You Were Right About My Family (The Longs)

[Bassett Lady]

6 minutes ago, Deanie said:

we all want to believe that our family and parents are 'perfect

I don’t think she ever believed her family was perfect, but she did, sadly, think it was normal. 
 

It was her day to day life and therefore normalized for her. 

[Blahaj316]

I’ve been following your mom (and by extension family) since her Treasures in a Shoebox days. I’m so sorry for all the horrible, disgusting things you went through. It’s horrendous that you and your siblings were within proximity of dangerous people at such young ages, and especially, if I understood correctly, within proximity of someone who endangered your mother. Him being an unsafe person to her should have meant that he shouldn’t have been within proximity of you.

But I’m so glad for you that you’re speaking out, even if some of your siblings are pushing back. I hope that those who have children aren’t inflicting their childhood trauma onto them. I can’t imagine why they would fight to keep Sabrina and Michael in the house despite knowing how bad it is. Apologies if this is too personal, but do you know if your siblings’ spouses are also part of ATI?  I do remember reading about how your parents had doubts about Wesley because he comes from a Calvinist church; how were those doctrinal issues resolved?

It’s interesting how Destiny still seems to maintain a close relationship with your mother, yet lives outside the home and has kissed her boyfriend. I’m surprised your mom still lets her around Michael and Sabrina if they’re all still in the cult, and that she isn’t seen as a bad influence or rebellious (at least based off what she and your mom have publicly posted).

[JermajestyDuggar]

15 minutes ago, Blahaj316 said:

 

It’s interesting how Destiny still seems to maintain a close relationship with your mother, yet lives outside the home and has kissed her boyfriend. I’m surprised your mom still lets her around Michael and Sabrina if they’re all still in the cult, and that she isn’t seen as a bad influence or rebellious (at least based off what she and your mom have publicly posted).

I am not going to answer for her because I don’t know them. But I’ll just make a general statement on controlling parents. I think it’s possible for controlling parents to act like they are loosening the rules and being more accepting when they actually aren’t. A parent may still want to control that child but realizes they cannot any longer. So they make it seem like they are giving a child more autonomy. When really they just want to keep that child in their life so they can at least have some control. Because if a child completely cuts a parent off, they have zero control and they know that. 

[viii]

8 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

I have verified Haley. Sorry for the delay - I am the only one with Curious' verifying formula and I started a new job this week and have been slammed.

Sorry guys!

You’re all good. Thanks for all the work you do and congrats on the new job! 

[chocolatedreams]

was it true that your parents were really contacted by a production company? I did a deep dive down the rabbit hole and found your mom's old youtube channel. She claims you guys almost got a tv show. Is that truth or exaggeration because the video she has posted seems very low level production quality for a reality tv show pitch.

[Unquivering01]

2 minutes ago, chocolatedreams said:

was it true that your parents were really contacted by a production company? I did a deep dive down the rabbit hole and found your mom's old youtube channel. She claims you guys almost got a tv show. Is that truth or exaggeration because the video she has posted seems very low level production quality for a reality tv show pitch.

Yes, this is indeed true. The reason the quality is so low is we recorded the interview sections through Skype with a less than ideal internet connection. But yes, it was going to be a reality tv show (for TLC I believe) and then everything went down with Josh Duggar and all the networks backed out of family tv shows for a time. (Understandably so). 

[chocolatedreams]

13 minutes ago, Unquivering01 said:

Yes, this is indeed true. The reason the quality is so low is we recorded the interview sections through Skype with a less than ideal internet connection. But yes, it was going to be a reality tv show (for TLC I believe) and then everything went down with Josh Duggar and all the networks backed out of family tv shows for a time. (Understandably so). 

Can you imagine how much more that would have added to your father's narcissistic supply if you he a tv show. That would have been like his dream come true and all the money along with it. It's scary to think about it would have been the perfect storm.

[Blahaj316]

8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I am not going to answer for her because I don’t know them. But I’ll just make a general statement on controlling parents. I think it’s possible for controlling parents to act like they are loosening the rules and being more accepting when they actually aren’t. A parent may still want to control that child but realizes they cannot any longer. So they make it seem like they are giving a child more autonomy. When really they just want to keep that child in their life so they can at least have some control. Because if a child completely cuts a parent off, they have zero control and they know that. 

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you for the reply. I hope that Destiny will be able to forge her own path and be happy. I can only hope that her mother doesn’t shame her and make her feel guilty for her behavior.

[Marmion]

A question that I have of @Unquivering01 is what is her opinion on the Christian Patriarchy Movement ( link goes to Wikipedia article)  ? Because , going by these two shorts on her YouTube channel , it seems as if she still is in support of it .  

 

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[Dee-Dee]

I would argue that practicing healthy biblical submission in a supportive, loving relationship can have nothing to do with experiencing sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse by narcissistic parents. 

[Unquivering01]

21 hours ago, Marmion said:

A question that I have of @Unquivering01 is what is her opinion on the Christian Patriarchy Movement ( link goes to Wikipedia article)  ? Because , going by these two shorts on her YouTube channel , it seems as if she still is in support of it .  

 

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This is a good and fair question. 
Short answer is no. I do not agree with the beliefs laid out in that article. Funny story, I thought that was what submission and a woman’s role looked like until I got married and then Reagan actually wanted my opinions, my help on decisions and I was not anticipating that. 
Biblical submission is a choice. You can’t force someone to submit. That is NOT submission, that is slavery. Reagan doesn’t make me do anything. I choose to submit myself to his authority. 
also there have been many times when I didn’t listen to him and didn’t submit. I’m not perfect. 😊 
 

Also, part 3 is up! This one details the sexual abuse and I am a bit graphic at times, just so you are warned. 

 

Edited September 3 by Unquivering01

[EuropeanEvangelical]

After just reading on here for years, I have decided to jump in on the topic of submission and I was impatiently waiting to be activated 😆

First, @Marmion I feel like if you've grown up with this extreme patriarchy, being married to a kinder man who does not expect obedience all the time *might* genuinely feel safe and healthy, while for someone with a different background it sounds extreme still. I have no doubt that Haley was pleasantly surprised and prefers (soft) complementarianism to the way she grew up. 

Whether it is a good idea to post tongue-in-cheeck reels about submission is an entirely different story, and I get that this rubs people the wrong way, as it does me. I think to a certain extend it is similar to other people deconstructing (semi)-publicly - you don't change all your beliefs overnight, and you might still promote harmful things. It might be wise to refrain from posting some things, because a) they might change and b) it might stirr up unnecessary conflicts. 

I also think that there is this huge emphasis on sharing "truth" in Evangelical and Fundie circles and as soon as you have "uncovered the truth", you are supposed to spread it. And to be fair, the political climate (and most people deconstructing do not go straight to being superliberal democrats) also encourages bold/rude behavior. And oftentimes many Conservative Evangelicals still accept you, even if you become more liberal, until you touch one of their sacred cows - Complementarianism, Abortion and LGBT 🫠. That doesn't excuse it though. 

Second, @Unquivering01 (Haley), and also to anyone reading, studies have shown that those healthy couples who claim they are complementarian (meaning male headship), usually don't really practice it. They rarely, if ever, need or use a tie breaker. (this is discussed in this podcast from 6:20-27:25 https://baremarriage.com/2023/09/podcast-do-complementarian-men-make-the-best-husbands-a-response-to-nancy-pearcey/) For those who do use a tie breaker often and where he makes most of the decisions, the outcomes in terms of marital happiness etc. are worse than for those who don't.

How you describe your marriage dynamic mainly sounds like a normal relationship to me - your husband listens to your input, he doesn't force or coerce you to go with his choice if you disagree, and he lets you make choices. 

What I think would also be a part of a healthy relationship are compromises (where possible), him "submitting" to you in areas where you have more expertise or changing his opinion after hearing you out - because you didn't mention these scenarios. 

So you might be one of those couples who say they are complementarian, but you might be functionally egalitarian. 

This might be worth looking into at some point. 🤗

[quiversR4hunting]

Thank you for sharing your path. I'm glad you are deconstructing and can see you probably will be for awhile. The reason I say this is the one spot where you and your husband talk about homeschooling. Both of your views are still fairly black and white in that area. (Sic) "I am glad I was homeschooling because I was reading at age 4 and I wouldn't have if I had gone to school" (sic, Reegan) "homeschooling is good... it is the best"

Education is best, I know people that went to private and public school that could read at age 4. And at the end of the day, a well rounded education (private, public or home schooling) is best for the kids and family. If the family can't provide a well rounded education or advanced studies or special education for kids in the family that have different needs then home schooling isn't the best. 

This part of your video is a minor part of your bigger story and I point it out because absolutes with everyone is usually not good. For example, I am Catholic and have had Baptists and Christian reformed people tell me Catholics aren't Christian. I could paint and absolute and say both these religions hate Catholics but in reality that isn't true.   

all we can do is keep learning and as Maya Angelo said “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better!”

It is very brave of you to speak up and tell your story. Keep on learning and healing! 

Edited September 4 by quiversR4hunting
Clarity of who is who

[Unquivering01]

On 8/31/2024 at 7:08 PM, chocolatedreams said:

Can you imagine how much more that would have added to your father's narcissistic supply if you he a tv show. That would have been like his dream come true and all the money along with it. It's scary to think about it would have been the perfect storm.

My mother’s too…it would have been. Thankfully they were too worried about their secrets getting out. But makes one wonder if someone would have noticed something then. I entertain that question every now and then. 
 

Part 4 has been published. - I walk through all of the physical abuse. 

 

[childerowland]

Hi @Unquivering01, I've watched all the videos you've posted so far, and wanted to let you know how sorry I am for the horrific abuse you and your siblings endured/are still enduring. Your story has been playing on my mind since I saw the first video a week ago. If it makes sense to say this, I'm deeply shocked but not overly surprised at what was going on.

I really admire you for speaking out - it can't be easy to relive all that, or make it public. I'm glad you have a good support system now.

[Tenyari]

I'm very sorry for everything you've endured 

[SisterCupcake]

5 hours ago, childerowland said:

If it makes sense to say this, I'm deeply shocked but not overly surprised at what was going on.

Same here! Shocked but not surprised. It makes sense to me. 

[Gobsmacked]

On 9/2/2024 at 7:14 PM, Marmion said:

A question that I have of @Unquivering01 is what is her opinion on the Christian Patriarchy Movement ( link goes to Wikipedia article)  ? Because , going by these two shorts on her YouTube channel , it seems as if she still is in support of it .  

 

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She looks very like a Duggar girl! 

[Unquivering01]

Part 5 is out: 

Healing, Halfway House, & Hell-Raising Screams (Part 5)

 

[Cupcake79]

I'm not familiar with this family. Could someone do a quick recap, e.g. how many children, ages, timeline? Seems like some interesting videos from Haley (glad you choose to speak up). I want to watch, but I don't have the time at the moment, as life is too busy as it is. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll find the time.