the CPS investigation that took place during that time closed without them deeming it unsafe for her to return to live with our mom who has forced her to return home to finish out her last year of school. 
 

as to how we were able to adopt Sabrina with all the abuse, the simplest answer: lies. 
The more complicated one: we didn’t realize the full extent of the abuse until we were able to leave the house and be married. We had never talked with any others outside the home about what was going on. We tried, several times over the years but we were constantly shamed back into silence by the people we told. Also, the constant gaslighting making you think you were the crazy one was daily. So when the social worker came to question us during the adoption process we were all threatened into silence. We were not to mention anything about the spanking and Sabrina better say she was happy there or else. We did as were told. Standing up got you in a LOAD of trouble. 
 

It deeply saddens me…

[SisterCupcake]

I wish there was a WOAH! reaction! Welcome Haley, your family fascinated me because I grew up in SW Ohio and so you were somewhat close to me. I always read the blogs/social media and viewed your parents as really uneducated, but I had no idea all of the underlying stuff. I'm glad you've disentangled yourself and are happier and healthier for it.

Edited August 27 by SisterCupcake
Spelling mistake

[fundiefollower]

Also, if you are willing/able to share, I'd love an update about your sister Emily's health.  I pray she is receiving good medical care.  When I read the story of all she had gone through prior to going to see an actual doctor and being diagnosed with cancer it made me so sad.  So many red flags in her story that should have prompted earlier intervention.

[Bassett Lady]

Haley, welcome to this forum.

I have so many questions bubbling about my mind, but I don’t want to inundate you with queries. 
 

I am looking forward to hearing you tell your story in as much, or as little, detail as is beneficial for you to share. 
 

When I examine and contemplate fundamentalist families I am always struck by the impossible circumstances that the children face. The educational neglect, social isolation, physical abuse, psychological terror, and religious extremism combine in such a way that escaping, especially for daughters, seems almost impossible. 
 

I am deeply grateful that you eventually escaped. I am thankful that you have had the encouragement and support to be able to begin understanding the full extent of your family trauma.  
 

Hearing that you did reach out, through the years, and were shamed back into silence by those you confided in is heartbreaking. I am so thankful you kept chipping away at the chains that bound you and kept telling the truth until someone listened. You must have incredible inner fortitude and resilience. 

I am so proud of you and how far you have come over such daunting obstacles. 

[Unquivering01]

11 hours ago, SisterCupcake said:

I wish there was a WOAH! reaction! Welcome Haley, your family fascinated me because I grew up in SW Ohio and so you were somewhat close to me. I always read the blogs/social media and viewed your parents as really uneducated, but I had no idea all of the underlying stuff. I'm glad you've disentangled yourself and are happier and healthier for it.

Oh wow!! That is close! 
Yes, sadly, the uneducated assumption is not exaggerated…however I think even uneducated people have probably been kinder to their children. 
 

I have to say getting married probably saved my life.

10 hours ago, fundiefollower said:

Also, if you are willing/able to share, I'd love an update about your sister Emily's health.  I pray she is receiving good medical care.  When I read the story of all she had gone through prior to going to see an actual doctor and being diagnosed with cancer it made me so sad.  So many red flags in her story that should have prompted earlier intervention.

Absolutely! Last I heard (I have been blacklisted by the family save for two siblings, and only recently began communicating with Emily within the last two weeks) she had her port removed as she no longer needs treatment as they were able to say that her cancer was completely gone. They have to wait five years before declaring her cancer free. 
 

yes, sadly, despite our desperate promptings in the years leading up to her cancer she was afraid of doctors (instilled by our mom). 

[Unquivering01]

10 hours ago, Bassett Lady said:

Haley, welcome to this forum.

I have so many questions bubbling about my mind, but I don’t want to inundate you with queries. 
 

I am looking forward to hearing you tell your story in as much, or as little, detail as is beneficial for you to share. 
 

When I examine and contemplate fundamentalist families I am always struck by the impossible circumstances that the children face. The educational neglect, social isolation, physical abuse, psychological terror, and religious extremism combine in such a way that escaping, especially for daughters, seems almost impossible. 
 

I am deeply grateful that you eventually escaped. I am thankful that you have had the encouragement and support to be able to begin understanding the full extent of your family trauma.  
 

Hearing that you did reach out, through the years, and were shamed back into silence by those you confided in is heartbreaking. I am so thankful you kept chipping away at the chains that bound you and kept telling the truth until someone listened. You must have incredible inner fortitude and resilience. 

I am so proud of you and how far you have come over such daunting obstacles. 

Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words!!! They mean a lot! 
 

I do not mind the questions in the least. 😄

I will be providing much detail, including some graphic, as there is no other way to provide the full picture of just how severe and insane and to give a greater understanding of that psychological terror as you put it. 

Sadly, you are not wrong in your assessment of what the children face in these families, I’ve seen too many, there are too many and it’s horrifying. 
 

The main support I had was my husband, Reagan. We have largely been alone in this journey, especially when in the midst of the darkest moments in 2021. Speaking up about this kind of abuse and the depth of it is rarely met with approval and belief especially by those who saw our family as a shining example. As I have educated myself on what I went through I have gained a greater understanding and, together, Reagan and I have unraveled the mystery of what went wrong. 
 

Thank you again for your kind words. Tenacity and resilience have been qualities I valued since I was little. Thankfully I married someone who valued them as well and was a backbone for me when I was unable to stand on my own. 

[viii]

@nelliebelle1197 has she been verified yet? 

[Dee-Dee]

Haley it is wonderful to see you here and sharing. I had noticed your absence in family photos on your mom’s Facebook during your dad’s last few years and have been curious about your journey. Have you waited for your dad’s passing to speak out?
 

Hang in there with your siblings! Are more realizing the truth and stepping away as time goes on? It seems like some have stayed very connected to your parents in adulthood. We have really close friends whose mom shares many of the same traits you expressed about your mom. They are the oldest in the family of a dozen and as time has passed and the older ones have continued to stand firm in the truth it has made a way for the younger siblings to see reality and get out healthier and faster.
 

Random question,  it before you all built the attic addition we’re all you kids living on top of each other?

 

Additionally, I remember reading some very conservative posts from Reagan back in the day - are you guys still pretty conservative Christians or has your path changed? Does he come from a healthier family?

 

Can’t wait for your video - when are you planning to release it?

[Bassett Lady]

Haley, 

I remember tales of you reading well above grade level and enjoying math and science. You are also the musician and pianist. If my memory serves, you are the daughter who was talked out of/denied a college education. Were you actually convinced that you didn’t want a post-secondary education or did you realize that it was impossible without their support and just acquiesce? 
 

Have you been able to expand your horizons, receive training, or attend college? Have you been able to continue your studies in music? 
 

I remember reading about your sister having to wash your father’s feet and it made a pit in my stomach. (I actually come from a church tradition that regularly washes feet, but ladies wash women’s feet, and gentlemen wash men’s feet.) Something about the description of foot washing in your home made me so scared for all of you and deeply worried about how your father saw you and treated you. Was the foot washing as icky as I perceived it to be? 
 

I am so thankful to read that your husband has been supportive and helpful. How did he get past your parent’s barriers to court you if he was sane, kind, and reasonable? 
 

How old were you the first time you read any of the sites critical of your mother and her blog? Were you aware of how much personal information she posted about you and your family? 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

I don't know if you are on Reddit but there's at least one sub-reddit you might find useful 

 

A place for ex-evangelicals (reddit.com)

[Unquivering01]

17 hours ago, Dee-Dee said:

Haley it is wonderful to see you here and sharing. I had noticed your absence in family photos on your mom’s Facebook during your dad’s last few years and have been curious about your journey. Have you waited for your dad’s passing to speak out?
 

Hang in there with your siblings! Are more realizing the truth and stepping away as time goes on? It seems like some have stayed very connected to your parents in adulthood. We have really close friends whose mom shares many of the same traits you expressed about your mom. They are the oldest in the family of a dozen and as time has passed and the older ones have continued to stand firm in the truth it has made a way for the younger siblings to see reality and get out healthier and faster.
 

Random question,  it before you all built the attic addition we’re all you kids living on top of each other?

 

Additionally, I remember reading some very conservative posts from Reagan back in the day - are you guys still pretty conservative Christians or has your path changed? Does he come from a healthier family?

 

Can’t wait for your video - when are you planning to release it?

Thank you! 
yes, and no. I did a 2 hour video exposing much of this back in November 2023, but then my mom threatened to sue and we weren’t willing to risk anything and were cowards so we took that video down. I have known I want to do another tell all video, but have procrastinated and I can’t any longer. 
 

it is not just a video, but has expanded into a video series. And part 1 will be released sometime later today. Get your popcorn ready. You’re going to need a lot! 

16 hours ago, Bassett Lady said:

Haley, 

I remember tales of you reading well above grade level and enjoying math and science. You are also the musician and pianist. If my memory serves, you are the daughter who was talked out of/denied a college education. Were you actually convinced that you didn’t want a post-secondary education or did you realize that it was impossible without their support and just acquiesce? 
 

Have you been able to expand your horizons, receive training, or attend college? Have you been able to continue your studies in music? 
 

I remember reading about your sister having to wash your father’s feet and it made a pit in my stomach. (I actually come from a church tradition that regularly washes feet, but ladies wash women’s feet, and gentlemen wash men’s feet.) Something about the description of foot washing in your home made me so scared for all of you and deeply worried about how your father saw you and treated you. Was the foot washing as icky as I perceived it to be? 
 

I am so thankful to read that your husband has been supportive and helpful. How did he get past your parent’s barriers to court you if he was sane, kind, and reasonable? 
 

How old were you the first time you read any of the sites critical of your mother and her blog? Were you aware of how much personal information she posted about you and your family? 

LOVE all the questions! And actually, I do cover all of these in my video series. All of it. Part 1 will be released later today. 

[DJ1234]

Hi Haley.

I just wanted to join the crowd in welcoming you here.  I am glad that you escaped cult life.  While I didn't grow up in a cult, my first cousins did and I have seen first hand the extraordinary amount of courage and work it takes to heal. Let's just say I admire your strength and wish you well on your journey.  Please take good care of you!

Cheering you on.....

Edited August 29 by DJ1234

[Unquivering01]

Sorry for the wait, the editing took a bit longer, but I think it’s worth it. 
This is a series  as there is too much for just one video. 
Here is part 1 (this is age restricted so one does have to be signed into YouTube in order to view). 

The Long Way To Hell - Escaping From Childhood Abuse Part 1 

https://youtu.be/hJfTLpW5p5E?si=vVuNvW1y_64PRAh

 

[Dee-Dee]

HALEY YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR! Seriously. Everyone should go and support her by watching this. I am so glad to hear you are doing well and seem to have such a supportive partner.

Also - this is not legal advice, but I’m not sure what grounds your mom thinks she had to sue you (unless there was a recording released that she didn’t know was being recorded….and that depends on what the state law is). 
 

How are you holding up after releasing this? How has your family responded? Do they know about it?

Anxiously awaiting part 2…

[Unquivering01]

1 hour ago, Dee-Dee said:

HALEY YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR! Seriously. Everyone should go and support her by watching this. I am so glad to hear you are doing well and seem to have such a supportive partner.

Also - this is not legal advice, but I’m not sure what grounds your mom thinks she had to sue you (unless there was a recording released that she didn’t know was being recorded….and that depends on what the state law is). 
 

How are you holding up after releasing this? How has your family responded? Do they know about it?

Anxiously awaiting part 2…

Oh my goodness, WOW!!!! Thank you SO MUCH for your support!!! 
Yes!!! My husband has been the most supportive and sometimes the only support I have had through this. 
 

Yes, she was in a 1 party consent state, but we didn’t make the recording. We’re not backing down this time though. 😄

I am actually doing well, bolstered by all of the positive feedback. Only one sibling has been completely on board and cheering us on. I do not know from the rest. Haven’t heard from the rest of the family. Some extended family members have reached out and are supportive. 
 

part 2 is up! 

 

[nelliebelle1197]

I have verified Haley. Sorry for the delay - I am the only one with Curious' verifying formula and I started a new job this week and have been slammed.

On 8/27/2024 at 10:25 PM, viii said:

@nelliebelle1197 has she been verified yet? 

Sorry guys!

[Deanie]

Hi Haley,

I actually viewed your video back in November but did not post here about it because it was soon deleted and I did not want to make your story public if you were not ready to share. Overcoming childhood trauma is one of the most challenging things, we all want to believe that our family and parents are 'perfect' and so acknowledging and healing from all that you have experienced must have been a monumental task. Well done to you. I will be praying for you and your family.