Botkins/More Stupidity/Emotional Purity (MERGED)

[Bookworm89]

Just wanted to say I think you're handling a tough situation very well. Hard as it is, sometimes all you can do is bite your tongue for the greater good-in this case your niece and nephew.

Thanks, Right now they only have 3 (2 boys, 1 girl) but I know they want more, but they have a 3-4 age gap between kids so far, hope it keeps up since she probably only has a good 5-7 years left since she got into the movement in her 30's. Not that I wouldn't love any future nephews or nieces just don't wish them to be brought up in fundy home

[Fluffy-Boo]

aBot posted that she had just turned 25 earlier in the year. They act 10 years older than they are, and it's not a compliment.

Actually, the book bio isn't accurate. It must have been created prior to Anna's 26th birthday.

Because she just turned 26 this October.

[gustava]

Actually, the book bio isn't accurate. It must have been created prior to Anna's 26th birthday.

Because she just turned 26 this October.

There must be a 17 year old boy out there just pining for her.

[mnb357]

Giving your heart away before you're married? Maybe off topic, but at age oh, 15, I told my sister I intended to remain a virgin until I was married. Her response: "What??? You might wind up married to a lousy piece of ass!"

[Deleted12]

We’re very grateful for the groundwork that has been laid by the Emotional Purity advocates, people who first began to seriously address the problem of handing out bits of our heart with reckless abandon. We, for two, needed to hear about the concept of guarding our hearts, keeping our emotions under control, and being faithful to our future husbands in thought and deed. But we believe this foundation needs a little more built onto it. For many, the concept raised more questions than it answered.

As one girl wrote to us: “My friend + i hav both decided that wee r neva goin 2 d8 + we want our 1st kiss 2 b on our weddings. …[but] i was tellin sum of my friends @ school about the decisions ive made and another question came up, is it wrong to have a crush on a guy? my friend says that you can’t control whether u have a crush on sum1 or not and im not 100 % sure how 2 answer that. Can u guys help?â€

Once the idea of emotional purity is introduced, the questions breed like rabbits. “Can you keep from having crushes?†“Is it wrong to have a crush?†“When is it technically a crush, anyway?†“Whatever it is, is it a sin?†“Will they come back to bite me later?†“Will each crush that I’ve had make me love my future husband less?†“Do I need to go find and marry the first boy that I ever liked?†“Did the crushes I had when I was two count against my emotional purity, or do they only start to count at age 13? Is there a crushing age of accountability?†“I’ve given away my heart so many times – is it too late for me to even care?â€

To those on the outside, these sorts of questions might sound like silly wranglings over definitions to see what we can get away with, or the perfect ten in female ditziness. But these questions are actually legitimate, and the confusion a big deal, because at the heart of it, we’re talking about our moral responsibilities. When we don’t understand our actual moral responsibilities in this area, we can feel ridden with guilt over things that aren’t actually wrong, and completely unpricked by things that are. We can have a fatalistic “It’s too late to guard my heart because I’ve already botched things so badly†attitude towards doing right in the future. And we can develop an unbiblical fear of doing the things we are actually commanded to do.

http://visionarydaughters.com/

[Kitten]

A girl once wrote to us, “For a long time I have struggled with unrequited love. I just cannot get over this one young man I know. I love him, but it seems that God has just not ordained that he should love me in return, and I am having the hardest time trying to accept that.â€

There is no pain quite like realizing that what we desire most is not what God desires to give us – a pain we’re both keenly familiar with...

Some girls fear that they will have permanent scars from mistakes they have made. They fear that part of them is gone and they can never be made whole again. But the concept of inner purity deals more with the present state of the heart, the mind, and the affections than it does with the past.

Once you understand your forgiveness in Christ, you will be able to think and act like a pure woman, and your future husband will be able to truly see you as such.

So, it seems that even the Botkins girls might have a few unrequited romances in their pasts, but it's all good, because despite all that preaching from the manly leaders about "losing parts of your heart," all you need to do is repent of whatever you've done, and then your heart is good to go again and you're restored to purity for your future husband. Voilà! And whew!!!

:D

[Shirley MacLaine]

So it's okay if you lose your emotional purity through unrequited crushes, but not if you actually go out with the guy.

OH GOD, just noticed... 'the perfect ten in female ditziness.' How am I going to clean all the puke out of my keyboard? :(

[LucySnowe]

There are some samples up, but they're only on A-S's Goodreads page - the link to VD brings back a 404:

www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/1733366-excerpt-from-it-s-not-that-complicated

(Hopefully that won't autolink - I will edit if it does.)

It's about the Emotional Purity/Guarding Your Heart thing. Enjoy!

PS if any of the FJers asked that question in the second paragraph - the one in textspeak - I will buy you a beer.

[annalena]

Thank you.

So.

Emotional purity revisited

This does not answer ANY of the questions I never had. It's confusing, if anything.

Also: If you quote questions, you DO NOT HAVE TO quote them the literal way they were sent in. As in: "wee r neva going 2 d3 again"

Conquering love

They're familiar with god not giving them what they want? As in, their father turning down guys for them they founds really hot?

I can't take more of that crap right now.

[Deleted12]

Come on, only two replies? :(

[LucySnowe]

I think we had a cross-post - I linked to this on the previous Botkin thread. There's a comment over there as well.

(Should we merge?)

[dormouse]

PS I think my heart is a swiss cheese

So cute. That's my new favorite saying.

Seriously, most girls start having crushes in elementary school. Having a crush doesn't mean you're ready to be sexually active.

Before I had the Interwebz, I thought the most fundie thing to do was to remain a virgin for marriage. Fine, I can understand that. Then I was very surprised when I learned that some of them saved their first kiss, and even holding hands. But not having crushes? Unlike touching, it's quite difficult to control.

[atheistjd]

So cute. That's my new favorite saying.

Seriously, most girls start having crushes in elementary school. Having a crush doesn't mean you're ready to be sexually active.

Before I had the Interwebz, I thought the most fundie thing to do was to remain a virgin for marriage. Fine, I can understand that. Then I was very surprised when I learned that some of them saved their first kiss, and even holding hands. But not having crushes? Unlike touching, it's quite difficult to control.

It's no wonder they stress the absence of romance in courtship and that marriage is not about romantic love or feelings - they likely can't feel ANYTHING after years of repressing ALL romantic feeling. So sad :cry:

[antifundie]

Oh you don't "repress" feelings, you "give them to Jesus" and if you're lucky enough, he gives them back. So you end up crying and praying and suffering over a crush, which, if you were just allowed to have it, would go away in 2.5 seconds or so.

I remember not being "allowed" to like boys. I thought I'd get in trouble if my parents found out I had a crush on somebody.

[Turtle]

I'm amazed (and frightened) that they convince anyone to take them seriously.

Fundamentalists have such a limited view of human emotions/relations. You can't have crushes or boyfriends before you find "the one" because you are giving away pieces of your heart and will not be able to fully love her spouse. No sports or hobbies because it takes away from your dedication to your church. Catholics are idolators because you can't venerate Mary/Saints and still love Jesus. Ect. Ect. What a sad, limiting way to live your life.