Erin and Chad 12: Not Keeping Up with the Bateses

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here:

 

[LongTimeLurkerOG]

Catching up on the thread lol 

Yes, I remember when FL was purple! Progressively downhill w jeb!, Scott, and then DeMentor... 

I agree that Chad is scary. Perhaps it took longer for his mask to fall. 

I haven't watched any videos in awhile, but Erin staying quiet, that's a 🚩

potentially abusive situation.

I wouldn't compare Chad to Pa Ingalls. Granted, they did move a lot for a number of reasons. But Ma wasn't always quiet 😀 and the reality was different than the crazy Landon "adaptation " ..I used to love the show and someways still do but it's So different from the books and the reality was kinda different from the books. 

Anyway hopping down off my soapbox lol 

(while we ponder women's rights, autonomy, and all... I'm watching the RBG doc on Hulu .. and the movie, available on Netflix, was good, too)

[CaptainFunderpants]

Quote

True. But still. Your kids are not practicing what you preach. Are those kids going to hell in their view? If yes, they have to cut them of as bad influence to other kids or try to convince them to finde back to god all the time. If not, than why bother living with stricter standards?

via @vienna

This is what I've always wondered. I dated a Jewish guy for a while and as a Latter Day Saint, obviously we had different dietary beliefs... The kosher thing confuses me. If God doesn't favor you for it, why do it? Or at least why not find a nutritional reason for it? IDK. I always told him I'd keep kosher, when he gave up coffee. It wasn't our dietary differences that led to the break-up though, for those wondering.

As for Cherin...

Quote

If the rumored interest Jana had for Chad was real, she dodged a bullet.  I think she's having a better life with the path she's on. 

via @Coconut Flan

This crossed my mind too. I wonder if either Jana or Erin contemplates it too. I feel sad about what Erin's going through -she definitely has her faults, but it's clear she really loves kids and teaching, and I wish she was still able to teach piano.

[vienna]

Does she at least have a piano at her current home?

[Ashley Ocean]

I think that when Jane and Bill pass, if Chad & Erin try to hold onto the house and/or property, there will be a Bates battle.There are a lot of potential beneficiaries and families have gone to war over less!

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, Ashley Ocean said:

I think that when Jane and Bill pass, if Chad & Erin try to hold onto the house and/or property, there will be a Bates battle.There are a lot of potential beneficiaries and families have gone to war over less!

Gil’s brother Greg (I think) has always lived very close and helped them. I’m guessing the property will go to him. Gil’s father was a judge. I imagine he has had a will in place for a long while. 

[LurkerOverThePond]

I have only cursory been following Erin & Chad during the last few years so I'm out of loop - what has Chad done to be deemed potentially scary/abusive (other than being IBLP)?

[JermajestyDuggar]

35 minutes ago, LurkerOverThePond said:

I have only cursory been following Erin & Chad during the last few years so I'm out of loop - what has Chad done to be deemed potentially scary/abusive (other than being IBLP)?

I don’t think he’s done anything overt. But if you watch their videos they make together, he seems to be the one that wants to do all the talking. And he seems to be the one who makes all the big decisions for the family. We don’t know this for a fact but it was assumed that Chad had a part in Erin leaving BSB. Only based on the fact that he is the man in a marriage where they believe the husband is the head of the house. But Erin may have wanted to leave too since we see that she basically never interacts with Whitney, Zach, Carlin, and Evan anymore.

[Ashley Ocean]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Gil’s brother Greg (I think) has always lived very close and helped them. I’m guessing the property will go to him. Gil’s father was a judge. I imagine he has had a will in place for a long while. 

I hope Bill does have a proper will. I know of 5 (of my) relatives who have passed without wills since 2021. One was an attorney! It seems like a task that a lot of people put off. It makes things a lot more complicated when there is no will.

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 minutes ago, Ashley Ocean said:

I hope Bill does have a proper will. I know of 5 (of my) relatives who have passed without wills since 2021. One was an attorney! It seems like a task that a lot of people put off. It makes things a lot more complicated when there is no will.

At least Jane seems to be in ok health. She seems like the type to make detailed plans for their estate. 

[ifosterkittens]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

At least Jane seems to be in ok health. She seems like the type to make detailed plans for their estate. 

If there I was an "I hope so" reaction that would have been my response! I think Bill has a good read on Gil, and knows Gil's a slippery, wants the largest piece of the pie type of guy, and has put protections in place to prevent any nonsense. 

[GreenBeans]

19 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I don’t think he’s done anything overt. But if you watch their videos they make together, he seems to be the one that wants to do all the talking. And he seems to be the one who makes all the big decisions for the family. We don’t know this for a fact but it was assumed that Chad had a part in Erin leaving BSB. Only based on the fact that he is the man in a marriage where they believe the husband is the head of the house.

So it’s more of an ISB scenario really. One person in a couple being more extroverted and talkative on camera has nothing to do with the relationship they have. That Chad as the husband possibly has the last word on family decisions, well, that’s the same for all the fundies we follow, it’s part of their belief system. Some couples may seem more cooperative and less patriarchal, but again, that may just be how other couples present themselves on social media. Especially the Bates influencer daughters want to appear more mainstream, modern, confident in order to increase their following and be more attractive for paid partnerships with companies. Things may be very different behind closed doors. Just because they present differently on social media doesn’t mean their relationships are less patriarchal than Erin’s.

I know we speculate a lot here on FJ, but I feel like hinting to an abusive situation when there is absolutely no evidence other than Erin talking less on camera than Chad crosses a line. 

19 hours ago, LurkerOverThePond said:

I have only cursory been following Erin & Chad during the last few years so I'm out of loop - what has Chad done to be deemed potentially scary/abusive (other than being IBLP)?

I agree, I had that same thought and was like “wait, what have I been missing?!”.

[LongTimeLurkerOG]

It doesn't cross a line when there are red flags. And that the cult is known to hide or try to cover up a lot. 

Erin has always been the effusive, chatty one- on the shows and YT. There's the odd situation around her breaking her arm. The complete 180 on the YT management/frequency and content. The looks and reactions of Erin in the video around the time of the arm breaking, very different.

No one knew what was going on with my situation, except for a few things picked up on and what I slightly let show towards the end. I hid it very well for over a year. Most of the time in public, people thought we were married and everything was great. It's a mask. No one in the neighborhood did anything, though they heard all of it, sometimes daily. But that's another story. 

Noticing signs - particularly red flags and how abusers/ predators operate -are what you learn from advocates. Sharing information helps those who don't understand, among other things.

 

Edited September 2 by LongTimeLurkerOG
More info

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Also out of the loop, when did Erin break her arm?

[LongTimeLurkerOG]

Had to look it up... January this year 

[Cupcake79]

So they’re moving. It’ll be interesting to see where they end up. I guess it’s part of being fundie to say that they love it in Florida, everything is fine, aside from missing Tennessee a bit (and Tori) and so on. And then suddenly there’s a move ahead. To be fair, they might move within the state, but I think Tennessee is more likely. It’s like they don’t admit to themselves even, that things aren’t always fine. It’s like Ross saying he’s fine when he clearly isn’t (Friends). 
 

I'm not going to speculate about abuse, but I don’t fully buy the story behind Erin’s broken arm. It just felt off when they told about it.

I’m not saying they were lying, but I think there might be more to the story than what they told.

[LurkerOverThePond]

1 hour ago, Cupcake79 said:

I'm not going to speculate about abuse, but I don’t fully buy the story behind Erin’s broken arm. It just felt off when they told about it.

Do you remember what they said and why did it feel off?

[clueliss]

They said that she was up high watering plants on top of a high shelf.

[FiveAcres]

28 minutes ago, clueliss said:

They said that she was up high watering plants on top of a high shelf.

She could just be embarrassed about doing something stupid and getting hurt.

Many years ago, I was on the ground putting an Easy Boot (TM) on Hap, my horse. I had done this many times before. Hap lost his steel shoes very easily, and the Easy Boot would protect his foot until his farrier came out to put the shoe back on. Anyway, as I snapped the clasp on the Easy Boot Hap shied and snatched his foot up and caught me on the cheek right below the eye. Somehow, the Western hat I was wearing padded the blow slightly, or I think he would have caused a fracture.

I had a black eye from the blow, as well as a lot of pain, and I felt so embarrassed explaining what had happened when people asked. Hey, it wasn't partner violence, it was just me stupidly taking the reactions of an 1100 pound horse for granted. 

The only other time I had a black eye was when my friend's Jack Russel terrier misjudged her jump when I was sitting on the floor below where she was on some furniture. She landed full in my face and it hurt us both quite a bit. But that one wasn't nearly as embarrassing.

Edited September 2 by FiveAcres

[sndral]

Before we cast Chad as a hidden abuser, it’s probably wise to consider other things going on w/ Erin that might have caused her to ‘change.’
First is the whole long covid only has 1/2 an ovary left & the likely hormonal changes that’s brought.
Second, reality may be hitting that she may very well be past her child bearing years &, as JD Vance reminds us, non child bearing women are worth less to the patriarchy - I assume that is the culture that Erin has been steeped in.
Third, leaving the Bates Tennessee bubble likely was more challenging than she expected. In Tennessee there were always nearby family members for support & socialization, even if Erin disapproved of the choices some of her siblings were making. In Florida they had no network except their church. Of course, one abuser tactic can be to isolate the victim from family/friends - so 🤷‍♀️.
Fourth, of all the siblings, Erin is financially falling behind. Most of the married Bates have bought houses & seem to be living a middle class to upper middle class lifestyle, whereas Erin & Chad are still renting tiny houses, he’s puttering around as a glorified handyman, she’s not bringing in the SM money her sisters are, & she noped out of the boutique money. She may be suffering from a serious case of envy w/ a touch of regret thrown in. 
I don’t normally watch Erin’s you tubes, but I watched the we’re moving one & one from a day in the life shot while she was pregnant w/ William. What a mind numbingly boring life she leads. They seemed like they were begging in the we’re moving video, Chad kept nattering on about waiting for god to open a door, FFS dude, grow a pair & open your own damn door.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

57 minutes ago, sndral said:

Second, reality may be hitting that she may very well be past her child bearing years &, as JD Vance reminds us, non child bearing women are worth less to the patriarchy - I assume that is the culture that Erin has been steeped in.

Except that she's a mom who has twice as many kids as JD Vance!  Her youngest is less than a year old! She may get pregnant again. What JD Vance was talking about was women who don't have kids, not women who can't have more.  Erin has kids! 

I get that health challenges will bring someone down.

I think it's more likely she's overwhelmed with having six kids under 10.

[sndral]

12 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Except that she's a mom who has twice as many kids as JD Vance!  Her youngest is less than a year old! She may get pregnant again. What JD Vance was talking about was women who don't have kids, not women who can't have more.  Erin has kids! 

I get that health challenges will bring someone down.

I think it's more likely she's overwhelmed with having six kids under 10.

I was referring to the brouhaha about Vance’s remarks about post menopausal women & his agreeing that their only role was to raise their grandkids, but he’s uttered so many misogynistic attacks on women it’s hard to keep track of them.

Edited September 2 by sndral

[JermajestyDuggar]

JD Vance is such an idiot. When he made that statement, he named AOC, Kamala, and Pete Buttigeg. First Pete is not a lady and Pete has 2 kids. Second, Kamala is a step mom and I don’t think she has cats. So the only childless one of the examples he made was AOC. He’s just dumb and annoying. I wish he would shut up. 

I don’t know if Chad is abusive. But no one can convince me that Erin is happy about this move. 

Edited September 2 by JermajestyDuggar

[Bluebirdbluebell]

12 minutes ago, sndral said:

I was referring to the brouhaha about Vance’s remarks about post menopausal women & his agreeing that their only role was to raise their grandkids, but he’s uttered so many misogynistic attacks on women it’s hard to keep track of them.

Her youngest is still under 1 year old! She may be able to have more. While she may hit menopause earlier than other women, there is no sign that she is menopausal or post menopausal. Also she has 6 kids at home to raise, so with all that in mind I don't think Vance's remarks apply to her. 

Edited September 2 by Bluebirdbluebell

[ifosterkittens]

JD Vance was not talking about people like Erin. She and Chad are Christian, have children, republicans, "pro-life", they are his people. Michael and Brandon are also ok by JD Vance once his wife clarified he was only talking about women who elect not to have children, not those who struggle with infertility.

All ISB but I do think it is possible Erin struggles with her fertility not being as easy as she expected. She had a few miscarriages in the beginning before the blood disorder was discovered, then lost an ovary and wasn't sure if she would be able to have another child after her fifth (I think, not positive of the timing). I imagine she was pleasantly surprised when she got pregnant with her sixth and thrilled it was a boy. So much of her identity is wrapped up in being a fertile woman. Then losing an ovary on top of a blood disorder that resulted in a few miscarriages may have felt like a slap in the face. 

I'm not boo-hooing for Erin's fertility struggles. I do think it is possible she is struggling with she feels she has done everything right (she followed the rules her parents gave her, believes what they believe, married the good godly guy, lives a godly life, doesn't use birth control like some of her sisters, doesn't wear pants/shorts like other sisters etc) and still has health challenges. I think it's likely Erin feels the possibility to have more children was taken from her or at least compromised. Now I would argue that's just how the cookie crumbles. Michael falls in Erin's camp with the adhering to the parents' beliefs, marrying the godly guy, and yet she has no children. Fertility is mainly a biological thing; it isn't a reflection of mortality or character. 

Yes, Erin has six kids, but knowing it is unlikely she can't have ten (if that is something she wanted) might be difficult for Erin to reconcile. Jill Rod seems to be struggling with the reality setting in that her six-year-old is her last child. Jill is 45, has 13 children and it's highly unlikely she'll have another, but it she seems to be unwilling to let go of that possibility she could have one more. 

ETA: I want to add I don't believe Erin is struggling with fertility. I do wonder if Erin thinks she is struggling with fertility issues or could struggle with fertility as a result of the ovary surgery. I am speculating about what I think Erin thinks. I have nothing to support my viewpoint. 

Edited September 2 by ifosterkittens